I don’t know about you, but I’m glad to see 2020 disappearing into my rear view mirror.
2020 was a year of profound, debilitating grief. The sheer amount of change was stunning and crippling. For those of us who lost family members or friends, COVID added a thick, suffocating layer of complication to our grief journeys. It’s been frustrating, confusing, angering, and depressing.
I’m going to be personally vulnerable here. In general, my anxiety level is up. My sense of security and safety has been repeatedly shaken. My family (including myself) has been battered by sudden, seemingly out-of-the-blue health issues, most of them stress-related. At the time of writing this, we’re waiting on test results that could potentially throw us into even more trouble, stress, change, and uncertainty.
I feel like I’m stuck in a vice that’s slowly tightening. At times, I have trouble catching my breath. The slow, relentless grind of loss and stress is taking its toll.
Can anyone relate? I know you can.
For some of you, what I’ve written above is nothing compared to what you’re enduring. Loss, pain, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, confusion, and depression are everywhere.
We’ve been hit hard and repeatedly in 2020. And as we look ahead at 2021, many of us are wondering what’s coming next. We’re hoping for better…
As I lean into 2021, however, I know that I have no control over what happens in the world or even in my own family. I have influence, but not control. So I find myself asking, “Amid all these challenges, what kind of person do I want to be in 2021?”
Over 3000 years ago, wise King Solomon said, “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring from which everything else in your life flows.” I have no control over what happens this year, but I do have a say in what happens in my heart.
I want an honest, authentic heart.
I want to be real with myself, God, and a few other people about what’s happening inside me – including my fears and concerns. Hiding never benefits me or anyone I love or care about.
I want a compassionate, loving heart.
I want to be a lifeline of acceptance, comfort, reassurance, and hope. I want a heart that see and hears the hearts of others, meet them where they are, and loves well.
I want a forgiving heart that releases offenses quickly.
I’m so limited that I can’t afford to let rude or unkind words or actions hijack of overly influence my life. I don’t need any extra baggage.
I want a hopeful, hope-giving heart.
When things appear dark, light becomes a treasure indeed. I want to be a person of hope who embraces, cultivates, and spreads hope.
Whatever 2021 brings, we all know there will be more challenges ahead. How we meet them matters – both for ourselves and those around us.
What about you? What kind of person would you like to be in 2021? What kind of heart do you want to pursue and cultivate?
Please know that whatever you’re going through, there’s always more than meets the eye. Please be kind to yourself. Accept yourself as you are in the present moment, as best you can. You’re more important and valuable than you can possibly imagine.
I’m glad we’re in this together. Grief is a lonely journey, but this grief path is well-populated.
I hope to support and serve you well in 2021. That includes emails, Zoom Hangouts, healing resources, and new books. Stay tuned. It’s an honor to walk with you.
Do you have anything you would like to share? Feel free to comment!
Thank you for helping me during my difficult time.
Hi Angela. You’re welcome. I’m glad we’re in this together!
God bless you Gary. Your words have helped me through some of your books and through emails – more than you could ever know. I lost my husband soon after we retired to glioblastoma. It has been almost 3 years. He was 65 and in good health when that terrible diagnosis entered our lives. Finally, in our retirement we looked forward together to many happy days and adventures. I felt like I lost everything and was devastated. I still feel that way at times, but am praying all of the time for peace, calm, and strength in my heart and I am becoming more grateful for what I still have. I pray for this terrible pandemic to be over, so that I personally can reach out to others more easily.
Thank you. I pray that your own struggles and health issues improve and that God watches over you.
Hi Beth. Thanks so much for commenting and sharing. I’m so, so sorry about your husband. What a massive loss indeed. I’ll pray these things you mentioned for you today -and for all grieving hearts. We need these blessings badly. And thank you for your kindness and prayers. I so appreciate them! Blessings to you, Beth.
My husband and I had the privilege of attending a workshop presented by Gary a few years ago, and he was ‘right on’ about grief. He’s transparent, knowledgeable, experienced and compassionate. He’s a great communicator on a subject that can be difficult for the participants. He always gives hope. We highly recommend Gary and his material to all. It can be life changing!
Hi Karen. Thanks for this comment and your encouragement. I appreciate it so much!
Thank you for your compassionate heart.
You have helped me try to get through my complicated grief.
I am working on it but you know those ruminations.
I wish you and your family peace ,happiness and good health.
Hi Mary-Ann. Thank you for sharing this. Complicated grief is a tough, tough road. Thank you for taking your heart seriously. You’re right – those ruminations circle around and around and never seem to land. Keep being nice to yourself and take good care of yourself, Mary-Ann. You’re more important than you realize. Thanks for your encouragement.
2020 my wife of 25 years suddenly died of cancer so I trust in the Lord to bring me through my time of grief and that 2021 will be better
Blessings,
Mark
Hi Mark. I’m so sorry about your wife. What a devastating loss. I’ll be praying that the Lord will do just that. He is surely walking with you in your grief, even if you can’t perceive Him. I’m with you, hoping that 2021 will be better. Praying for you now…
Thanks for being there for me!
HI Gail. Glad to be here, and glad you’re here!
Hello Gary, Your words echo what most of us are feeling at the moment in these days of uncertainty, especially those that are grieving. I feel for you and you family worries, and hope all turns out well.
Your words offer comfort to us all as we can only live in the moment that we have and hope that we find a strength that we didn’t know we had. We all feel each others’ pain and we will get through it together.
Much love to you Gary.
Hi Jean. You are so kind and encouraging. Thank you. It’s a pleasure to walk with you in all this. You are a blessing!
God bless you, and may He hold your heart.
Hi Leigh. Thank you for this. Thank you very much. Blessings to you…
Dear Gary, thank you for reaching out and for all your kind words. I am still grieving the loss of my wonderful husband and was happy to se 2020 leave. I am trying to put one foot in front of me but my heart is so broken. I am blessed to have wonderful friends and amazing neighbors. I hope 2021 will bring some closure for me and for so many others who have lost loved ones. God bless you. Lynda
HI Lynda. Thanks for sharing this. I completely agree. I am so glad you have great support. That can make all the difference. Blessings to you…
Dear Gary,
Good evening. Thank you for your soothing emails. You have been such a healing presence in my life since my best friend of 25 years passed away. I miss her every day but your words have helped me so much. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Susan Pattinson, Hospice RN
Hi Susan. Thank you for all you do in caring for others. And thank you for your support and encouragement. You are a blessing indeed.
Prayers for you, Gary
Thank you, Jane. That means more than you know. Blessings to you…
Gary, you have summed up 2020 so well. This has been the darkest year that I have ever experienced, and I know that so many others must feel the same way. Thank you for guiding us through our grief with your experience, wisdom, and concern. I am praying for you and your family during these times of trouble. Please know that you have made a huge difference in my life this year, thank you from my heart.
HI Floy. You are so welcome. I’m honored to journey with you through all this. I’m glad we can walk together, though our losses and situations are all different. Thank you, Floy.
I want that too
Thank you. Yes, I think many of us do. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for all your hard work and do diligence trying to help us who still are going through something. Even after almost 3 years of the loss of my precious husband I get overwhelmed very easily and still suffer from anxiety. You’re right I will never be the same. But it was good to read that other people have anxiety also due to their loss of a loved one. At least I don’t feel alone. Recently I experienced what I have read in one of your books. I shared with an old friend how I’ve been crying for three days straight about my husband during the holidays and she told me that I should be over that by now. I actually could not believe that she literally wrote that to me. Now I do not share my heart with that particular friend. After she wrote that I cried even more. She doesn’t understand she has a husband. The other thing that I’ve experienced is all the people that used to call me or visit me all disappeared. It’s unbelievable but so true.Thank you for always being there for us. May God bless you and your family and may you have a happy and healthy New Year. Much love in Christ, Donna
Hi Donna. Thank you for this wonderful note of encouragement to me. I’m so sorry for all you’ve experienced and are experiencing. Ugh. Yes, disappointment is SO common in our relationships when we’re grieving. Thankfully, God will fill in the gaps. Please keep being kind to yourself. Blessings to you!
I’m sorry you are personally struggling Gary. You help so many people. Let others help you! Let me know if I can do anything for you. Blessings on you, Rick.
Hi Rick. Great to hear from you. And thank you. We’re just moving through the weeds…one test at a time, one day at a time. The Lord is good and is of course leading every step, every moment. Thank you for your prayers!
Thank you Gary for posting this. You have so eloquently stated what I have been feeling this past year. I have been frustrated, angry, lonely and rebellious. The Lord has convicted me through His scripture about forgiving others. So, Something good is coming out of this turmoil I have experienced this last year.
Thank you Gary for sharing your God-given insights to bring clarity to my life.
Hi Connie. I so agree. Thank you for sharing. We may never know the extent of the “good” that God brings out of tragedy and pain, but He is a Redeemer. He turns things around and uses them for good daily, if we have eyes to see it. Thank you for your insights! Blessings…