Loss strikes the heart. The resulting grief can feel paralyzing at times. This post, adapted from the book Aftermath: Picking Up the Pieces After a Suicide, tells the tale many of us are familiar with – feeling stunned and stuck. No matter what your loss might be, most likely you can relate to the Grieving Heart below.

“Constant questions and countless flashbacks took their toll. I was paralyzed.” – S.B.

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:

I feel frozen. Stuck. Paralyzed.

The world is moving, but I’m not. I’m going through the motions. I walk in a daze.

I find myself staring at walls. I can’t move. It’s like my heart has been anesthetized.

My emotions are so intense. I’m often hijacked and overcome by them. My feelings are so strong, they have taken over my life.

I can see everything, but I’m not participating somehow. I’m different now. I just exist, and my existence is painful and scary.

This is truly awful.

Grief paralysis can be frightening.

After a traumatic loss like this, our emotions can overwhelm us.

We need breaks from the intensity. Feeling all the grief at once might even kill us. Our hearts and minds combine their efforts to protect us. When the emotional overwhelm gets to be too much, they shut down. We can feel temporarily frozen or paralyzed. We can handle only so much.

This internal paralysis can be frightening. Perhaps we’ve never experienced anything like it before. Rest assured this frozen feeling is common for those who have endured a death by suicide.

Again, this paralyzed, stuck feeling is temporary. Your heart and mind are trying to find space to breathe amid all the heaviness. You need breaks from the intensity of the grief. Your system acts to protect you when things get to be too much.

Keep breathing deeply. You will get through this, though at times you wonder how. Feeling stuck or frozen honors the one you lost. Your heart is expressing itself. Be patient with yourself and give your heart room to grieve.  

Affirmation: When I feel frozen and paralyzed, I’ll remind myself that this is common. My heart needs breaks from the intensity of the grief.  

CONSIDER:

If you’re feeling emotionally paralyzed, please know that this is common in cases of difficult loss. You’re stunned and overloaded. Emotions crowd together, and the heaviness of it all can temporarily shut you down.

Here are some things you might tell yourself when you feel paralyzed:  

• It’s okay that I’m feeling paralyzed right now.

• I will not always feel this way. This is temporary. It will pass.

• I will breathe deeply and focus on my breathing.

• I will think of one thing I can do to care for myself and then do that.  

You have reason to feel paralyzed from time to time. It fits the gravity and pain of what happened. Be kind to yourself.

Adapted from Aftermath: Picking Up the Pieces After a Suicide. Watch the brief book video here.

Additional Recommended Resources:

7 Tips to Getting Unstuck in Grief and in Life – Thrive Global

7 Tips for When You Feel Numb and Empty – www.garyroe.com

I Feel Trapped Sometimes – The Grief Toolbox