Sometimes the best help comes from places we least expect it.
A number of years ago, I was struggling with a terrible loss in my life. The pain, anxiety, and confusion were nearly debilitating.
Every day, I rolled out of bed and headed out to visit those who were dying. As a hospice chaplain, I entered my patients’ and their families’ worlds and walked with them through this uncharted territory.
For this kind of work, you want to have a full tank. Mine was almost empty.
One day, I was visiting Steve (not his real name), an ALS patient in his late 40’s. Steve could still talk, but all he could move below his neck was one finger on his left hand.
As I was listening to Steve that day, he suddenly stopped talking and gazed into my eyes.
“Gary, are you okay? Is something troubling you?”
I blinked, pursed my lips, and sighed.
“I’m sorry, Steve. Yes, I’m worried – about a lot of things,” I said.
I’ll never forget Steve’s reply.
“Dude, worry is bad stuff. It will eat your mind.”
After our visit, I went out and sat in my car for about half and hour. I talked out loud about every worry, fear, and concern I could think of. I released them as best I could, one by one.
Along the grief journey, we wonder about a lot. Wonder often leads to worry. Worry morphs into fear. Fear produces anxiety. Anxiety fuels more fear, worry, and wondering.
It’s a vicious, never-ending cycle.
Steve was right. Worry is bad stuff. It will eat our minds.
Do you struggle with worry? Has fear been a part of your grief journey? Has anxiety invaded your life?
If so, how have you dealt with these things? What have you found to be helpful?
If you feel stuck, what do you wish you could do? What do you think might help?
If you’re scared, worried, or anxious today, please know that these things are extremely common in grief. Your heart has been hit. Your life has been upended.
Identify what you’re concerned about. Unmask those worries and fears. Release them as best you can. When they knocking again, call them out and release them again.
Take good care of you today. You’re more important than you know.
Question: What do you think about the questions above? Do any of them resonate with you? Feel free to leave a comment below.
Your interview with Tara was the best talk on grief I have ever heard.
Thank you, Terry. Blessings to you…
I rea;;y enjoyed your talk with Tara Nah about Conscious Grief.
Thank you for all you do to help others Gary.
Hi Catherine. Glad you found the interview helpful. And thank you for your encouragement. I’m glad we get to do this together…
Let’s say “worries and fears” are at an all time high for me. After losing my husband in Dec of 2018 and getting further along in my grief process, I have found the past year to be full of challenges, mostly related to my own health issues and the unbelievable health care system. I have had tests scheduled that the doctor didn’t submit the correct info, and had to be rescheduled (after I had already showed up for my test). I have had diagnosis that are quite worrisome and he can’t see me until September or October. I have had prescriptions prescribed that are not even the correct one for my condition and I only found out by questioning the pharmacist. I just want to run the other way when I need to go to the doctor. It is actually quite scary. And makes me very anxious.
Hi Carol. Good to hear from you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Ugh. You are not alone. I know others with similar stories. Confusing, frustrating, and yes, anxiety-producing. I can only imagine how nervous and frustrated you must be about all this. Do you have anyone where you are who might have some wisdom about all this? Certainly sounds like some changes need to be made, somehow. You’re not getting what you need. At least, that what I hear. is there anyway I can help? If so, please let me know. Praying for you now, Carol.
I loss my mom, brother and older sister and a few friends. Im just lost in this world. Have no sense of direction and Im dealing with an addiction. Want help but don’t want to be around a lot if people because of my bipolar.
Hi Virginia. Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. I’m so, so sorry about all these losses. It certainly sounds like your in a challenging situation that is pretty isolating. Do you have anyone you can share freely with, without fear of judgment. We all need safe people in our lives, and hopefully you have at least one. Please be kind to yourself, Virginia. There are some great people out there who want to walk with you through this…