My heart is in such pain.

I feel like I’m in pieces.

I’ve never experienced anything like this.

Why does this hurt so much?

Loss hits our hearts. The pain of losing someone we love can be deep and debilitating.

We are designed for relationship. We come out of the womb screaming for connection. We attach. We are loved, and we learn to love in return. At first, we are dependent.

Over time, we become interdependent. At some point, you attached to your loved one. A special bond was created.

Your loved one was unique in human history. There has never been another person exactly like them, and there never will be again (even if they were a twin). The same is true of you.

This means that your relationship was also one-of-a-kind. Unique. Special. Priceless.

No one can truthfully say, “I know how you feel.” No, they don’t. They are not you. It wasn’t their loved one or their relationship.

Your grief is your own. It is an individual, solitary, and lonely journey.

You were designed for relationship and wired for connection. Separation is painful and can be devastating.

Your pain honors your loved one. When you hurt, you’re saying, “I love you.”

Affirmation: Losing someone I love is painful. I give myself permission to hurt and to grieve.

Suggestions:

Grief feels lonely because our loss is one-of-a-kind. When you’re hurting, here are some things to consider:

• Please know that the pain you’re experiencing is natural and common for those enduring a close, personal loss. Nothing strange is happening. Your heart has been hit and you’re feeling the weight of the blow.
• Do your best to accept yourself in the moment and give yourself permission to hurt. This is painful.
• Consider expressing your pain by talking out loud, writing it out in a journal, or sharing with someone you consider safe and trustworthy. Your pain is worthy of attention. You loved the one you lost – and you love them still. Giving yourself permission to hurt will be important in your grief process.

Excerpt from The Grief Guidebook: Common Questions, Compassionate Answers, Practical Suggestions.

I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief… (Psalm 6:6-7a)

Question: Have you been surprised by the pain of loss? Feel free to share by commenting below.