The death of a loved one – someone indescribably special – changes everything.
It changes us.
Because loss changes us, our relationships naturally change as well. And not all these changes are positive.
Some people we counted on disappear. It’s like they evaporate into thin air.
Others criticize, judge, and try to fix us. They inform us about how lousy we’re doing, what’s wrong, and what we need to do.
Some ignore us. They seem completely oblivious to our pain.
When grieving hearts encounter these things (and almost all of us do), we experience emotional pain, frustration, confusion, sadness, anger, depression, and even guilt. Resentment and bitterness can begin to brew inside us.
All this feels like more loss and upheaval. And that’s exactly what it is.
Sadly, this is all too common.
Last week, our monthly Zoom session was on this very topic. We called it How to Deal with Rejection and Painful Relationships.
Here is a quick summary of that session…
We looked at several Bible verses from the book of Job. These passages remind us of how deep and painful the words and actions of others can be when we’re grieving.
We talked about five key truths that can help us navigate painful relationships.
Truth #1: We are not in control.
People will do and say what they will. Each one of us is in charge of our own responses (our thoughts, words, and actions).
Truth #2: What people do and say is about them.
Nothing can come out of a person except what is already inside them. We have to let how others respond to us be about them, not about us.
Truth #3: Expectations are an invitation to disappointment and resentment.
Unconsciously, we expect support – or at least some acknowledgment of our pain. Apparently, we’re expecting something that they cannot or choose not to deliver. We’re better off simply releasing them from any expectations at all.
Truth #4: When we let what others say and do control us, we elevate them to God-status.
Our frustration with others can quickly eclipse our trust in God. Brace yourself. The Bible calls this idolatry. Instead, we are to guard our hearts and look to God to meet our needs.
Truth #5: All our basic needs are already met in Christ.
Acceptance, love, forgiveness, meaning and purpose, significance, and power and wisdom for everyday life. If we have trusted Christ as our Savior and embraced Him as our Life, all of these needs are met in Him. We set ourselves up for a world of pain when we expect others to do what only He can do for us.
As we look ultimately to Jesus to walk with us and meet our needs, the difference we experience can be astounding. We can be more peaceful, less anxious, more settled, and less controlled by whatever happens to us and around us.
I know this email might generate questions for you. Please feel free to ask.
If you would be interested in viewing this Zoom session, you can find it in the Overcoming Grief Library. The Library houses all of our Zoom sessions, along with other talks, seminar, and workshops. The Overcoming Grief Library has over 50 videos – and counting.
Jesus tells us, “I have said these things to you so that in me you might have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. Take heart. I have overcome the world.”
Our relationships are yet another place where Christ invites us to walk with Him and overcome. As we yield to Him, we experience more of Him and His life in us. As we walk with Him, He empowers us to love others more deeply, even when we’re hurt and disappointed.
This world needs more overcomers.
Thank you for your support and prayers as I seek to provide quality help for grieving hearts.
Until next time…
P.S. If you have a question about who Jesus is, what it means to trust Him, or what it means to walk with Him day-to-day, please ask. I’m here to help, if I can.
Question: Have you felt rejected or abandoned by others in your grief? What was that like for you? Feel free to share and comment below.
