December is upon us.
Ah, the holidays.
Halls, houses, and lawns are decked with festive decorations. Kitchens are filled with delightful, savory aromas. The air is laced with laughter, familiar music, and the tinkling of Salvation Army bells.
The holiday spirit is everywhere.
But underneath the bright lights, smiles, and cheerful greetings lurks the unseen warehouse of holiday expectations. We have to top last year, and the year before that. Bigger, better, more colorful, and more delicious. We must somehow make this holiday more “wow,” better than ever before, the best ever.
We all have expectations. We have ideas of how this should go, what should happen, and when. We have expectations of others. Others have expectation of us. We have expectations of ourselves based on what we think others’ expectations are.
Even our culture has expectations. Have the appropriate holiday spirit. Engage in holiday cheer. Fa-la-la-la-la, and all that. Be happy, happy, happy! And above all, buy, buy, buy.
The pressure mounts.
What if we’re not happy?
What if we’re not happy? What if we’re actually sad? What if we’ve lost a loved one, or several? What if we’re depressed?
Amidst the smiling faces, there are some wounded hearts. Holidays are naturally times for reminiscing. Memories of what we once had swim before our eyes. We become hyper-aware of who and what we’ve lost.
Grief is lonely thing. Surrounded by gaiety, a broken heart can feel more alone and isolated than ever. No one wants to hurt for the holidays, but some of us do.
Hurting for the Holidays?
How do we deal with this?
Here are a few suggestions:
1. Manage those expectations.
One question to ask ourselves might be, “Exactly whose game are we playing here?” Instead of plowing ahead as usual, let’s pause and take a good look at our expectations and plans. What do we want this holiday to be like? What’s honestly possible and realistic? What do we really want to do, how, when, and with whom?
Focus on a few things. What’s most important? What must happen? Along the way it might be good to let those close to you know you’re doing things differently this year. This will help manage their expectations too.
2. Make a plan to remember loved ones who’ve passed on.
Acknowledge the elephant in the room. Bring up their name and talk about them. Invite others to share a special memory or what they miss most. Holidays are a wonderful time to honor the special people who now reside in our hearts rather than next to us.
3. Be kind to yourself.
You can do more than merely survive. Take your heart and health seriously. Pace yourself. Rest. If you love yourself well through this time, that love will spill over onto family and friends as well.
Watch those expectations. Focus on the most important things. Simplify. Honor deceased loved ones. Be kind to yourself along the way.
These holidays might be tough and stressful, but they can still be good.
Adapted from Gary’s article “Healthy Holidays: Managing Stress and Grief” from INSITE Magazine and his book Surviving the Holidays Without You (2016 Book Excellence Award Finalist).
Photo Credit: ©photodune.net
16 months since we lost our 30 year old son. He was killed by a woman attempting suicide on the freeway. He was such a nice, nice guy. Dad of 3 young daughters, carpenter, Christian. EMT he was a kind, gentle soul. It all seems so wrong. Nothing prepares you for something like this. Life lost a lot of it’s sparkle. This second Christmas just makes me uninterested. We have 8 grandchildren and we need to do it for them. I am still making myself do Santa’s workshop an annual tradition of crafts and cookies with them. I feel that is consuming most of my energy. I would like the tree up to put their ornaments on it but just don’t know if I will get to it. I work at the post office and it is so stressful and intense this time of year. Having a hard time taking care of myself right now. Feel scattered and unfocused. Don’t like that I am a doer!
Hi Cindy. I’m so sorry about your son. What a terrible tragedy. No wonder it all feels so wrong. Ugh. And the second set of holidays is harder for some…depending on the type and intensity of the loss. I can see where taking care of yourself in the midst of all the stress and activity of the season would be hard, hard, hard. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. Feel free to share any time. I’ll be praying for good rest, good nutrition, and some miraculous peace.
16 months since we lost our 30 year old son. He was killed by a woman attempting suicide on the freeway. He was such a nice, nice guy. Dad of 3 young daughters, carpenter, Christian. EMT he was a kind, gentle soul. It all seems so wrong. Nothing prepares you for something like this. Life lost a lot of it’s sparkle. This second Christmas just makes me uninterested. We have 8 grandchildren and we need to do it for them. I am still making myself do Santa’s workshop an annual tradition of crafts and cookies with them. I feel that is consuming most of my energy. I would like the tree up to put their ornaments on it but just don’t know if I will get to it. I work at the post office and it is so stressful and intense this time of year. Having a hard time taking care of myself right now. Feel scattered and unfocused. Don’t like that I am a doer!
Hi Cindy. I’m so sorry about your son. What a terrible tragedy. No wonder it all feels so wrong. Ugh. And the second set of holidays is harder for some…depending on the type and intensity of the loss. I can see where taking care of yourself in the midst of all the stress and activity of the season would be hard, hard, hard. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. Feel free to share any time. I’ll be praying for good rest, good nutrition, and some miraculous peace.
16 months since we lost our 30 year old son. He was killed by a woman attempting suicide on the freeway. He was such a nice, nice guy. Dad of 3 young daughters, carpenter, Christian. EMT he was a kind, gentle soul. It all seems so wrong. Nothing prepares you for something like this. Life lost a lot of it’s sparkle. This second Christmas just makes me uninterested. We have 8 grandchildren and we need to do it for them. I am still making myself do Santa’s workshop an annual tradition of crafts and cookies with them. I feel that is consuming most of my energy. I would like the tree up to put their ornaments on it but just don’t know if I will get to it. I work at the post office and it is so stressful and intense this time of year. Having a hard time taking care of myself right now. Feel scattered and unfocused. Don’t like that I am a doer!
Hi Cindy. I’m so sorry about your son. What a terrible tragedy. No wonder it all feels so wrong. Ugh. And the second set of holidays is harder for some…depending on the type and intensity of the loss. I can see where taking care of yourself in the midst of all the stress and activity of the season would be hard, hard, hard. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. Feel free to share any time. I’ll be praying for good rest, good nutrition, and some miraculous peace.
Gary, an extraordinary circumstance has doubled down on my grief as well as my grieving sisters. We are a group of women who have all lost our husbands in the last couple of years. Many was the day and/or night we thought we wouldn’t make it another minute without our spouses. The pain is so cruel and so sneaky. Grief is stealth and comes upon us without warning and holds its ugly boot on our throats. This year our grieving hearts have been compounded with the 2016 election results. We are all dumbstruck by the ascendancy of the reality show star who should be the very last person to claim the white house. We are all crushed by this unlikely event as we are so deeply in mourning our hubbies without this added distress.
HI Jeri. I am so glad that you have your sisters…and I’m so sorry you’re all going through this kind of deep, lasting grief. The bond between you must be so, so strong. And this election year was so dramatic and full of intensity, that most of us are worn out. Grief is fatiguing enough. Whew. Please be kind to yourself over the holidays. You are more special and valuable than you can possibly imagine.
Gary, an extraordinary circumstance has doubled down on my grief as well as my grieving sisters. We are a group of women who have all lost our husbands in the last couple of years. Many was the day and/or night we thought we wouldn’t make it another minute without our spouses. The pain is so cruel and so sneaky. Grief is stealth and comes upon us without warning and holds its ugly boot on our throats. This year our grieving hearts have been compounded with the 2016 election results. We are all dumbstruck by the ascendancy of the reality show star who should be the very last person to claim the white house. We are all crushed by this unlikely event as we are so deeply in mourning our hubbies without this added distress.
HI Jeri. I am so glad that you have your sisters…and I’m so sorry you’re all going through this kind of deep, lasting grief. The bond between you must be so, so strong. And this election year was so dramatic and full of intensity, that most of us are worn out. Grief is fatiguing enough. Whew. Please be kind to yourself over the holidays. You are more special and valuable than you can possibly imagine.
Gary, an extraordinary circumstance has doubled down on my grief as well as my grieving sisters. We are a group of women who have all lost our husbands in the last couple of years. Many was the day and/or night we thought we wouldn’t make it another minute without our spouses. The pain is so cruel and so sneaky. Grief is stealth and comes upon us without warning and holds its ugly boot on our throats. This year our grieving hearts have been compounded with the 2016 election results. We are all dumbstruck by the ascendancy of the reality show star who should be the very last person to claim the white house. We are all crushed by this unlikely event as we are so deeply in mourning our hubbies without this added distress.
HI Jeri. I am so glad that you have your sisters…and I’m so sorry you’re all going through this kind of deep, lasting grief. The bond between you must be so, so strong. And this election year was so dramatic and full of intensity, that most of us are worn out. Grief is fatiguing enough. Whew. Please be kind to yourself over the holidays. You are more special and valuable than you can possibly imagine.
I didn’t put up my Christmas tree this year. I decorated my foyer, family room, living room, and dining room. Had not desire to do the tree. Christmas will be hard this year. Last year this time, I was with my Reggie making plans to be married in 2017 and looking forward to the Christmas season. This year he’s gone. Christmas hadn’t been the same for me since I lost my dear husband in 2007. My 20th anniversary is coming up on December 13….that’s also Reggie’s 55th birthday….double whammy.
I know that God does not make mistakes and for whatever reason, He has allowed me to go through several losses in my life. I know that He loves me and does nothing to hurt or harm me, but to give me hope and a future. I’m standing on His promises and trusting in His Faithfulness.
Peace to you…..
Hi Debra. Thank you for sharing. I thank God for your faith. Yes, He is faithful, and He will take care of you. He heals broken hearts. And we wait for the ultimate redemption and reunion ahead. Thank goodness this current physical reality is not all there is. Peace back to you this Christmas season. You are well loved.
I didn’t put up my Christmas tree this year. I decorated my foyer, family room, living room, and dining room. Had not desire to do the tree. Christmas will be hard this year. Last year this time, I was with my Reggie making plans to be married in 2017 and looking forward to the Christmas season. This year he’s gone. Christmas hadn’t been the same for me since I lost my dear husband in 2007. My 20th anniversary is coming up on December 13….that’s also Reggie’s 55th birthday….double whammy.
I know that God does not make mistakes and for whatever reason, He has allowed me to go through several losses in my life. I know that He loves me and does nothing to hurt or harm me, but to give me hope and a future. I’m standing on His promises and trusting in His Faithfulness.
Peace to you…..
Hi Debra. Thank you for sharing. I thank God for your faith. Yes, He is faithful, and He will take care of you. He heals broken hearts. And we wait for the ultimate redemption and reunion ahead. Thank goodness this current physical reality is not all there is. Peace back to you this Christmas season. You are well loved.
I didn’t put up my Christmas tree this year. I decorated my foyer, family room, living room, and dining room. Had not desire to do the tree. Christmas will be hard this year. Last year this time, I was with my Reggie making plans to be married in 2017 and looking forward to the Christmas season. This year he’s gone. Christmas hadn’t been the same for me since I lost my dear husband in 2007. My 20th anniversary is coming up on December 13….that’s also Reggie’s 55th birthday….double whammy.
I know that God does not make mistakes and for whatever reason, He has allowed me to go through several losses in my life. I know that He loves me and does nothing to hurt or harm me, but to give me hope and a future. I’m standing on His promises and trusting in His Faithfulness.
Peace to you…..
Hi Debra. Thank you for sharing. I thank God for your faith. Yes, He is faithful, and He will take care of you. He heals broken hearts. And we wait for the ultimate redemption and reunion ahead. Thank goodness this current physical reality is not all there is. Peace back to you this Christmas season. You are well loved.
This is my 2nd year (and harder year) without my husband. This is also the 1st year my younger daughter has been out of state at college. She’ll be home for the Christmas Break – about 3-4 weeks. She and my older daughter had always done the holiday decorating with my husband (their father). I never really got into the ‘Spirit of Christmas” – not sure why. I think it had to do with my small OCD issues and the clutter and the mess during the decorating process and especially afterwards when it is time to put it all back in the attic.
I really don’t want to decorate at all this year. Maybe put up a small tree is all. We purchased a small tree last year as a keepsake for my husband. We decorated it only with things he liked; sports memorabilia, family photos, etc.
We will not be having any gatherings this year at my house – for the 1st time in over 10 years. I just don’t think it’s appropriate any more. With my husband not being there, the man of the house, it’s just not the same.
And the fact that I am estranged from part of my small family. Haven’t spoken to my only brother, his wife and their 2 adult children in quite some time. It’s just not the same. I believe it’s time to move away from all this and start something new.
Actually, this year, my daughters and I will be traveling to my parents, who live about an hour down south to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I feel me being out of the house that I always had my holidays with my husband and family may be a good change of pace for now.
Thoughts? Suggestions? All are appreciated.
HI Heather. Thank you for sharing with me. It is true that the 2nd year is different than the first. The loss tends to settle in a little more, and the pain changes. It can be very challenging. It sounds like you have thought through this well. You have made a plan, and been proactive about it. You’re taking your own heart seriously, and are taking care of yourself. Honestly, it sounds like you are doing well, though I know it doesn’t feel that way. Yes, it will be difficult. And yes, perhaps a change of pace would be good. Please feel free to stay connected and let me know how you’re doing and how things are going. Thanks again for reaching out. Blessings to you…
This is my 2nd year (and harder year) without my husband. This is also the 1st year my younger daughter has been out of state at college. She’ll be home for the Christmas Break – about 3-4 weeks. She and my older daughter had always done the holiday decorating with my husband (their father). I never really got into the ‘Spirit of Christmas” – not sure why. I think it had to do with my small OCD issues and the clutter and the mess during the decorating process and especially afterwards when it is time to put it all back in the attic.
I really don’t want to decorate at all this year. Maybe put up a small tree is all. We purchased a small tree last year as a keepsake for my husband. We decorated it only with things he liked; sports memorabilia, family photos, etc.
We will not be having any gatherings this year at my house – for the 1st time in over 10 years. I just don’t think it’s appropriate any more. With my husband not being there, the man of the house, it’s just not the same.
And the fact that I am estranged from part of my small family. Haven’t spoken to my only brother, his wife and their 2 adult children in quite some time. It’s just not the same. I believe it’s time to move away from all this and start something new.
Actually, this year, my daughters and I will be traveling to my parents, who live about an hour down south to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I feel me being out of the house that I always had my holidays with my husband and family may be a good change of pace for now.
Thoughts? Suggestions? All are appreciated.
HI Heather. Thank you for sharing with me. It is true that the 2nd year is different than the first. The loss tends to settle in a little more, and the pain changes. It can be very challenging. It sounds like you have thought through this well. You have made a plan, and been proactive about it. You’re taking your own heart seriously, and are taking care of yourself. Honestly, it sounds like you are doing well, though I know it doesn’t feel that way. Yes, it will be difficult. And yes, perhaps a change of pace would be good. Please feel free to stay connected and let me know how you’re doing and how things are going. Thanks again for reaching out. Blessings to you…
This is my 2nd year (and harder year) without my husband. This is also the 1st year my younger daughter has been out of state at college. She’ll be home for the Christmas Break – about 3-4 weeks. She and my older daughter had always done the holiday decorating with my husband (their father). I never really got into the ‘Spirit of Christmas” – not sure why. I think it had to do with my small OCD issues and the clutter and the mess during the decorating process and especially afterwards when it is time to put it all back in the attic.
I really don’t want to decorate at all this year. Maybe put up a small tree is all. We purchased a small tree last year as a keepsake for my husband. We decorated it only with things he liked; sports memorabilia, family photos, etc.
We will not be having any gatherings this year at my house – for the 1st time in over 10 years. I just don’t think it’s appropriate any more. With my husband not being there, the man of the house, it’s just not the same.
And the fact that I am estranged from part of my small family. Haven’t spoken to my only brother, his wife and their 2 adult children in quite some time. It’s just not the same. I believe it’s time to move away from all this and start something new.
Actually, this year, my daughters and I will be traveling to my parents, who live about an hour down south to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I feel me being out of the house that I always had my holidays with my husband and family may be a good change of pace for now.
Thoughts? Suggestions? All are appreciated.
HI Heather. Thank you for sharing with me. It is true that the 2nd year is different than the first. The loss tends to settle in a little more, and the pain changes. It can be very challenging. It sounds like you have thought through this well. You have made a plan, and been proactive about it. You’re taking your own heart seriously, and are taking care of yourself. Honestly, it sounds like you are doing well, though I know it doesn’t feel that way. Yes, it will be difficult. And yes, perhaps a change of pace would be good. Please feel free to stay connected and let me know how you’re doing and how things are going. Thanks again for reaching out. Blessings to you…
Thanks! I struggle about every 3 days with the lows of my divorce three yrs ago . And how much he has moved on and how lonely I feel. How sad. Every decoration brings up a memory of love and marriage. It’s been very abusive emotionally and to have your ex hate u that much. I don’t deserve it. Thank u for the wise words.
Hi Paula. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. The pain and confusion must be immense. I’m sure you feel betrayed, abandoned, and a host of other things. Yes, these holidays will probably be full of triggers. Please be kind to yourself. Do you have someone where you are that you can share freely with, without fear of judgment? Do you feel like you have good support?
Thanks! I struggle about every 3 days with the lows of my divorce three yrs ago . And how much he has moved on and how lonely I feel. How sad. Every decoration brings up a memory of love and marriage. It’s been very abusive emotionally and to have your ex hate u that much. I don’t deserve it. Thank u for the wise words.
Hi Paula. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. The pain and confusion must be immense. I’m sure you feel betrayed, abandoned, and a host of other things. Yes, these holidays will probably be full of triggers. Please be kind to yourself. Do you have someone where you are that you can share freely with, without fear of judgment? Do you feel like you have good support?
Thanks! I struggle about every 3 days with the lows of my divorce three yrs ago . And how much he has moved on and how lonely I feel. How sad. Every decoration brings up a memory of love and marriage. It’s been very abusive emotionally and to have your ex hate u that much. I don’t deserve it. Thank u for the wise words.
Hi Paula. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. The pain and confusion must be immense. I’m sure you feel betrayed, abandoned, and a host of other things. Yes, these holidays will probably be full of triggers. Please be kind to yourself. Do you have someone where you are that you can share freely with, without fear of judgment? Do you feel like you have good support?
I would prefer the holidays be over. Like….now. Just tired of trying to fake it. Tired of being alone on Christmas Day. I have a headache every day. If I could just disappear until they are over, that would be ok. I lost my husband of 42 years two years ago. And than last month I lost my dog. Cold and lonely winter. Probably feel like a pitiful person but I know I have a lot to be thankful for. House, car, food. So much more than a lot of people. So forgive me. I just miss my husband, and yes….now my dog.
Hi Bev. Thanks for sharing with me. I’m sorry – so sorry about your husband and now your dog. No wonder you feel as you do about the holidays. Yes, grief can cause headaches – and a whole lot of other uncomfortable physical symptoms. Do you have anyone there you feel like you can share freely with? We all need people like that, but sometimes they are rare. Please feel free to share any time. So many are hurting…at least we can walk together a little. Blessings to you, Bev.
I would prefer the holidays be over. Like….now. Just tired of trying to fake it. Tired of being alone on Christmas Day. I have a headache every day. If I could just disappear until they are over, that would be ok. I lost my husband of 42 years two years ago. And than last month I lost my dog. Cold and lonely winter. Probably feel like a pitiful person but I know I have a lot to be thankful for. House, car, food. So much more than a lot of people. So forgive me. I just miss my husband, and yes….now my dog.
Hi Bev. Thanks for sharing with me. I’m sorry – so sorry about your husband and now your dog. No wonder you feel as you do about the holidays. Yes, grief can cause headaches – and a whole lot of other uncomfortable physical symptoms. Do you have anyone there you feel like you can share freely with? We all need people like that, but sometimes they are rare. Please feel free to share any time. So many are hurting…at least we can walk together a little. Blessings to you, Bev.
I would prefer the holidays be over. Like….now. Just tired of trying to fake it. Tired of being alone on Christmas Day. I have a headache every day. If I could just disappear until they are over, that would be ok. I lost my husband of 42 years two years ago. And than last month I lost my dog. Cold and lonely winter. Probably feel like a pitiful person but I know I have a lot to be thankful for. House, car, food. So much more than a lot of people. So forgive me. I just miss my husband, and yes….now my dog.
Hi Bev. Thanks for sharing with me. I’m sorry – so sorry about your husband and now your dog. No wonder you feel as you do about the holidays. Yes, grief can cause headaches – and a whole lot of other uncomfortable physical symptoms. Do you have anyone there you feel like you can share freely with? We all need people like that, but sometimes they are rare. Please feel free to share any time. So many are hurting…at least we can walk together a little. Blessings to you, Bev.
Hi Gary. Tree is up but not sure when it will be decorated…..it will happen but might not happen until Christmas Eve. Thanks for all you do, Gary and family. You are all awesome. I think I am miles ahead because of your walk with us. I dont have to explain to you the pain I know this season will bring. But, I believe that God brought me to and he will get me through it…..he always has. I let the tears come when they need to and I am expecting hard patches for the next many years (not to mention this Christmas season) but I just have to hang tight to believing that I can do all things through the strength I get from Him. Wishing you love and Peace.
Hi Deb. Yes, indeed…He will get you through. Jesus lives in you, and He knows…and I believe He actually feels what you feel. What a wonderful, close companion and Savior. Please feel free to reach out and share. Together, we’ll get through this…again! Blessings to you…
Hi Gary. Tree is up but not sure when it will be decorated…..it will happen but might not happen until Christmas Eve. Thanks for all you do, Gary and family. You are all awesome. I think I am miles ahead because of your walk with us. I dont have to explain to you the pain I know this season will bring. But, I believe that God brought me to and he will get me through it…..he always has. I let the tears come when they need to and I am expecting hard patches for the next many years (not to mention this Christmas season) but I just have to hang tight to believing that I can do all things through the strength I get from Him. Wishing you love and Peace.
Hi Deb. Yes, indeed…He will get you through. Jesus lives in you, and He knows…and I believe He actually feels what you feel. What a wonderful, close companion and Savior. Please feel free to reach out and share. Together, we’ll get through this…again! Blessings to you…
Hi Gary. Tree is up but not sure when it will be decorated…..it will happen but might not happen until Christmas Eve. Thanks for all you do, Gary and family. You are all awesome. I think I am miles ahead because of your walk with us. I dont have to explain to you the pain I know this season will bring. But, I believe that God brought me to and he will get me through it…..he always has. I let the tears come when they need to and I am expecting hard patches for the next many years (not to mention this Christmas season) but I just have to hang tight to believing that I can do all things through the strength I get from Him. Wishing you love and Peace.
Hi Deb. Yes, indeed…He will get you through. Jesus lives in you, and He knows…and I believe He actually feels what you feel. What a wonderful, close companion and Savior. Please feel free to reach out and share. Together, we’ll get through this…again! Blessings to you…
Hello, it has been 37 years since our 6 yr old son died of a sudden illness. His birthday is December 17th, for the past 6 yrs. we have used some of his birthday and Christmas money to buy Christmas presents for a child/children who are listed on the Santa Fund from the school where I work. We feel blessed to honor him in this way and have so much fun shopping!
HI Brenda. I’m so sorry about your son. Thank you for sharing him with us. And what a wonderful way to honor him! Way to go! What a different world it would be if we all chose to use our grief to honor our loved ones and serve others. Thank you, and blessings!
Hello, it has been 37 years since our 6 yr old son died of a sudden illness. His birthday is December 17th, for the past 6 yrs. we have used some of his birthday and Christmas money to buy Christmas presents for a child/children who are listed on the Santa Fund from the school where I work. We feel blessed to honor him in this way and have so much fun shopping!
HI Brenda. I’m so sorry about your son. Thank you for sharing him with us. And what a wonderful way to honor him! Way to go! What a different world it would be if we all chose to use our grief to honor our loved ones and serve others. Thank you, and blessings!
Hello, it has been 37 years since our 6 yr old son died of a sudden illness. His birthday is December 17th, for the past 6 yrs. we have used some of his birthday and Christmas money to buy Christmas presents for a child/children who are listed on the Santa Fund from the school where I work. We feel blessed to honor him in this way and have so much fun shopping!
HI Brenda. I’m so sorry about your son. Thank you for sharing him with us. And what a wonderful way to honor him! Way to go! What a different world it would be if we all chose to use our grief to honor our loved ones and serve others. Thank you, and blessings!
If I can find a decent table top tree, it will go on deck with lights. Phil loved to sit at dining room table and see little tree thru back window.
Like all other special days, I’ll place a card by his clock urn, and because it’s Christmas, I’ll put one of the candles we used to put in windows, by his urn, too.
Other than that, it’ll just be my son and me. No tree, no other family. No special dinner. Getting his gifts this Thursday.
Phils one sister has lunch on the 26th, but I just can’t go. I can’t medicate just to get thru the visit, and watch them carry on like nothing is different. I know we all grieve differently, but they never give any signs of actually missing their brother/uncle. I just can’t deal with it.
Like the song says, all I want for Christmas is you(him). I just want him back, or to be with him where ever he is. It’s our third Christmas apart. I just don’t want to do this anymore.
Hi Barb. Thank you for sharing this. I love the traditions you’ve chosen to honor and remember him – not like you could ever forget him, even for a moment! I’m so sorry about the loneliness, and the pain – and just the missing him. I know it’s constant, and heavy. It wears us down over time. Ugh. I love that song, by the way – but it can be hard to hear and listen to. Blessings to you…
If I can find a decent table top tree, it will go on deck with lights. Phil loved to sit at dining room table and see little tree thru back window.
Like all other special days, I’ll place a card by his clock urn, and because it’s Christmas, I’ll put one of the candles we used to put in windows, by his urn, too.
Other than that, it’ll just be my son and me. No tree, no other family. No special dinner. Getting his gifts this Thursday.
Phils one sister has lunch on the 26th, but I just can’t go. I can’t medicate just to get thru the visit, and watch them carry on like nothing is different. I know we all grieve differently, but they never give any signs of actually missing their brother/uncle. I just can’t deal with it.
Like the song says, all I want for Christmas is you(him). I just want him back, or to be with him where ever he is. It’s our third Christmas apart. I just don’t want to do this anymore.
Hi Barb. Thank you for sharing this. I love the traditions you’ve chosen to honor and remember him – not like you could ever forget him, even for a moment! I’m so sorry about the loneliness, and the pain – and just the missing him. I know it’s constant, and heavy. It wears us down over time. Ugh. I love that song, by the way – but it can be hard to hear and listen to. Blessings to you…
If I can find a decent table top tree, it will go on deck with lights. Phil loved to sit at dining room table and see little tree thru back window.
Like all other special days, I’ll place a card by his clock urn, and because it’s Christmas, I’ll put one of the candles we used to put in windows, by his urn, too.
Other than that, it’ll just be my son and me. No tree, no other family. No special dinner. Getting his gifts this Thursday.
Phils one sister has lunch on the 26th, but I just can’t go. I can’t medicate just to get thru the visit, and watch them carry on like nothing is different. I know we all grieve differently, but they never give any signs of actually missing their brother/uncle. I just can’t deal with it.
Like the song says, all I want for Christmas is you(him). I just want him back, or to be with him where ever he is. It’s our third Christmas apart. I just don’t want to do this anymore.
Hi Barb. Thank you for sharing this. I love the traditions you’ve chosen to honor and remember him – not like you could ever forget him, even for a moment! I’m so sorry about the loneliness, and the pain – and just the missing him. I know it’s constant, and heavy. It wears us down over time. Ugh. I love that song, by the way – but it can be hard to hear and listen to. Blessings to you…