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[dropcap2 variation=”coffee”]T[/dropcap2]wo decades had passed since my father’s sudden death. I was sitting in a counselor’s office, agitated, panicky. It was clear that I hadn’t really ever grieved my dad’s passing.
The counselor looked at me and asked, “So, do you feel responsible for your dad’s death?”
I snickered, and opened my mouth to say, “No!” but nothing came. I sat there in stunned silence.
I did feel responsible.
My mind raced back to a meeting with doctors in the hospital. They explained the situation to the family and then looked at my brother and myself. “We need your permission to turn off the machines,” they said.
I glanced sideways at my brother. He was a counselor, nearing 30. He looked down briefly, and nodded his head. I looked back around, and nodded my head. I was fifteen.
For twenty years, I felt I had ended my father’s life.
Some of us live with crushing guilt. We trudge around with this ball and chain, unaware. We feel responsible. It was our fault somehow.
Guilt is misplaced grief. Feeling responsible keeps us from feeling the full pain of the loss, but in the end only lengthens the process. We must let guilt go. We must release ourselves. If we don’t, Mr. Guilt will seriously mess with our holidays.
Grief must be felt if it’s going to be good grief – grief that heals.
GOOD GRIEF PRINCIPLE: Guilt is often misplaced grief. You can let go of guilt and feel the pain of your loss.
Begin the process of letting go of guilt. Subscribe to the Good Grief Mini-Course today. It’s free. Why wait? Subscribe now .
Discover how to handle guilt by being proactive in your holiday choices. Check out Surviving the Holidays without You now.
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