“I feel like a shadow.”
I’ve felt that way. I’ve also heard this from many grieving hearts.
Life has changed for us. Our worlds have been altered. Nothing seems the same.
We go through the motions. We’re stunned. We can feel like a shadow of our former selves.
What do we do with this?
The following is an excerpt from Comfort for Grieving Hearts. I think you’ll be able to relate to the Grieving Heart in this chapter. I hope you find these words comforting and encouraging today.
I FEEL LIKE A SHADOW
FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:
I miss you. Your departure has stolen my appetite. I’m never hungry. I forget to eat. I’m dropping weight.
When I do eat, nothing tastes good. I have no desire to eat anything healthy.
Am I punishing myself somehow? Is missing you killing my taste buds?
Eating has become one more thing I don’t have energy for.
Preparation, cooking, and even chewing are draining. My battery is dying, and I have no idea where the charger is.
I know this isn’t good, but I don’t care. I don’t have energy to care much about anything. I sigh a lot. I stare mindlessly into space. I drive places and then have no idea how I got there. Sometimes, I wind up someplace familiar, but not where I intended to go.
I feel like a shadow – a phantom flitting silently through everyone else’s world. I function. I go through the motions. I get stuff done, but I’m not all there. Part of me is with you – thinking about and missing you. When you left, you took a piece of my heart with you.
Tell me this won’t last forever. I know I need to eat, but my heart is starving for you.
Grief is a form of stress. As such, it tends to dull the senses. Our brains think we’re under attack and shift our systems into fight-or-flight mode. Our hearts prioritize. When in battle, food is not on the top of our necessity list.
Grief hits the appetite. It can deaden the taste buds. Most of our energy is focused on emotional survival, and our bodies often pay the price.
We’re not hungry, so we forget to eat. We’re not thirsty, so we neglect to hydrate. We feel tired, even weak. Over time, our clothing gets looser. We notice changes in the mirror. We begin to lose weight.
We’re usually aware of all this, but we don’t have enough emotional energy to care. Apathy comes knocking, and usually gains entrance for a while. Nothing sounds good. We feel like our lives are shrinking, as if we’re slowly fading away.
In most cases, this will pass with time. As we process the loss and feel the grief, our appetite will bounce back. We’ll begin to taste our food again.
Our energy and motivation will return.
Thankfully, now is not forever.
Affirmation: I’ll try to eat well and take care of myself. My loved one would want this.
My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow. (Job 17:7)
Excerpt from Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss
Comfort for Grieving Hearts has been revised and expanded into other books specifically for the loss of a spouse, a child, and a parent. You can check out the entire Comfort Series here.
Question: Have you felt like a shadow of your former self since your loss? Feel free to share by commenting below.
