When we’re grieving, we seem to bump into a reminder of our loss with every step. This article, taken from Comfort for the Grieving Parent’s Heart, talks about the shock, pain, and frustration we experience when the world reminds us of our loss.

Widowed spouses see couples everywhere. Bereaved parents find themselves noticing other children and families. Grieving adult children are hyperaware of the other parental figures around them. Grieving siblings are suddenly stunned by all the siblings they see around them.

We see our loss everywhere. The reminders are continual. No matter what your loss, I’m sure you can relate to the grieving heart below:

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:

I see other families out there. It hurts.

I see parents and children together smiling and laughing. Holding hands and skipping. Talking and playing. My heart breaks – again and again.

It seems like my heart has broken so many times that soon nothing will be left. I feel like I’m barely here as it is.

All I can think about is you.

I resent the carefree happiness of others. Just the sight of a happy child crushes me.

The world is closing in on me. I can’t get enough air. I feel claustrophobic. Danger and emotional pain seem to be everywhere. My heart is disintegrating, bit by bit.

If I can’t stand to see other families, where does that leave me? They’re everywhere. Next door. Down the street. In supermarkets and stores. In restaurants and movie theaters. On billboards and in advertisements.

As I drive along, it’s like I can feel the presence of other children in the houses along the roads. I can see them riding bikes and walking on the sidewalks, even if there’s no one there. I pass schools every day.

All the world is a reminder that you’re gone. I look for you everywhere. I miss you.

I hate seeing other families right now. I hate that I hate seeing happy children. Who am I? What am I becoming?

Awful. This is truly awful.

The heart always looks for what it misses.

After the loss of a child, just seeing other children and families can be excruciatingly painful. Every visual of a child – or a child and a parent – stabs our hearts, and the grief comes tumbling out. It’s as if our hearts are a mass of painful wounds and bruises waiting to be bumped and punched by life. 

Feeling sad, angry, and even confused by seeing other children and families is natural and common for a parent enduring the death of a child. Our precious son or daughter has been taken from us, and we’re reeling with the shock. We’re stunned and paralyzed. Our hearts are like shattered glass strewn all over the place. Nothing is the same.

We see another child and our hearts scream with pain and longing. How could this happen? Why? Why our child? Why now? Why this way? Why us?

Unfair. Backwards. Wrong. We shake our heads. No, this can’t be. Such things should not happen. Logically, we know such unthinkable tragedies do happen – every day. But not to us. Not to our child. 

This pain is unique. There is nothing else like it. No other loss we have endured or could ever face comes close. This is deep, personal, and pervasive. This was our child. Ours. 

Some days, just getting out of bed might take massive effort. Every step into the world can feel emotionally dangerous. We’re feeling our loss. This death has overtaken us and permeated everything.

Right now, the loss of our child has become the lens through which we see everything.  We must give ourselves permission to hurt – to be sad, angry, confused, and all the rest. All the emotions and all the pain honor our child. Our grief proclaims our love. The intensity of our mourning shouts how unique and special they were and are to us. 

This is unknown territory for us. Everything might look the same, but it’s not. The world has changed, forever. Each step is new. We must be patient with ourselves, breathe deeply, and do what we know to take care of ourselves today. Our child would want that. 

Affirmation: Seeing other children and parents might be painful for me. I’ll use the pain to help me grieve and express my love for you. My heart is broken, and I miss you desperately.

Adapted from the newly released Comfort for the Grieving Parent’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Child. You can watch the brief book video here.

Additional Recommended Resources:

7 Reasons Why Grief Hurts So Much – Gary Roe YouTube

What To Do When We Feel Like We Might Explode – The Grief Toolbox

When You Miss Their Voice – www.garyroe.com

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