This month, we’ve been talking about the power of lies.
We began by unearthing some of the lies we believe about grief and the grief process. We tackled this in a Zoom session together. We also published an article called Is Grief Misinformation a Thing? Last week, I sent out a PDF entitled The Grief Misinformation Chart.
Misinformation (lies) about grief don’t serve us well. In fact, they can sabotage our grief process and our lives.
This week, we’ll be focusing on some other misinformation that’s out there. This misinformation resides in our own hearts: the lies we believe about ourselves.
Most of these lies go way back into childhood. Things happened, both good and bad. Things were done and said, while other things were not done and not said. We were impacted by all this. Our thought patterns, behaviors, and approach to life and people were molded and shaped.
Along the way, we all believed some lies.
These lies began as thoughts. They took up residence in our minds. Then they spread their influence to our bodies, and we began to live them out.
Let’s take myself as an example.
My childhood was, well, deeply dysfunctional. I was raised in an environment of anger, mixed messages, mental illness, and sexual abuse. I experienced multiple deaths by the time I was six. Simply put, things were crazy. However, everything looked pretty good on the outside, which made it all even more crazy-making.
I grew up isolated, lonely, and extremely shy. I was interested in other people but terrified of them at the same time. Conversely, I was given practically everything I wanted in terms of toys. Education and athletics were highly prized in my household, so I was given plenty of opportunities in those arenas.
Lies came knocking. As a child, my heart’s door was wide open.
Here are some of the lies I bought into and lived out:
If something bad or painful happens, it’s my fault.
I must find a way to control others and situations to keep bad things from happening.
If I’m good enough (perform well enough), I can make others love me.
I can’t have any real peace unless I’m perfect.
I’m alone and have to figure life out by myself.
I can do anything if I try hard enough.
I’m ultimately a worthless failure no matter how hard I try.
I’m damaged beyond repair.
Can you imagine the internal turmoil that came from all that?
Yuck.
What about you? What lies do you sense you have believed about yourself?
I’m working on another handout for you. Hopefully by next week, you’ll receive the Lies We Believe About Ourselves chart. Stay tuned.
Again, how do handle lies?
First, we have to unearth and expose them.
Second, we have to know what the truth is.
Third, we have to replace lies with the truth.
More on all this later…
You might be wondering, “What in the world does this have to do with grief?”
Lies we believe about ourselves have a massive impact on how we grieve. What we believe about ourselves will determine a lot of our grief journey.
If we want to grieve in healthy ways, heal, recover, and grow, we would be wise to look inside and deal with the insidious lies we find there.
Breathe…
Loss is painful. Grief is challenging. I’m glad we’re in this together.
Until next time…
Question: What lies about yourself are currently influencing your life? Feel free to share and comment below.
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)
I have just read your book shattered and it has been more helpful than anything so far, I need to correct my self. My faith has been what keeps me going each day and then your book has been extremely helpful. As I read it I recognized many abnormalities were actually normal in my day to day existence since I lost my son. Joey, my son, who turned 30 this year on Mother’s Day, accidentally fell from a bridge to the concrete below. He did not survive the fall. He had just left me 6 hours before this tragic accident, in such a great mood. He had asked me to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and we laughed and talked until it was time to go to his new place he had just rented. There is a long story about what happened. I have many answers but not all. I am not all right but trying to work through my grief and figure out how I can ever live with it since I know it will always be a part of my life and my love for my son. I will read your book over and over since it seems to give me some comfort along with my love for Jesus. I look forward to reading more of your books as well. Thank you so much.
PS My son fell from the bridge April 3, 2023 and he was 29. He turned 30 on Mother’s Day, May 14, 2023.
Hi Bonnie. Thanks so much for commenting and sharing. I’m so, so sorry about Joey. How awful indeed. I can’t imagine. I’m glad Shattered was a help, and continues to be so. I know that I have to read and hear things multiple times because different things sink in at different times in the healing process. I’m so glad you love Jesus. That’s everything. He is guiding you through this. He will comfort, sustain, and heal you, one moment, one day at a time. You’ll never be the same, of course, but God will certainly work in all this for your good and His glory. Praying for you now, Bonnie. Feel free to reach out any time.
I wasn’t good enough. Weighed to much. Hair to short. You can’t do that. I always felt less. Call my ex wife for recipe.
Hi Mary. Thanks for commenting and sharing. Ugh. It’s amazing what others will say to us – and what we’ll tell ourselves. Praying for you – for victory over these lies. Blessings….
Shame and judgements.
Hi Trudy. Thanks for sharing. You are not alone with those two. Praying for you now…
I am damaged goods.
If I am perfect, others will love me.
Hi Debbie. Thanks for commenting and sharing. I appreciate your honesty. I can relate to both of these. Yuck. Praying for you now…
How can I access the PDF for The Grief Misinformation Chart.
Hi Kim. I’ll email it to you. Thanks for letting me know, and sorry for the delay! Blessings…
This really hit home, thank you for this topic.
You’re welcome, Tammy. Blessings to you…
You are not as valuable as other as other people. Your worth comes as you serve and meet other people’s needs.
Hi Mary. Thanks for sharing. I can relate to what you’ve written here. I’m sure many others can as well. Thank you!