Throughout the month of June, we’ve been talking about things that steal our peace – peace of mind, peace of heart, and peace in our relationships.

First, we talked about 10 Peace Thieves – 10 things most of us struggle with that steal peace from us. You can read about these 10 Peace Thieves  (or refresh your memory)  in the following two articles:

Peace Thieves are on the Loose!

Are These Thieves Stealing Your Peace? 

Of course, underneath all this is the big question, “Is peace of mind and heart even possible while grieving?”

Yes.

How do I know?

I’ve experienced it. I continue to experience it.

Many others have experienced peace amid terrible pain and grief. And they continue to experience it.

In addition, we have the truth of God’s Word and Jesus’ promises:

Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27, emphasis mine)

I have said these things to you so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. Take heart. I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, emphasis mine)

We have said before that real peace cannot be based on circumstances or situations. That’s temporary tranquility or transient calmness. Peace, real peace, is something that is above and beyond what happens to us or around us.

We’re talking about peace-in-the-midst-of, peace-even-though, peace-in-spite-of, peace-no-matter-what.

We’ve talked about 10 things that steal our peace. It’s time to look at the other side of the peace coin and talk about 10 things that promote and protect peace – Peace Friends.

Ready? Here we go….

Peace Friend #1: Acceptance

Someone once said, “Acceptance is the key to each and every situation.” In order to heal, grow, and have this no-matter-what-peace, we must live in reality. Living in reality demands that we accept what is.

Notice I didn’t say we had to like what is. Not at all. But what is, well, is. We have to deal with what is. And we cannot deal with what is until we accept what is.

We also need to accept ourselves amid what is. We need to accept ourselves as we are, in the moment, from moment to moment.

Acceptance is not acquiescence. Acceptance is not apathy or embracing a victim mentality. Acceptance is not giving up. Acceptance is living in reality.

Acceptance of what is and who we are in the moment empowers us to take the next step, whatever that is. Otherwise, we start circling, and eventually we wind up stuck.

Acceptance makes peace possible.

Peace Friend #2: Gratitude

Our pain tempts us to draw inward. Grief’s grinding intensity can shift us into self-protect mode. Our view of the world, ourselves, and other people can darken. Negativity can begin to exert its influence.

Gratitude is the natural antidote to negativity. Being thankful. Looking for the good in our lives and giving thanks for it.

I often tell grieving hearts to cultivate gratitude while they’re hurting. Thank God for three things in the morning and then three things at night. Simple. Powerful.

By giving thanks, we’re sending a message to ourselves that we refuse to let this loss and pain define who we are. It will shape us, yes. If we let loss define us, however, we will be in danger of losing ourselves.

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul gives followers of Jesus an interesting command: “Give thanks in all things, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Notice he doesn’t say, “give thanks for everything” but rather “give thanks in all things.” In other words, give thanks no matter what.

This is not a suggestion. It’s a command. Why? Because it’s spiritually healthy for us. Because giving thanks promotes healing and protects wounded hearts. Because giving thanks in all things promotes peace-no-matter-what.

Gratitude is a friend of peace. Giving thanks makes peace a possibility.

Peace Friend #3: Confession

We are not perfect. We mess up – a lot. We hurt other people. We routinely reject God and opt to act as our own god. We are all guilty of sin and wrong-doing.

Guilt and shame are powerful. This dynamic duo can crush our hearts and sabotage our grief process and our lives.

The answer? Confession. Being honest. Owning up. Admitting what we’ve thought, done, and said.

In 1 John 1:9 it says, “If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

We agree with God that we’ve thought, said, and done things we shouldn’t have. We give these things to Him. We release them. We receive His forgiveness. If we confess the sin we know about, His promise is to not only forgive those sins, but to cleanse us from all sin (even sins we aren’t aware of).

Confession helps make peace possible. Without confession, there can be no peace. Without confession, guilt, shame, and denial will reign.

Peace Friend #4: Forgiveness

Other people aren’t perfect. They offend us. They hurt us. They wound our already broken hearts. Almost all of our wounds in life come from the words and actions of others.

Forgiveness is God’s prescription to healing from life’s wounds. If we choose to hold on to the offense, anger permeates the soil of our hearts and bitterness takes root. Unforgiveness harms only ourselves and leaks out onto all our relationships.

Forgiveness is not saying it didn’t matter. Forgiveness is saying it did matter and it hurt deeply. Forgiveness is not playing the victim, but rather refusing to accept the victim label. Forgiveness is not weakness. Forgiveness reveals internal strength of mind, heart, and character.

Forgiveness is an act of the will. We say, “I choose to forgive and to release this person. I will no longer allow what they said and did to overly influence or control my mind and life.”

Oh, and let’s be clear about this. Forgiveness and relationship are two different things. Forgiveness is a gift. Trust is earned.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)

Forgiveness guards our hearts. Forgiveness makes peace possible.

Peace Friend #5: Margin

One of the Peace Thieves we talked about earlier was Busy-ness. Margin helps combat this notorious peace-stealer.

Margin is space. Space and time. Space to think. Space to feel. Space to do nothing. Space to accept what is. Space to practice thanksgiving, confession, and forgiveness.

Our need for margin is universal. How much margin we need is individual. Some of us need a lot more margin than others, but we all need margin.

No margin. No peace.

Adequate margin creates room for peace to enter and to grow.

So, what do you think?

Yes, I know that’s only five Peace Friends. We’ll talk about the other five next week.

Until then, run your eyes over these first five Peace Friends again. Are there some that stick out to you more than others? What do you sense you need to do to make peace more of a possibility in your life?

Be patient with yourself. Saying no to Peace Thieves and yes to Peace Friends is a process – like developing a new habit. It takes awareness, intentionality, and effort. Stay with it. You’ll be glad you did.

Question: Which Peace Friend listed here seems most difficult for you? Why do you think that is? Please feel free to comment using the box below.