I can’t believe this happened.
If this can happen, then anything can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime.
I find myself wondering, “Who’s next?”
Who else am I going to lose?
One loss usually leads to fear of another. For some, this terror is obvious in our words and actions. For others, our fear of more loss lurks within our hearts and minds.
After the death of someone we love, we look at life and people differently. Life has become unpredictable. The world might seem less safe, more dangerous. We look at the people around us. We naturally begin to wonder what else might happen and to whom.
We become cautious and protective. We find ourselves wanting to take everyone we love and lock them away in a vault somewhere. We start marshaling our energies to make sure that nothing else bad happens to us or to anyone we care about. Instead of saying, “See you soon,” we find ourselves admonishing them, “Be careful out there. Stay safe.”
Fear is extremely common in grief. Famed writer and scholar C. S. Lewis put it this way after the death of his wife: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
After a heavy loss, most of us worry about more. We worry about people, finances, adverse circumstances, and potential “what if’s.” We worry about ourselves and our ability to handle all this. We worry about the future.
Worry naturally leads to fear. Fear in turn fuels worry. Worry sparks more fear, which can morph into terror.
Breathe deeply for a moment. Breathe in through your nose and then out through your mouth. Again. Do this for about a minute.
Now ask yourself the following questions and see which ones resonate best with you:
- What do I find myself focusing on and worrying about?
- What frightens or scares me right now?
- What terrifies me?
Do what you can to process these thoughts. Think about it. Be honest and open with yourself about your fears. Share with someone you trust. Write about these fears in a journal. Work on expressing what’s inside you and get these lurking fears out into the open.
You’ve been hit hard. If you’ve been hit enough in life, it’s natural to wonder when the next blow is coming. “Who else am I going to lose?” is a common question bouncing inside grieving hearts.
Affirmation: Fear is often a part of grief. I’ll be honest with myself about my fears and work on expressing them in healthy ways.
Excerpt from The Grief Guidebook: Common Questions, Compassionate Answers, Practical Suggestions.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Question: Have you been concerned about more loss since the death of your loved one? Feel free to share by commenting below.
