For the last several weeks, we’ve been talking about things that steal our peace – peace of mind, peace of heart, and peace in our relationships. We introduced some Peace Thieves – 10 things most of us struggle with in grief and in life.
In case you didn’t get a chance to read them, here are the two articles where we covered this: Peace Thieves are on the Loose! and Are These Thieves Stealing Your Peace?
Last week, we began talking about Peace Friends – things that encourage and promote peace in our lives. In our last article, we talked about five Peace Friends: acceptance, gratitude, confession, forgiveness, and margin. These things can make a massive difference in our grief journey and in our lives and relationships.
You can read more about these five Peace Friends in this article: Is Peace of Mind Possible While Grieving?
Again, we’re not talking about a sense of calm or tranquility based on feelings, situations, or circumstances. We’re talking about something much greater and deeper. We’re talking about the peace all of us long for. Peace that remains. Peace beyond our emotions. Peace in the heat of battle. Peace even though. Peace in spite of. Peace no matter what.
Is this possible? Absolutely. But we need help. Lots and lots of help.
Here are five more Peace Friends that can make a huge difference in our grief journey and in our relationships.
Peace Friend #6: Humility
Humility has gone out of style in our world. Perhaps it never was in style or very popular. Interestingly, humble people are often peaceful people.
What is humility any way?
Humility is right-sizing ourselves. We tend to think either too much of ourselves or too little. In both cases, we tend to make things about us. Humility comes from knowing it’s not about us.
Ultimately, humility is agreeing with God. Agreeing with God about who He is and who we are. Humility is about aligning ourselves with God and His purposes for our lives.
The opposite of humility is pride, arrogance. Arrogance puts us in charge, seeks to control things and people, and makes sure nothing can dethrone the self as boss. Arrogance is a peace killer.
Humility seeks peace and pursues it.
Peace Friend #7: Silence and Solitude
Noise and Busy-ness were two of the notorious Peace Thieves we mentioned in earlier articles. If we’re going to cultivate peace of mind and heart, we’re going to need some quiet. We need silence and solitude.
The amount of silence and solitude we need is as individual as we are. Some of us need a lot. Some need a little.
The key is using the silence and solitude well – to plant seeds of peace. For me, this means taking some time to do nothing and just pay attention to what’s around me. To listen. I also need a lot of good inflow – Scripture, prayer, and some good books.
It’s not an accident that silence and solitude have been listed among the basic spiritual disciplines (disciplines necessary for spiritual growth and health). Jesus Himself practiced silence and solitude frequently. Ever notice how often in He pulled away from the crowds and His disciples to spend time alone with the Father?
Peace Friend #8: Prayer
When I think of prayer, I’m immediately reminded of these verses:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Then the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)
First, we have a command. Don’t be anxious about anything. Instead, pray about everything.
Then we have a promise. Peace. The peace of God. God’s peace. This is not a I’ll-find-a-way-to-achieve-this peace. It’s not a have-to-work-harder-and-do-better peace.
This peace – the peace of God – is a gift. It is the result of letting go and allowing God to be God. It’s about cultivating a close, intimate relationship with Jesus. It’s about learning to trust Him with fears, worries, and anxieties. Peace is a result of walking with Him.
Peace Friend #9: Peace-Giving Relationships
We need peaceful people in our lives – people who naturally exude peace. When we’re with them, our hearts begin to relax. Safe people.
We all have people who stir us up. People who prod, provoke, and trigger us. People who seem to spew stress into our lives like lighter fluid on a blazing fire. As much as possible, we need to limit our exposure to these folks. If we live or work with them, we at least need to find ways to guard our hearts when we’re with them.
We need peace-giving relationships. The best way to find and build these relationships is to be a person of peace ourselves. As we commit ourselves to a life of peace-no-matter-what, we begin to live above our pain, grief, and circumstances. Only God Himself can empower such a life.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:13)
Know anyone who exudes this kind of lasting, no-matter-what peace? Consider spending more time with them.
Peace Friend #10: Love and Service
Serving and loving others amid our own pain is part of healthy grieving. When we serve, we heal a little.
We suffer loss, but we do not let loss define us. We endure massive grief, but we do not allow grief to tell us who we are. Loss, pain, and grief may hijack us from time to time, but these are things are not our identity.
I’m reminded of Philippians 1:6: I am confident of this very thing – that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Please read that verse again. It says that God’s plan for you will not be thwarted. Once you trust Christ, He is committed to completing His work in you. He will use everything – I mean everything – for your good and for His purposes.
No, it does not always seem this way. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Will we judge reality by our feelings or based on what God has said?
We can always love. We can always serve. Nothing and no one can stop us. We can give. We can make a difference. We can turn pain into purpose.
Humility. Silence and solitude. Prayer. Peace-giving relationships. Love and service.
Consider your own life. Which of the above seems to be most difficult for you? Are there one or two that you say, “Yes! I need to pursue that!”?
Grieving hearts need peace. We need real peace, not a momentary sense of tranquility. We need peace we can count on. We need peace that stays.
I hope this discussion has been helpful and encouraging for you.
Be kind to yourself today. Be patient with yourself. Loss is painful. Grief is challenging.
Have a comment, question, or something to share? Please do so below.
