During this painful grief journey, we can wonder about our sanity.
“Am I going crazy?” is a question grieving hearts often ask.
Let me clear this up right away.
No. You’re not going crazy.
You are, however, in a crazy-making situation.
Someone you love dearly – perhaps several someones – are no longer here. Your world is different now. You are different.
Wave after wave of change surges in upon you, day after day. The world looks much the same, but everything feels very different.
The world is not what you thought it was. Some people are not who you thought they were. You can even wonder who you are now.
Your emotions are all over the place. Sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, guilt, loneliness, and depression are bouncing around inside you.
You’ve experienced other losses, but this loss is different. You’ve never been here before. You wonder what to do, how to be, and what’s next.
All of this can make a person wonder if they’re, well, losing it.
It’s as if the ground underneath you is shifting. Instead of walking, you find yourself surfing on dry ground, trying desperately to stay upright and maintain some kind of balance.
The grief journey is a time of upheaval and change. Change is stressful.
Let me repeat that. Change is stressful.
Roughly 60 years ago, the Holmes-Raye Stress Scale was developed. The main concept behind it is the more change a person experiences, the more stressed they are.
Take a look. Go through it. Calculate your score.
How much change and stress are you experiencing?
Back to our main point: You are not going crazy, but your life now feels crazy compared to your old life.
No matter how much change you’re experiencing or how high your Holmes-Raye score is, there is hope.
I think of the Apostle Paul’s words in Philippians 4:13:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Another way to translate this verse is, I can do all things through Christ who is my strength.
I have to remind myself daily – several times a day – Jesus Christ can handle this. Gary’s personal strength amounts to nothing. Gary, in his own power, can do nothing and next to nothing. Christ, on the other hand…
So I tell myself what God tells me in His word: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Today, I do not look to myself to handle things or figure things out. Today, I look to align myself with my Savior – Jesus – and His strength. I look to trust Him and rest in Him.
I am strong only when I am trusting the One who is truly strong and relying on His strength. I yield. He carries me.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
The sheer amount of change you’re going through is overwhelming. Take a deep breath. Breathe.
This too will pass. Now is not forever.
Let the emotions bounce around. Let the waves of change come (you won’t be able to stop them). Keep surfing as best as you know how.
Lean hard into Jesus. He can handle it. Trust. Yield. You can do all things through Him who will strengthen you. He is our strength.
Be kind to yourself.
Until next time…
Question: How much change and stress are you experiencing? Please feel free to reply and comment below.
Hello Gary, thank you for sharing this. Your posts often touch my soul. Always what I need. A beautiful reminder to lean into Him, He is where we find our strength and healing. I appreciate all you do.
God bless you, friend.
Thank you, Mitzi. I needed that today! Blessings to you!
I need some advice. I am a parent experiencing estrangement from an adult child. It has been a year of turmoil and pain. No reason given, no communication other than do not contact me or your grandchildren.
My other daughter who lives across the country is encouraging me to move near her and her children. I am in a quandary as to what to do: Should I move away? Will moving cause me more stress? Should I stay in my current home of 25 years where so many things remind me of my the daughter and grandchildren I have lost. Is it time for a fresh start? Am I running away? I have respected her boundaries for a year, but i cannot keep living like this forever. I am 75 years old. Could you give me some advice?
Hi Diana. Thank you for reaching out and sharing with me. I’m so sorry about this estrangement loss. So painful, confusing, and frustrating. It breaks a parent’s heart. In terms of what you should do, I would say to pay attention to your heart and your health. Moving will be stressful – it always is. But some stress can be good stress. It’s a difficult balance. It doesn’t sound to me like you’re running away – at least not from what you’ve shared here. When it comes down to it, it’s not about making the perfect decision – because we have no idea what that is. We make the best decision possible with the info we have. I’m praying for you now, for clear guidance from the Lord on all these issues. Blessings to you, Diana. Be kind to yourself.