Grief is a more like a marathon than a sprint. The process is arduous, painful, and exhausting.
Those of us who are grieving know this all too well.
When we lose someone special, our worlds are altered forever. We bump into more loss and change almost every day.
Today’s brief post, taken from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse, deals with the importance of pacing ourselves on this exhausting grief journey. No matter what your loss, I think you’ll be able to relate.
Grief is ongoing.
“I’m glad that’s done,” Rebecca sighed as she climbed into the car. “The service was wonderful. It honored Rick in every way.”
Rebecca sighed again before continuing. “The funeral is over, but the loss isn’t. The grief is just beginning.”
Rebecca was right. The loss is permanent. Rick cannot be replaced. He occupied a unique space on the planet and in Rebecca’s heart.
The memorial service may be over, but your grief isn’t. Not by a long shot. And everything counts: memorial services, anniversaries, and birthdays; candles lit, letters written, and balloons released; memories shared, photos posted, and stories composed. These add up, and help heal your heart over time.
This isn’t a sprint, but a marathon. Pace yourself. Take your heart seriously. Breathe.
“Grief is a marathon. I’ll remember you, and pace myself well.”
Grief has its own timetable.
It’s different for each person.
Grief will not be rushed.
Adapted from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse. Watch the brief book video here.
Question: Have you found the above to be true in your grief process? How are you pacing yourself at present?
Additional Resources:
Looking Ahead: Some Grief Resolutions for 2021 – garyroe.com
When Grief Makes Us Sick – garyroe.com
Principle #4 for Navigating Uncertainty: Pursue Personal Wellness – Gary Roe YouTube
This is excellent and i tank you Gary!?I want to and elwill buy all the books you write and some you recommend . I am not pacing myself well .. it’s awlways been a challenge fit me and my ADD and CFS and overlay of ocd. Grief freezes me and I freeze and hide. I hats not what I want , I like it everything countsonebone of my best friend died and I lost contact eith her whole family , on the sams day another treasyluredvrile model died . I finally write her grandson who is incarcerated , last night , now to givenuonprerfection and mail it , I love you Gary for , my sister Mary Ruth got me connected eelwitg you, it 3 am I need to go back to sleep so grateful this was still available for me to read . Ylthsnk you I am so grateful to yltoy . When I wake again I will take one thought from mm this and ficus in it for feb 2 w 2922
Thanks for writing and sharing this. I can relate. I don’t pace myself well either – or at least, I didn’t. I’m getting better, ironically because of losses and grief. Grief has taught me to slow down and get off my treadmill. And when we have extras going on like you mentioned, pacing ourselves can be even more difficult. It almost has to become our priority. Please be kind to yourself in all this. One day, one step at a time. And thanks for your encouragement! Blessings…
Yes, Gary, your writing is always right on target and very compassionate.
Hi Naomi. Thank you for commenting. And thank you for these kind words. I appreciate it. Be kind to yourself today.
When grief makes is sick. How do we prevent that. I get headaches, muscle pain, sick to my stomach, not wanting to eat and sleeping restless. I feel like someone just beat me up or kicked me in the stomach. What do I do?
Hi Laura. Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If we get checked out medically and nothing serious is going on, the best thing is to focus on just moving through our grief in healthy ways. Make self-care a priority – nutrition, hydration, exercise, rest, and healthy relationships. As we focus on grieving well, usually our health will rebound over time. Right now, we’re in the midst of an exhausting marathon – and we will feel that physically. We need to allow for this and make adjustments according somehow. Please be kind to yourself and patient with yourself in all this. And please feel free to reach out anytime.
Hi Gary. It is a very hard process. Any little thing can be a trigger. I appreciate your books. They really hit every emotion I have had. I lost my husband 9 months ago. My Aunt lost her husband last week and a friend’s 21 yr old nephew killed himself. I ordered 6 of your books and sent them. You have helped me to know I’m not crazy. Thank you
I’m so, so sorry about these new losses. They just keep coming sometimes, don’t they? You’re right. Anything can be a trigger, anytime, anywhere. These huge losses so close together will even multiply the triggers you experience. Please breathe deeply and focus on grieving in healthy ways. As you do that, over time the grief will change. You will adjust, recover, heal, and grow, even through right now that might seem impossible. You’re right – you are NOT crazy. Keep being kind to yourself…