Christmas is wonderful. It can also be tough.

The air is filled with tinkling bells, holiday music, and seasonal fragrances. People are everywhere, holding hands, smiling, getting into the “Christmas spirit.” The world around us commands us to be happy and celebrate.

But what if we’ve lost someone? What if some tragedy has occurred? What if our hearts are broken?

When we’re missing someone, we tend to bump into them everywhere. Especially during the holidays.

Yes, Christmas can be tough.

 

“I Miss Everything!”

“What do I miss?” Stacey asked. “Everything! Everything reminds me of Craig.”

“It doesn’t matter where I go or what I do, he’s gone. On top of that, he loved Christmas. I see him everywhere this time of year. Grief hits me in the face over and over and over again,” she continued.

Reminders are everywhere. Decorations, holiday traditions, songs, places, fragrances, people – the list goes on and on. Anything can trigger a memory, especially around Christmas.

Wounds of the past can become the pain of the present in an instant.

 

Christmas: an emotional minefield

You’re walking through an emotional minefield every moment, not knowing where the next grief hit is going to come from. To say this is challenging is a gross understatement.

Holiday grief can be incredibly exhausting. But it also shouts how special your loved one was and is to you. She or he is everywhere. Of course. You loved them (and love them still!).

Walk carefully. Breathe deeply. One mine at a time.

 

Watch those expectations

Be sure to watch out for the minefield of unspoken expectations.

We all have expectations – of ourselves, of others, of the world, and of the holidays. They can be incredibly sneaky, and even add to our grief. Unmasking and identifying them is huge.

I’m not much on list-making, but I’ve found that writing down expectations can be incredibly freeing.
So grab your phone, laptop, or a sheet of paper and give it a try.

  • How do I anticipate these holidays will go?
  • What do I expect of myself in the next two weeks?
  • What do I expect of my family during this season?
  • What do I expect of others around me?

Be as thorough and as specific as you can.

 

What’s realistic and healthy for YOU these holidays?

Now, go back over your list of expectations and ask yourself these questions:

  • Is this expectation realistic and healthy for me given what I’m going through? (If not, mark through it and release yourself!)
  • Is what I’m expecting of others realistic and healthy given the current situation? Do they know I’m expecting this of them? (If not, mark through that one and release yourself!)
  • Do I WANT to do that? Do I WANT to do that with THEM?
  • What do I WANT to do, how, when, and with whom?

If you’re dealing with a loss, it’s like you’ve been hit by a truck. People hit by trucks don’t just jump up, smile, and carry on as usual simply because it’s Christmas.

So much of healthy grieving (and living) is about taking care of you. This honors your loved one, too. And ultimately taking care of you expresses love for all those you care about, for it trickles down to them too.

When you’re as healthy as you can be, everyone wins.

 

You can do this.

The holiday grief minefield is real. It’s tough, and unpredictable. But you can navigate it well.

  • Be nice to yourself.
  • Take care of you.
  • Let the memories come (you won’t be able to stop them anyway!).
  • Include your loved one in the holidays and honor them with your grief.
  • Be aware of those sneaky expectations. Unmask them. Evaluate them.
  • You get to choose what you do, how, when, and with whom.

Here’s a grief affirmation:

“Everything seems to remind me of you. I’ll learn to treasure each memory.”

Yes, reminders are everywhere. This can be difficult, but as you grieve you’ll find yourself treasuring the memories more and more.

This Christmas might be really different, but it can still be good.

 

Adapted from the Bestseller Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (USA Best Book Awards Finalist, National Indie Excellence Award Finalist).
[/div]

0 Shares

Get My Free Ebook

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Get My Free Ebook

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Get My Free Ebook

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Get My Free Good Grief Mini-Course

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for instructions for accessing your mini-course.

Download A Free Excerpt

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Free Excerpt

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Download A Free Excerpt

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Download A Free Excerpt

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Get My FreePDF:

8 Tips for Handling Grief and the Holidays

You will also receive Gary’s monthly newsletter and other updates. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Get My Free Ebook

GRIEF: 9 Things I Wish I Had Known

 

You will also be added to Gary's Insider Group allowing you to receive regular updates on healing from loss.

 

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Get My Free Ebook

GRIEF: 9 Things I Wish I Had Known

 

You will also be added to Gary's Insider Group allowing you to receive regular updates on healing from loss.

 

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.

Read a Free Excerpt

 

Enter your email in the form, and a free excerpt from Gary's Grief Walk book will be sent to your inbox. You will also be added to Gary's Insider Group allowing you to receive his weekly updates on healing from loss. You'll know what he's writing currently, get first glimpses of new books, and be presented with opportunities to make a difference for other grieving hearts.

Please check your inbox for an email from Gary.

Get My Free Ebook

GRIEF: 9 Things I Wish I Had Known

 

You will also be added to Gary's Insider Group allowing you to receive regular updates on healing from loss.

 

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Thank you! Check your email for a link to download your free ebook.