Sudden loss is shocking. Like a missile out of the blue, it can devastate our world in an instant.
It happened so quickly
“It happened so quickly. One minute he seemed fine, and the next he was gone. It was all so sudden,” Connie said through her tears.
Matt had been mowing the lawn. He came inside, sat down in his recliner and feel asleep.
He never woke up.
Connie’s eyes said she was still in shock. She couldn’t wrap her mind around what had happened, much less her heart.
The unique challenges of sudden loss
Sudden death, loss, and trauma come with unique challenges.
- You didn’t see it coming.
- It took you by surprise.
- There was no way you could prepare for it.
- There was no final, “I love you.”
- You didn’t get to say goodbye.
You feel unfinished. Stunned. Things were left unsaid and undone. You wonder “What if…” or “If only…”
Your heart is searching for solid rock in the midst of this free fall. What happened? Where did they go? How can this be? Why?
We want to say:
“You were just here. How could you be gone?”
Most of my losses have been sudden. Chances are, you’ve experienced an unexpected loss too. Be it sudden or anticipated, life is always gone in an instant. Trauma, abuse or other loss can obliterate our sense of security at a moment’s notice.
When life or security departs, the shock waves are immense.
There is no protection against this. When it hits, we are left to make sense of the rubble.
Be kind to yourself
You’ve been hit. Of course you’re stunned. Nothing is normal or routine right now.
Here are some things to remember:
- Be kind to yourself.
- Limit the expectations you place on yourself, or that others attempt to place on you.
- Healing and recovery take time. Grief is a process that will not be hurried.
- Look to your heart, and focus there. This is going to be a tough, unpredictable ride.
- You will make it.
It is possible to provide security against other ills, but as far as death is concerned, we men live in a city without walls. – Epicurus
Adapted from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (Amazon Bestseller, Finalist USA Best Book Awards, Finalist National Indie Excellence Book Award)
Photo Credit: ©photodune.net
