Recently, we had another Virtual Hangout via Zoom. Our topic was When Someone Offends You.
I received such good response from this session that I decided to share with everyone some of what we covered.
First of all, we’re all going be offended. Jesus told us, “Offenses (stumbling blocks) will certainly come…” (Luke 17:1).
Offenses can cause us to stumble. They can trip us, capture us, distract us, influence us, and even control us.
When offended and hurt, we can temporarily lose sight of God, God’s goodness, ourselves, other people, opportunities, and blessings. Offenses can hijack our minds, hearts, and even our lives.
Ugh. As grieving hearts, we don’t need this.
We can’t stop offenses from coming, but once we’re offended, what do we do?
Here are five tips to help us navigate this all-too-common challenge…
1. The Goal: Overcome Offenses with Love
Instead of getting sucked into a downward spiral started by someone else’s words or actions, we can choose to protect our own hearts.
Check out what Peter says in 1 Peter 3:9: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
Rather than being overcome by the offense, find a way to bless the other person instead. Pray for them. Perhaps say something that might benefit them.
Blessing them puts you in the driver’s seat and moves you from victim to victor.
2. Let it go. Forgive.
The apostle Paul tells us, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
Rather than responding back in anger or frustration, we can love and bless others simply by letting the offense go. We can choose to forgive – and to forgive quickly. This helps protect our already wounded hearts.
Letting it go and forgiving puts you in the driver’s seat and moves you from victim to victor (yes, I’m repeating myself again).
3. When necessary, speak.
If you want to respond, try doing so with a question: “Could you tell me more?” or “What do you mean by that?”
Asking people to clarify what they said can often help them realize what they actually said.
You might simply say, “Thank you for your concern. It’s just really hard.” Or perhaps “I’m taking it one day at a time.” Or maybe just “God bless you.”
Find ways to love and bless them. Again, this puts you in the driver’s seat and helps guard your grieving heart from damage.
As Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” (Matthew 5:43-44).
4. Practice Various Scenarios
Think about some interactions in the past where you’ve been offended. Run them through your mind. Imagine what it might be like, in that interaction, to overcome the offense with love. Imagine blessing them by letting it go and forgiving. How might you bless them by speaking (when necessary)?
Practicing such scenarios will help prepare you for the next uncomfortable situation you encounter.
Also, consider taking some time immediately after an offense to evaluate the interaction. Is there anything you would do differently next time?
5. Acknowledge the hurt and the pain.
Offenses hurt. Words cut deep. The pain and sense of rejection can pummel our already bruised and vulnerable hearts.
Acknowledge the hurt but don’t let it control you. Acknowledge the pain and then release it to God. Forgive and forgive again.
Forgiveness is not an emotion. It is a choice – an act of the will. Forgiveness is not the same as trust – nor is it the same as engaging in relationship. We don’t need the offender’s permission to forgive. We can forgive anytime, anywhere.
Forgiveness helps guard our hearts.
The world is a tough place. It’s not typically kind to grieving hearts. But there are lots of kind people out there.
Glad to be in this with you. Guard and protect your heart today.
Question: Which one of these 5 tips resonates most with you? Feel free to share by commenting below.
