“Everyone wants me to feel better.”
I’ve felt that a lot. I’ll bet you have too.
It seems that loss and pain are unpopular in our world (even though everyone experiences them). We run from pain.
We get a variety of reactions. Some avoid us. Some try to fix us. Some dole out unsolicited advice. Some judge us.
Other love us as best they can, but they don’t know what to say or what to do.
Everyone wants us to feel better.
What do we do with that?
The following is an excerpt from Comfort for Grieving Hearts. I think you’ll be able to relate to the Grieving Heart is this chapter.
I hope you find this brief chapter comforting, encouraging, and helpful.
EVERYONE WANTS ME TO FEEL BETTER
FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:
I feel like a robot. I’m going through the motions. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Why can’t life just stop for a while?
This is unfair. Even cruel. Everyone expects me to go on as usual, as if I’m doing great and the same person I was before you left.
Ridiculous. I’m not the same. How could I be? If I just went on as before, what would that say about you and our relationship?
You’re important to me, whether you’re here or not. I love you. I miss you. Why can’t the world accept that? Why can’t my own friends and family accept that?
Everyone wants me to feel better. No one wants me to be hurting. But how realistic is that? Expecting me to be “fine” is like expecting a head-on collision to have no effect whatsoever on the cars or people involved.
People aren’t supposed to leave. Yes, we all die. Yes, I know that’s natural. But it’s all wrong somehow. You should be here.
I want you here.
Yes, this is ridiculous.
There is much about loss and grief which makes logical sense, but emotionally our hearts have trouble grappling with it. We’re wired for relationship and built for connection. Over time, our lives become a web of relationships.
When one strand is severed, our entire life-web reverberates with the shock.
One person leaves and our whole life shakes. Much like breaking a leg, we become instantly focused on the pain and its source. What once was simple, like walking, has become excruciatingly painful and almost impossible. Routine, everyday life immediately changes into a set of Mount Everest-like challenges.
The rest of the world seems unchanged. Others’ webs have not been struck, and their lives move along as usual. It feels like we’ve been transported to another planet and are being forced to live a different life trying to navigate unruly emotions and unrealistic expectations.
Ridiculous. Yes, that’s a good word for it.
Yes, there may be times we might feel like robots. We go through the motions, doing our best to stay functional. There is so much going on inside us, far more than we can understand, feel, or manage all at once. As much as possible, we take one moment, one step at a time. We let the grief be what it is. We try to accept ourselves as we are, in this moment.
Affirmation: I’ll work on accepting myself while grieving, one moment, one step at a time.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Excerpt from Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss
Comfort for Grieving Hearts has been revised and expanded into other books specifically for the loss of a spouse, a child, and a parent. You can check out the entire Comfort Series here.
Question: Since your loss, have you felt like everyone wants you to feel better? What’s that like for you? What have you found helpful in dealing with this? Feel free to comment below.
