“I can’t even get grief right!”

Stacey felt like a failure. Her recent loss had taken a huge toll.

She felt like a child again. She felt vulnerable. She felt small.

She felt like she couldn’t do anything well or get anything right. Like she didn’t know anything anymore. Everything looked the same but everything was different. All the rules of life had suddenly changed.

Her heart, mind, health, spiritual life, and relationships were all in upheaval. Her future had become a blank cloud.

She felt like she was failing at everything, including grief.

“I can’t even get grief right!”

Have you ever felt this way?

I certainly have.

The stunning level of change that occurs after a close, heart-rending loss can be overwhelming. Everything seems to be in disarray. Our hearts and minds are shocked, shaking, and disheveled.  No wonder our external lives – our routines, responsibilities, and relationships – feel confusing and out of control.

We don’t feel like ourselves – at all. And there’s good reason for that. We’re not ourselves.

Who we were has been altered – and is being altered – by this painful loss. Life as we knew it is over. The old normal no longer exists.

We’re trying, but we feel like we can’t get anything right. On top of the excruciating pain, we feel like failures. We’re in uncharted, seemingly impossible territory. We can’t even get grief right.

My mind goes to Psalm 46:1-3:

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

We can feel like everything is falling apart. God is holding us together.

We can feel shattered, devastated, and even destroyed. God is an ever-present help in this time of trouble.

We can feel rejected, abandoned, and terribly alone. God is with us and closer than our own hearts.

We can feel terrified, anxious, sad, and depressed. God is our refuge.

We can feel small, vulnerable, weak, and even powerless. God is all-powerful. He offers to be our strength.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10)

Breathe.

Be still.

Know that He is God.

He has this. Even this. He has you. Even now. Right now.

He is present with you and never leaves.

Though all else be in upheaval, He is the Rock that never changes.

Breathe.

Be still.

Know that He is God.

“I can’t even get grief right.” Yes, that’s the way it feels.

The good news is we don’t have to get it right. What is right in grief anyway? We want things to be different so badly that we can become hard on ourselves and expect the impossible from ourselves.

We need a break. We need to breathe. This is bigger than us. We need a Rock. The Rock.

We need to breathe, be still, and know that He is God.

I’m praying for you now.

Until next time…

Question: Do you feel like a failure in grief – or in life? Please feel free to comment and share below. We’re in this together!