The world changed overnight. COVID-19 appeared, and we’re all feeling the effects of this powerful tsunami.
In my previous post, 5 Tips: Grief, Fear, and the Coronavirus, I talked about the huge losses we’re experiencing and how to handle them.
Today’s post, adapted from the book Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child, talks specifically about anxiety. There’s a lot of anxiety out there right now. No matter what your particular situation, chances are you’ll be able to relate. Read on…
When We Shake Inside
“What’s happening to me?” Maureen asked, her voice trembling.
“I’m nervous. I shake inside. I wake up panicky in the middle of the night. I can’t settle down. Yesterday, I had an anxiety attack in the grocery store,” she continued. “I seem to be anxious all the time, about everything.”
Maureen’s daughter Molly began having sudden vision problems. A visit to the eye doctor morphed into a trip to the ER. By the end of the day, Maureen had been told that Molly had an advanced, inoperable brain tumor.
Molly died two years later. She was eight years old.
Molly’s treatment was an intense, exhausting process. Those two years seemed like a lifetime. Her parents managed to hold it together through it all. Soon after the funeral, however, things changed. The intense activity came to a grinding halt, and all the anxiety stored up in them began to spurt out.
“I worry about everything. What’s going to happen next? Who’s next?” Maureen asked, hands shaking, her eyes pleading for relief.
Anxiety Often Follows Loss
When loss shatters our world, anxiety is usually one of the results.
Our sense of control is gone. We feel helpless. We wonder what will happen next.
It’s never about just one loss. Losses come in bunches. The world and life are not as predictable or as fair as we imagined. We’re not as powerful as we thought. We’re have far less control than we dreamed.
Anything can happen at any time to ourselves or to anyone we love and care about.
Anxiety is the natural result.
We are limited beings. We can only handle so much stress, loss, and tragedy. The anxiety builds. Sooner or later, we begin to feel it. It slowly leaks, spurts out, or bursts forth in a flood.
Our lives have been forcefully altered. Anxiety and panic attacks are common.
Anxiety is a natural expression of our grief.
“I’m anxious. That’s natural. Loss can be traumatic.”
AN EXERCISE TO TRY:
“Just breathe,” is a common phrase in grief recovery and stress management circles. Deep breathing can be one of the best practices to implement when anxiety strikes.
- Take some time now, and breathe.
- Close your eyes and breathe in deeply and slowly through your nose.
- Then let it out slowly through your mouth.
- Repeat, again and again.
Do this for several minutes, focusing on your own breathing as much as possible.
Do this simple breathing exercise at least once each day. Practicing it when you’re not anxious is important. Once deep breathing becomes a habit, you can apply it much more easily when anxiety or panic strikes. Over time, a well-practiced habit of breathing deeply can make a huge difference.
FROM A FELLOW GRIEVING HEART:
“Loss strips you to the core, and there are times you will have to remind yourself to breathe. Breathe! You can survive. You will survive.”
Adapted from the Best Book Awards Finalist and Amazon Bestseller, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child.
Question: Are you having increased anxiety at present? If so, please share with us about it. What have you found helpful in managing your anxiety?
Additional Recommended Resources:
5 Tips: Grief, Fear, and the Coronavirus – www.garyroe.com
Grief Soundbites: Anxiety – Gary Roe YouTube
The 5 Step Anti-Anxiety Prescription – Wellness
I am currently having blood pressures issues. I know it is anxiety related. My dr put me on BP meds. I know it is due to my ‘grief anxiety’ I stood & watched my son be put on a vent 19 months ago. And I saw him die on a vent. All the news daily of talk of corona patients put on vents seems to just be a daily, in your face reminder.
Hi Christy. Oh no. I’m so sorry. How awful indeed. No, you can’t un-experience something like that. And you’re right – the current pandemic situation does throw it right in your face every day. I’m not surprised by the BP issues, but I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that too. Please be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. Do what you can to “release” the grief inside somehow – talking, writing, drawing, exercise, etc. And please feel free to reach out here any time. I’m here to help, if I can.
I lost my youngest daughter last year. I am so fearful of this virus that it may take another child. I have been very anxious and crying. I live alone and have been isolated for two weeks.
Hi Maya. I’m so, so sorry about your daughter. Yes, this time can push our fears through the roof. Please be kind to yourself in all this. Please stay connected to people who are helpful to you – as you are able. And please reach out here any time. Blessings to you, Maya.
I have been on depression meds for a long time. Coincidentally I am meeting with my PCP tomorrow. I am going to ask him if my meds can be increased.i have read many of your books.
HI Beverly. Thanks for sharing this. Hope you are doing well and that things have settled down a little. Please keep being kind to yourself. Blessings to you…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? My anxiety has increased tenfold since the corona virus began. Yes I wonder will I get it, will my son get it. I’m a 63 yr old handicap widow who lives alone. I have always been surrounded by people. I lost my husband of 25 years nineteen years ago. We had 2 boys. I also lost my 42 year old son two years ago this June. He was handicapped from the accident and got into drugs. Three months before his death we found out I had lung cancer (which I beat). I watched as he slid into the world of drugs deeper and deeper. He was the drunk driver of a vehicle and in a serious car accident in 1994. It was the second week of his senior year in high school His car was filled with his friends. He suffered the rest of his life. 5 years after the accident he had one of his legs amputated. My other son is 31 but most of time we are oil and water. Today mY entire insides shake. It’s embarrassing. Yet I cannot stop nor control it. How many of you out there have had increased anxiety? Have you been able to control it? In 5 months in 1994 I lost my mom, dad, mother-in-law, father-in-law and mY sons accident. He spent 16 months in hospital. It didn’t stop there. I have never grieved any of the above. I think they are on vacation and will be back. When and if I do grieve the above it will be the end of me. Am I normal? Am I abnormal? I can’t take life anymore. Breathing exercises have not helped at all. Sadly, they have never helped me. I am now concerned as I feel I will never stop constantly panicking and shaking on the inside. Is this the beginning of the end for me? Makes me wonder….
Hi Beverly. Thanks for commenting and sharing this. I’m so sorry for all that you are enduring. Yes, high anxiety is hitting most people out there – to varying degrees. Just the amount of change and potential change we’re enduring is huge – even catastrophic. And those of us with huge losses back there – well – it’s hard for us not to see things through dark lenses. We feel vulnerable – very much so. I can relate to the shaking inside – I think many of us can relate to that, though not many might admit it. You’ve got a heavy load behind you, Beverly. Very heavy. I’ll begin praying for you – that you can find a way to release some of these things – one at a time, over and over. Just keep releasing as you can. Now is not forever, though it can feel like it at times. Praying for you now…
Helpful article. Thank you! Praying for you as your ministry is so important. Gayle
Hi Gayle. Thank you for your kindness and your prayers. I need both. Thank you, thank you!
My anxiety has been coming in spurts. As long as I stay busy I don’t seem to be as anxious. But when you are stuck at home all the time its hard to find things to keep you busy. Its when I have time to sit and think about things that I start to feel anxious. I worry about how things will be once this pandemic is all over. After months of not being out around people will my social anxiety keep me from even wanting to leave the house again? And another thing I worry about is my grandson who was adopted out after his father died. I have not seen him or heard anything about him in 8 years now. If anything was to happen to him would his adopted family even let us know. I worry about how my kids and grandkids will come out of this and what the world will be like for them after this. It seems like everything is at a halt right now but what happens once its over and everyone goes back to work. Or for those who lost their jobs start looking for work. Will our economy survive what is happening right now. Will we end up in another great depression and have to ration everything. Right now all I can do is pray and try to prepare the best I can for what ever happens. And try to keep as busy as I can so I don’t think about it too much.
Hi Linda. Thanks for sharing this. You’re right. So much is up in the air. We don’t fully understand what’s happening, or what things will be like tomorrow, next week, or next year. All of this is stress-producing for everyone. Praying and doing what you can based on what you know – you’re right, that’s about all you can do – and that’s a lot! Prayer, of course, is the most powerful thing we can do – but we often forget that. Be kind to yourself, Linda. Blessings to you…
While still grieving for my husband , we get hit with this deadly virus! I am back suffering anxiety attacks and intense fear. I worry bout my children and my self. I see the world as a big, bad place. I control absolutely nothing!!
Thanks for sharing this. Yes, that lack of control can be so frightening and scary. I’m so sorry for that. Please be as kind to yourself as possible. Picture yourself releasing the anxieties and fears, one by one. And keep releasing. This is an up and down, ongoing process. Tough, tough stuff. Stay safe…