Grief is a form of stress.

Grief is an ongoing, intense form of stress. This grinding, relentless stress messes with us.

“Messes with…” is a common phrase where I live down in Texas. Perhaps it came from an anti-litter campaign decades ago called “Don’t Mess with Texas.”

Grief stress messes with us. It creates mess after mess after mess that we get to deal with.

Here are a few of the ways grief stress can mess with us:

Grief stress messes with our emotions.

When loss strikes, our emotions get involved quickly. Feelings start spilling out everywhere and all over everything. Our emotions can be intense, powerful, and even overwhelming.

Life suddenly becomes extremely emotional. Unknown to us, feelings begin to push logic aside. We begin to live by our emotions rather than by wisdom.

Feeling more out-of-control intensifies our desire to take control – of something, someone, somehow.

Grief stress messes with our minds.

Ongoing stress sucks our mental energy. We don’t know how to think about or process all this. We get confused. We’re in uncharted territory. We don’t feel equipped for this.

The mental impact in turn messes with our decision-making. We’re not thinking clearly. Our perspective is gone. Our hearts and minds have been shaken and rattled. We vacillate between unwise decisions and decision paralysis.

Grief stress messes with our bodies.

Ongoing stress attacks and eventually weakens our immune system. We get sick more often. Pre-existing conditions are often exacerbated. New pains, aches, and health concerns tend to pop up. It can feel like our bodies are falling apart under the strain of it all.

Grief stress is terribly exhausting.

Grief stress messes with our relationships.

Loss changes us. Because we are changing, our relationships are also changing. This feels like more loss and often leads to confusion, conflict, frustration, and anger.

Ongoing stress causes us to take things more personally. We can feel misunderstood, unseen, unheard, rejected, and even betrayed and abandoned.

Grief stress also tends to isolate us from others, causing us to feel alone and adrift.

Grief stress messes with our spiritual growth.

When things get this uncomfortable and painful, we naturally begin to judge ourselves, others, and even God. We judge God, His care, and His love for us based on what happened and what’s happening.

I’m reminded of a statement in a book I was read recently: “In this day, I will not judge, God, His work, myself, or others on the basis of feelings or circumstances.”

Yes, grief stress messes with us.

So, what do we do with it?

We process this stress as best we can. We “get the grief out” when we can, how we can, with whom we can.

We share with safe people who will walk alongside us in love and compassion.

We make the daily choice to be kind to ourselves and patient with ourselves. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

We remind ourselves that now is not forever and that things will change.

We remind ourselves that Jesus knows all about grief and suffering, that He is with us, and that He walks with us each and every moment.

We remind ourselves that feelings are not necessarily reality. Acknowledge the emotions. Process them. Let them pass on through.

We remind ourselves that God is our strength, our refuge, our fortress. We do not ultimately rely on ourselves or other people. We can choose to embrace the pain and suffering that comes as an opportunity to know Him better and walk with Him more fully. He is an expert at taking disaster and somehow using it for incredible good.

Is grief stress messing with you?

I’m sure it is. You’re human.

I would like to emphasize that all that I have written above is natural and common – and therefore normal – in the grief process. Grief stress messes with us and will mess with us.

We won’t be able to stop the grief stress from coming, but we can make changes in how we respond to it.

Is there a change you want to make today?

Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. You are not alone. You are not crazy. You will get through this.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

Question: Is grief stress messing with you? How so? Is there anything you would like to do differently? Feel free to share by commenting below.