Many things can sabotage a grieving heart.
Today, I would like to mention just one of them.
Expectations.
We all have expectations. They tend to be unspoken. They fly under our radar. They’re sneaky. Often, we’re unaware they even exist.
We have expectations of ourselves. We have expectations of others. Others have expectations of us.
Expectations can sabotage a grieving heart and set us up for more disappointment, pain, and grief.
For now, let’s focus on the expectations we have of ourselves. One way we can be kind to ourselves that is to begin to unmask and evaluate our self-expectations.
Here are some of the self-expectations grieving hearts may have, without even being aware of it. See if you can relate.
We expect ourselves to…
- “Get through” this time of grief with relatively little upset.
- “Conquer” grief somehow by doing the right things in the right way.
- Do what we did before our loss with the same amount of purpose and energy.
- Be “strong” for others around us.
- Function in life and relationships just like we did before.
- Know what to do even though our world has completely changed.
- “Hold it together” all the time, or at least when we’re in public.
You get the idea.
Breathe deeply for a moment.
Now ask yourself, “What expectations do I have of myself at present?” Try to identify them. Be specific.
Then ask yourself, “Are these expectations realistic for someone going through what I’m going through?” Think about who and what you’ve lost. Take stock of your life situation. Be honest with yourself.
If you want to go further, ask yourself, “What would I tell someone else going through this loss?”
It’s been said that expectations are an invitation to disappointment. We’re already exhausted and hurting badly. Unrealistic expectations only drag us down further and drain more energy from our nearly-empty tank.
Be kind to yourself. Unearth your self-expectations and take a good look at them.
Do you need to adjust your expectations of yourself?
What would that look like?
This is especially relevant because the holidays are coming. Holidays often come with a boatload of expectations. More on this later.
Thanks for reading today. Thank you for your support and encouragement as I seek to provide quality support and resources. I’m honored to be in this with you.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the spring from which all your life flows.” – Proverbs 4:23
Question: Do you sense you need to adjust some of your self-expectations? Feel free to comment and share.
