“Why can’t people respect my grief?”

Have you ever thought or said this? I have. Many times, in fact.

Some people might have some sympathy for us.

Some might even be empathetic.

But surely, everyone should be able to respect our grief, right?

Sadly, everyone does not.

The following is an excerpt from my book, Please Be Patient, I’m Grieving. I wrote this book by request. The grieving hearts I was working with desperately wanted something that could help family, friends, and others understand a bit of what they were going through.

This chapter is called Respect Their Pain.

I hope you’ll find these words encouraging and helpful today.

Respect Their Pain

“The pain is deeper and more intense than I could have imagined. It rattles my soul.”

—Maggie

Loss is painful. It can be traumatic, even devastating. How we handle another’s heart is important, especially when they’re hurting. You can care for and support them by acknowledging and respecting their pain.

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART…

I’m hurting. Something traumatic has occurred. Someone I love is gone, and they’re not coming back.

I don’t know how to do this. It’s like I’ve been hit by a bus, and I’m lying flat in the middle of the road, watching the sky go by.

The world speeds on, oblivious to my loss. I watch but can’t seem to enter in. It’s as if someone pushed the pause button on my life. My world has suddenly changed, forever.

I’m stunned. I’m hurting. My heart is crushed. Grief can be heavy.

And yet, I can’t fully accept it somehow. This can’t be real.

I know this is confusing for you. It’s confusing for me also. You’re probably wondering what to say or what to do.

You can come sit beside me in the road, if you want. You don’t have to say much. In fact, you don’t have to say anything at all. Your presence is worth all the words in the world right now.

I probably won’t say much either. Don’t expect much out of me. I won’t be myself for a while. In fact, I may never be the same again. This is something we’ll both have to grapple with, but now isn’t the time for that.

Sometimes all I can do is lie here and breathe. I won’t be here forever, but it’s where I am today.

This is hard. It hurts.

I don’t know how to begin, so I’ll just stumble forward and hope my seemingly random thoughts and emotions will make some kind of sense to you.

Thanks for reading this. I know this is strange. It’s weird for me, too.

Please be patient with me. I’m grieving.

GRIEF HURTS

Losing a loved one is painful and traumatic. It can wound the soul and crush the heart.

We lose parents, siblings, relatives, friends, co-workers, and even children and grandchildren. We lose people to death, divorce, moves, disasters, or illness. We can lose them in an instant, or we can lose them over time.

Unfortunately, loss is a huge part of life. How we deal with it makes all the difference – both for ourselves and those around us.

Your grieving relative or friend is hurting. Their “normal” is gone. The disappearance of someone they love is affecting them deeply.

• Change has hit their heart and life. You may not feel or understand it, but their pain is very real.
• It really feels as if they’ve been hit by a bus. Life is no longer business as usual for them.
• They need people who will be with them through this. Grief is lonely, but no one should have to endure this spot in the road alone.
• Helping them may be different than you think. They need people who will hear their heart and meet them where they are. And where they are is different for every person.

They’re hurting. They’re supposed to be. Acknowledge and respect their pain. They’re getting hit over and over again. Venture out and sit beside them in the middle of the road. Your presence can be more comforting than you realize.

Grief hurts. It’s emotional. Grieving hearts experience many ups and downs. Riding this emotional roller-coaster can be challenging, frustrating, and exhausting. We’ll talk more about this and how you can help in the next chapter.

“You’re hurting. You should be. You lost someone you love. I will respect your pain.”

Question: Have you felt respected by those around you since your loss? What would it look like for someone to respect your grief? Feel free to respond by commenting below.