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[dropcap2 variation=”coffee”]W[/dropcap2]hen I was a young adult, I took a piece of art to be framed. I picked out one I liked and they worked up an estimate. I was shocked. The frame cost six times what the artwork did.
The frame is sometimes worth more than the picture it houses. That’s especially true of painful events in our past.
It was what it was
One of my hospice co-workers has a sign above her desk that reads, “It is what it is.”
Indeed.
Things were what they were. Growth comes when we choose to live in reality and deal with things as they were and are, not as we would wish them to be.
Past wounds are like haunting pieces of art. The image is what it is. Disturbing, frightening, or ugly – the picture doesn’t change.
The frame, however, can be changed at any time. What frame we choose (how we decide to think about that wound now) can make all the difference.
Wounds happen, even on Holy Week
Good Friday and Easter aren’t pleasant for everyone.
Maggie lost her husband this time last year. “Easter is about life, but to me it’s become synonymous with death,” she said.
Steven has similar feelings about Good Friday. “I was mocked, beaten, and locked in a closet as a kid. I felt so helpless. The crucifixion reminds me of that helpless terror.”
As a child, Samantha was ritually sexually abused – and the worst was around Halloween and Easter. “Honestly, I hate this time of year,” she shared.
These conversations reminded me of some important facts:
- People are hurting
- Soul wounds can occur anytime, anywhere.
- Evil doesn’t take holidays.
Constructing new frames
I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. During the acute phase of flashbacks, everything seemed painful, dark, and overwhelming. Grief was my constant companion.
As I began to heal, I changed the frame. The sexual abuse didn’t change, but how I thought about myself and life did:
- I chose survivor over victim.
- I began to be thankful for the evil that didn’t happen instead of focusing on the evil that did.
- I embraced struggles with anxiety and fear as part of the healing process.
- I chose to be honest about what happened rather than hiding and being tortured by shame.
- I found ways to serve and encourage other survivors.
- I exchanged surviving for overcoming.
This wasn’t easy. Healing is painful and messy. I tripped, fell, and failed time and again. Left to myself, it would’ve been a disaster. But good people showed up – solid friends, safe people, and a gifted counselor. Real healing is always a team effort. None of us can do it alone.
My team helped me begin to construct those new frames.
We get to choose
Anything can trigger memories and propel our past into the present. But we can be proactive. We can be ready.
When the trigger hits:
- Stop.
- Take a deep breath.
- What’s really happening here?
- What kind of frame do you want to put on it?
Yes, you get to choose. For example:
- “Oh, no – not again!” can become, “Interesting. How can I turn this around?”
- “This makes me angry!” can be transformed into, “How can I express my anger in a healthy way?”
- “I hate this time of year!” can become, “How can I make these days work for me?”
- “I hate feeling this way!” can morph into, “Ah, the old stuff is getting out of my system. What do I want to replace it with?”
A frame for the future
We all want the future to be a certain way. Then something happens that messes with our plan. We have to adjust our hopes and dreams – again.
How we frame the future fuels our today.
I invite you to join me and envision the future. The canvas is being painted before your eyes. Don’t focus on the picture, but on the frame. You get to choose what is written there.
Here are the words I choose to write:
- Healing
- Growth
- Love
- Service
- Difference-making
- No matter what
Yes, the frame is often worth more than the picture it houses. Choose well, my friend.
Question: What words will describe your future?
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As an artist I look at the painting as having more value than a frame. The frame can make or break a painting. The frame can enhance the painting or make it look bad. God has created us in His image. It is through Him that healing comes and enhances our inner being so the entire picture looks good. Yes, God works on the inner so that the outer reflects what is in the inner. The frame is the result of the work and healing that God has done. Always love your thoughts Gary. May God continue to bless you.
Wow, Joanne. Thank you for your perspective. Blessings!
As an artist I look at the painting as having more value than a frame. The frame can make or break a painting. The frame can enhance the painting or make it look bad. God has created us in His image. It is through Him that healing comes and enhances our inner being so the entire picture looks good. Yes, God works on the inner so that the outer reflects what is in the inner. The frame is the result of the work and healing that God has done. Always love your thoughts Gary. May God continue to bless you.
Wow, Joanne. Thank you for your perspective. Blessings!
Had a good conversation with a friend today regarding this sort of thing. We tend to focus on our loss in these situations, it is natural. We suffer the loss of time, innocence, loved ones, relationships….
But (and especially in Christ) we can instead be empowered to focus on everything we have gained instead! Wisdom, spiritual growth, strength, knowledge, experience, refinement, deeper relationship with God….and so much more. He has promised that ALL things work for the good of those who love Him. And good does not necessarily mean earthly goods and comfort, but rather things that are far richer and more valuable.
Hi Jennifer. Your words are full of wisdom. Thank you for sharing. Yes, if we can see it, we gain so much through pain, trial, and trouble. He is good. Always. All the time. No matter what. Thank you for reminding us of that!
Had a good conversation with a friend today regarding this sort of thing. We tend to focus on our loss in these situations, it is natural. We suffer the loss of time, innocence, loved ones, relationships….
But (and especially in Christ) we can instead be empowered to focus on everything we have gained instead! Wisdom, spiritual growth, strength, knowledge, experience, refinement, deeper relationship with God….and so much more. He has promised that ALL things work for the good of those who love Him. And good does not necessarily mean earthly goods and comfort, but rather things that are far richer and more valuable.
Hi Jennifer. Your words are full of wisdom. Thank you for sharing. Yes, if we can see it, we gain so much through pain, trial, and trouble. He is good. Always. All the time. No matter what. Thank you for reminding us of that!
Great advice for us all. We do not all have the same scars or pains, but we all do have the same choice of how we deal with our hurts. I love the frame analogy. Focus on the frame and not the picture.
Thanks Julie. Yes, we all have that choice of how to deal with what happens to and around us. It’s the initial reflex that often discourages me. But I’m learning that though I can’t control the reflexes, I do get to choose how to respond after that. I’m thankful for you!
Great advice for us all. We do not all have the same scars or pains, but we all do have the same choice of how we deal with our hurts. I love the frame analogy. Focus on the frame and not the picture.
Thanks Julie. Yes, we all have that choice of how to deal with what happens to and around us. It’s the initial reflex that often discourages me. But I’m learning that though I can’t control the reflexes, I do get to choose how to respond after that. I’m thankful for you!