When someone dies, how we say goodbye matters.
This past week was the anniversary of my dad’s death. Looking back, I’m grateful I had a chance to say goodbye. I was 15 years old at the time.
My dad dropped in front of me of a heart attack one Sunday afternoon. He never regained consciousness. He was on life-support for a week before he died.
He was my one functional parent. He was my rock. When he took his last breath, my life changed forever.
Though it was a traumatic time, I was thankful to get to see him twice a day. I got to hold his hand, look into his face, and say whatever I wanted and needed to say.
Twenty years later, I began having panic attacks. Turns out these anxiety bursts were a result of feeling responsible for my dad’s death. After all, I was a trained lifeguard and didn’t even think about doing CPR. When they asked for permission to turn off the machines, I nodded.
So, I got to go back and say goodbye all over again. I pictured myself back in that hospital room. I asked for forgiveness. I expressed my regrets. I told him for the millionth time (so it seemed) that I loved him. I thanked him for all he did for me.
This past week, on his death anniversary, I said goodbye again. The memories cascaded down upon me. Gratitude swelled in my heart.
Saying goodbye isn’t a once-and-done thing. We say goodbye in many ways, over and over again.
Did you get a chance to say goodbye to your loved one? What was that like?
Have you found yourself saying goodbye again and again?
Feel free to leave a comment and share your answers to any of the above questions.
Thanks for reading this. I’m honored to be with you on this journey.
Take good care of yourself today. We need you.
P.S. My first book was actually called Saying Goodbye, co-authored with New York Times Bestselling Author Cecil Murphey. I’ll be having a massive sale on this warm, practical, illustrated gift book soon. Stay tuned.
Hello-
My husband died in our home February 1,2021. I was his caregiver as he suffered from atypical Parkinson’s, dementia and MSA. It was a hard road for us both. I’m thankful he could die at home; he didn’t want to go into a care facility. But that’s all I am thankful for… why did he have to suffer? The dementia was the cherry on top. I’m so sad, angry , full of regrets. I talk to him and God. Our 40th anniversary is in June. I care for our sweet daughter, who has special needs, so I need to be strong for her… like get out of bed, make meals, etc.
I’d just lay in bed all day and grieve for him if I could. I miss him.
Which of your books would be best for me? Have you heard of GriefShare & do you recommend it?
Thanks for listening.
Laurie
Hi Laurie. Oh my. I’m so sorry. First of all, thank you for your labor of love – your caregiving. Amazing. It’s a draining, 24/7 job that is never, ever done. And thank you for your honesty. In terms of books, I would recommend either Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart or Widowed Walk. Widowed Walk is a grief devotional, if that helps. And yes, I am very familiar with GriefShare. Excellent program. It’s not for everyone, of course, but most people benefit greatly from it. Please be kind to yourself, Laurie. And please feel free to reach out here anytime. Blessings to you…
Hi Laurie. Oh my. I’m so sorry. First of all, thank you for your labor of love – your caregiving. Amazing. It’s a draining, 24/7 job that is never, ever done. And thank you for your honesty. In terms of books, I would recommend either Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart or Widowed Walk. Widowed Walk is a grief devotional, if that helps. And yes, I am very familiar with GriefShare. Excellent program. It’s not for everyone, of course, but most people benefit greatly from it. Please be kind to yourself, Laurie. And please feel free to reach out here anytime. Blessings to you. Praying for you now…
Hi Gary. I just wanted to thank you for your words of validation in your book, Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart. I lost my husband, best friend, biggest supporter, love of my life just over 2 weeks ago. Not sure if it feels like 2 week or 2 years. A friend sent me your book. I’ve reviewed on Amazon.ca and Goodreads. As an author myself, I will say that it is the sanctity of writing that is keeping me going, getting my words of pain and disbelief on paper helps. And certainly sharing our stories of grief offers a feeling of oneness for the many of us who have walked in the heavy shoes of grief. Thank you.
Hi Debby. It’s a pleasure to meet a fellow writer. Thanks for sharing with me. I’m so sorry about your husband. And so recent too. That loss really does change everything. Please be patient with yourself in all this, and please reach out anytime. And thank you so much for reviewing the book, and for your kind words. Your encouragement means a lot to me. Thank you. Blessings to you…
I first began reading your series in January when my fiancée suddenly passed away after being in the hospital for over 11 days and seemed to be showing signs of improvement. A co-worker of mine left on my desk when I was on a bereavement leave”Comfort for grieving hearts” I read it cover to cover and felt every word. When I finished it, I purchased ” Comfort a grieving spouse”. Although due to this tragedy our wedding did not happen, we were spouses in every sense in our lives and in our hearts. Grief is not my friend. He passed away at the hospital in which I work and our home was our home together. Panic attacks have become the new normal for me. I spend everyday at cemetary trying to find comfort and purpose. Every dream we had was “our dreams” not my dreams. He was my soulmate and my best friend. I lost my dad 2 years prior to this. Although I am having trouble coming to terms with the reality and loss of these two significant individuals from my life, I will always be grateful to the friend who introduced me to your series. Reading your books reminds me that everything I am experiencing is normal. Thank you for writing the series.
Hi Natalie. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry about your fiancee. Ugh. How tragic and shattering that must have been – and still is for you. I’m thankful for your friend. God seems to provide what we need, when we need it. You’re right. You were connected, deeply, intimately. Panic attacks are so frustrating – and so common in grief. I’m so sorry. And your dad too. Those are 2 massive losses. Please keep being kind to yourself. And thank you for taking the time to share with me and for your kind words. I’m grateful. Please feel free to reach out anytime…
Hello Gary
I just purchased your book Widowed Walk. I have read the cover and the comments about your book that made me want to read it.
I’m having a hard time staying focused on anything. I lost the love of my life, best friend, father to our wonderful children, on January 3, 2021
After a long journey through His cancer diagnosis and transplant, he still lost his life. I’m still angry at God, and I know this is wrong. I still pray each day.
I am trying to be strong, my children are on this walk with me. We all miss him. We were all there when he took his last breath.
It is hard for me to share my feelings. I just feel lost. I feel like I’m outside my body watching as the world still moves on and mine stands still.
I’m going to try to focus long enough to read your book.
Hi Sara. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your husband. What a massive, terrible, life-altering loss. No wonder you’re feeling as you are. Indeed, how could you feel any differently right now. I know it’s been a few months, but this huge loss is still very, very recent. The things you’re describing are extremely common at this point. Please take your time. One step at a time. One say at a time. Sara, do you have any trustworthy, safe people people you can connect with and talk to? We all need that. Please feel free to reach out anytime. Praying for you now…
I lost my husband of over 40 years on April 30, 2020. I was lucky to have a few moments with him near the end of his life. I told him how much I loved him over and over. Because he was on heavy oxygen, he was barely able to speak. What I am struggling with is he looked at me with such meanness in his eyes. He had to spend some time in a nursing home and hated being there. It broke my heart for him to be there and I saw his angry eyes saying “this is all your fault.” I finally think I heard him say in a tiny whisper that he loved me too. He was angry with me and that’s what I had left to go on. He passed 3 hours later. For the rest of my life I pray that what he whispered is truly what I heard.
Hi Cheryl. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry about your husband. I’m so glad you got those moments with him. And yes, I would take what you heard and put it in your heart bank – “I love you too.” Hear it over and over. You know you loved him. And you still do. Love endures. Please be kind to yourself in all this, Cheryl. And please feel free to make contact anytime. Peace to you today.