This can’t be real. It just can’t.
I can’t believe it. It doesn’t make any sense.
This is all wrong somehow.
How could this happen?
When we first hear the news of the death of someone we love, our hearts are stunned. Our minds freeze. Even our bodies can go into shock.
Perhaps we start spouting questions. What? Where? When? How? How is this possible? How could this happen to them?
Maybe we’re so stunned that nothing comes out of our mouths. We find ourselves wobbly and feeling for a place to sit down. Some of us might faint or become nauseated.
Even if death was expected, nothing could have prepared us for our friend or loved one’s final breath. Life always departs in an instant. Even though we knew it was coming, a sense of shock descends upon us.
We are relational creatures. We are interdependent and belong to each other. We get deeply connected. We love and are loved in return. When death invades and suddenly separates us from someone we care about, our hearts writhe in disbelief. Something about this feels wrong somehow. Our hearts scream, “No! How could this happen?”
We don’t want this to be real. We don’t want to believe it. Our minds can even reason, “If I don’t accept this, perhaps it won’t be real after all.”
Loss is shocking, even if we think we’re prepared for it. The death of someone we love is stunning and momentarily paralyzing.
Your heart might be railing against the loss you’re experiencing. This initial sense of shock can come and go over the months ahead. Let your heart ask the questions. Give yourself permission to be stunned.
Affirmation: Loss is shocking. I may have a sense of shock and disbelief about this loss in the months ahead.
Suggestions: When you’re experiencing shock and disbelief, please consider the following:
- Know that this is natural and common. Most grieving hearts go in and out of a sense of shock repeatedly in their grief journey.
- Give yourself permission to be where you are. Accept yourself as you are, in the moment, as best you can. Your heart has been hit. You’re stunned.
- Practice taking deep breaths when you can. This is more beneficial than you might think. We’ll talk more about the skill of deep breathing later. Moving in and out of shock is to be expected in the grief process.
Excerpt from The Grief Guidebook: Common Questions, Compassionate Answers, Practical Suggestions.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. (Psalm 42:11)
Question: Have you felt stunned or shocked since your loss? Feel free to share by commenting below.
