“Where did everyone go?”
I’ve heard this statement many times from grieving hearts.
After a loss, our relationships begin to change. People pull back. Some disappear. Others try to support us but have no idea what to do. Still others evaluate us and tell us what to do.
The following is an excerpt from Comfort for Grieving Hearts. I think you’ll be able to relate to the Grieving Heart in this chapter. I hope you find these words comforting and encouraging today.
WHERE DID EVERYONE GO?
FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:
This would be easier if it weren’t for the people around me. At least, that’s the way it feels.
Right after you left, people were everywhere. Tears. Hugs. “I’m so sorry.” “I’m here for you.” “Whatever you need.”
Where did they all go? They disappeared. Evaporated into thin air. Poof!
No one has called, texted, or emailed. No one has made the effort to check on me. No one has mentioned your name. When I’m with people, they pretend like nothing ever happened.
But something has happened. You’re gone, and you’re not coming back. My heart is broken. I’m in pieces. No one notices. They just step over the rubble and continue on.
I’m not saying that no one has been helpful. Some have. I’m not saying that everyone is insensitive. Some have been kind and caring.
I’m saying that most people seem to want to wish this away, and the result is that I feel invisible, crushed, and abandoned.
Losing you was more than enough. I hadn’t counted on the betrayal of others.
Yeah, I’m angry.
When loss strikes, it affects more than we may have realized at first. A strand of our web has been severed and now all of life is unsettled. Other strands get strained and stretched. Some might fray under the strain.
Relationships are dynamic. They never stay still. We’re always growing closer or more distant, usually in small, hardly perceptible ways. When we lose someone, our relationships are jostled. We head into a season of grief and pain.
Our relationships become more precious to us and we need the support and love of others during this time. Unfortunately, few people know how to care for a grieving heart. When we don’t know what to do, we often end up doing nothing.
The initial loss often results in other losses. People don’t come through for us, and we feel hurt, betrayed, or even abandoned. Our sense of loneliness grows, and so does our anger. Our hearts, longing to be seen, heard, and cared for, are further devastated and want to slink away into hiding.
Loss is painful, and grief is a lonely, rocky road. Finding good traveling companions can be difficult and challenging.
No one understands how we feel. It’s our loss and our lives. It is our grief – uniquely ours. When those we counted on don’t even bother to show up, angry disappointment is the natural result. We must give ourselves permission to hurt over these new losses. We can find healthy ways to express the anger that comes.
Thankfully, not everyone will disappear. Others we haven’t counted on will step forward. New people will surface. We might feel alone, but this grief road is well populated with fellow travelers. We aren’t the only passengers on this roller-coaster.
Affirmation: Though some people might disappoint me, I will grieve as best I can, given the circumstances.
Praise the Lord.Praise the Lord, my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. (Psalm 146:1-3)
Excerpt from Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss
Comfort for Grieving Hearts has been revised and expanded into other books specifically for the loss of a spouse, a child, and a parent. You can check out the entire Comfort Series here.
Question: Have you experienced changes in your relationships since your loss? What has that been like for you? Feel free to share by commenting below.
