Recently, I did a Zoom Session for subscribers where I shared some Grief Resolutions for 2021. The response was so positive, I thought I would share them here.
Resolutions, Affirmations, Truths.
Frankly, I’m not a big fan or resolutions. I prefer to call the following “affirmations.” These are things that are true and healthy for grieving hearts. As we embrace these truths and begin to live them, our hearts heal, adjust, recover, and grow.
There are some hard truths below, but they are true nonetheless. Take your time, Read on.
I will give myself permission (time and space) to grieve.
It’s okay to hurt. Our hearts have been hit. We must give ourselves permission to grieve, because the world around us may not.
I will be honest about what’s happening inside me and express my grief in healthy ways.
Our grief will be expressed, one way or another. As we commit process and express our grief in healthy ways, we can heal, adjust, recover, and grow over time.
I will take good care of myself, knowing that the best gift I can give myself and others is the healthiest me possible.
Self-care often gets neglected when we’re stressed. Now is the time, however, to pursue personal wellness like never before. The helps us grieve well and honors those we’ve lost.
I will give others permission to not understand or support me the way I would like.
Let’s be honest. No matter what we do, many will not understand. Some people will disappoint us. We protect our own hearts when we release them from whatever expectations we had. It’s helpful to remember others’ responses are more about them than about us and our loss.
I will release offenses and forgive quickly so that my heart is not overly influenced by others’ words and actions.
Forgiveness is not for the other person. It’s for us and our hearts. If we refuse to release the offenses of others, we only give their words and actions more power over our lives.
I will guard my heart from people and influences that are not helpful to me.
Your heart is who you are. It deserves to be nurtured and protected. Not everyone or everything is helpful to us.
I will find safe people who will walk with me on this challenging journey.
We need good companions for this arduous, painful journey. We need people who will enter our world, accept us as we are, and listen well.
I will find ways to serve others and use my grief as fuel for good.
Part of healthy grieving is getting out of our own heads and serving others. If we’re willing, loss can teach us to be more compassionate and loving. When we serve others, we heal a little, thought we might not feel it at the moment.
I will cultivate peace of mind and heart and be a peace-giver to others.
We all need peace of mind and heart. When we commit to peace-promoting, our own hearts stretch, heal, and grow in the process. Even while grieving, we can make a massive, meaningful difference in the world around us. You are more important than you know.
2021: Choosing to Love, Serve, Heal, and Grow
What will 2021 bring? We have no idea. No matter what, we can choose to grieve in healthy ways that honor our own hearts and our loved one. We can choose to love, serve, heal, and grow.
We can choose to be some of the Difference Makers this world so desperately needs.
Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Take good care of yourself. We need you.
Which of these Grief Resolutions resonated with you? Take a moment and share via a comment or email.
I will find ways to serve others and use my grief as fuel for good. My mother in laws passing hit me much harder than my own mom’s. The last visit with my mother in laws was outside and we had an iron gate between us. I wasn’t allowed to hug or even touch her as I was accustomed to. I work in a long term care nursing home facility. I now make a point to pat the shoulders, backs and hands of the residents knowing it could be their last physical touch of someone who really cares.
Hi Juliet. Thanks for commenting and sharing. I’m so sorry about your mom and your mother-in-law. Yes, this isolation COVID era we’ve been in has been SO difficult for those of us who are grieving. Ugh. And yet, you are taking that experience, learning from it, and using it for good. Way to go! Excellent! Over time, that will bring healing to your own heart, as I’m sure you’re already experiencing. Blessings to you today, Juliet.
All of these are very good affirmations. It has been 9 months and I am struggling. I know it is time to move forward. I seem to want to shut the door and be alone but I am trying to figure out some way to help others. Just haven’t figured it out yet.
Hi Dawn. Thanks for sharing this. You are certainly not alone. I’m sure that doors will open for you for serving others at just the right time. Thank you for wanting to help others, even when reaching out seems so hard. Life is painful right now. So much grief out there. We need people who are willing to be compassionate and loving – people like you. If I can help in any way, please let me know.
I’ve lost 6 safe people in less than a year- they all passed away. I have 2 left and one is moving 3 hours away sometime this year. I can’t help myself. Covid makes helping others nearly impossible, but I just don’t feel like I’m in a place to help anyone. I’m not rushing myself to feel anything but what I’m feeling. I wasn’t allowed to “wear my heart on my sleeve” growing up, so I’m not holding back now. It’s cost me, but I don’t care. My childhood wasn’t “sprinkled” with exemplified forgiveness, either, so the people that say unwanted things to me- I politely tell them to be thankful they don’t understand, and usually never hear from them again. I’m not sure what being “peace promoting” means at this point. The world is uglier than I’ve ever experienced. The rage is out of control and “truth telling” is mocked. So I just keep mostly to myself and talk to my surviving cat. Lost my precious baby girl cat on Jan 5. 2021 was supposed to be better . Next up is one of my best friends passing. She’s on hospice now.
Barb, I’m so sorry. The losses just keep piling up for you. And safe people, too. Ugh. And yes, the world isn’t helping our anxiety and grief levels right now. I’m hoping more safe people will show up in your life. I’m praying for that. Please keep being kind to yourself.
Gary I liked each one of these resolutions! I’d like to make them into a card i could place in my Bible to read every day! The resolution that stopped me in my tracks and convicted me was about forgiveness. I’ve been deeply hurt by a life long friend. In fact, she is the reason I met my now deceased husband. We’d been friends since I was 7 years old. Two months after my husband’s death she abruptly ended our friendship, saying we are no longer the same people. Over the years almost 7 now I begged her by mail,text,email,through her family to please come back into my life. I received not one word until this year in October. By text she said paraphrasing she missed me!! We had a brief back and forth in which she again abruptly left me! I loved her! Right behind my husband and children was this friend. My heart is grieving 2 people! One who without choice died an early death. One who chose to leave when I needed her most. I might add. Prior to her contacting me I had let her die.
Thank you for commenting and sharing this. I’m so sorry – about your husband, and about this friend. What different and yet traumatic losses. Please be kind to yourself in all this. And you’re right – forgiveness is the key. It can be so hard, but it’s always good. If I can ever help in any way, please let me know. Blessings to you…
To serve others well and you will honor your loved one and take care of yourself for your loved one that is no longer with you.
Hi Laura. Thank you for commenting. Take good care of yourself today. And thank you for willingness to serve others, even while hurting. That’s huge!
Hi Gary, how do I handle a daughter in law that still has not forgotten past hurts that were caused by my husband who is now passed Way. She said she might not ever forgive. She was very upset at the funeral which really hurt.
Hi Laura. So sorry for the delay in getting back you. Honestly, there’s not much you can do except pray for her and support her as you can. Accepting her where she is at present is important. As you walk with her in her grief, hopefully over time her heart will soften. Forgiveness is not for the other person – but really for us. We end up hurting ourselves by refusing to forgive. Please feel free to write again and let me know how things are doing. Praying for you and your daughter now…
Cultivate peace of mind and heart.
Hi Mary-Ann. Thanks for sharing. I need to do that!
I will find a way to serve other. I seem to go to a good place in my heart when I am helping others
Hi Lori. Thanks for sharing this! I’m so glad you’re in a good place right now. Thank you for using your energies to serve others. We really do heal a little when we engage in loving service to others. Be kind to yourself today.
“I will cultivate peace of mind and heart and be a peace-giver to others.”
This resolution points my attention away from myself, away from my grief. It will encourage me to focus on peace, not grief, and on others, not myself.
Hi Pamela. Thanks for sharing. We need a lot of peace in our world right now. We each need peace of mind and heart so badly. I’m with you – this is a big one! Be kind to yourself today – and patient with yourself and you seek to have peace and be a peace-giver. Blessings to you…
When my grandson was taken from me it changed everything about me. I have became a more compassionate person but I have also been alot quieter and unfortunately withdrawn from some things in my life. If I dont feel they are healthy for me I say away from it.
Hi Janet. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m so sorry about your grandson. How awful and painful. I think many can relate to what you’ve said – more compassionate but also quieter. Loss can teach us lessons that nothing else can. Once we know deep loss, life means more – and we tend to naturally shy away from things that really don’t matter and don’t help us live well. Please keep being kind to yourself. If I can serve you in any way, please let me know. Blessings…
I need to really double-down on my self care. I have been trying hard not to attach painful memories to dates because over time, every day or every holiday could become attached with grief and I don’t want that. But Januarys are hard. We lost daddy three years ago in Jan, momma last year in January and now our little bearded dragon passed away and we buried her yesterday. So today I re-commit to self care. I’m taking my daughter and sister to meet my BFF for Starbucks, pedicures and Mexican food, and maybe a little shopping. Thanks for your guidance, Gary.
Hi Anne. Good to hear from you! Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry about these terrible losses. I’m glad that self-care is on your radar screen. I know it’s a challenge for me. Busyness invades life the moment we wake. So little is really necessary. Go take care of you. We need you! Blessings…
Guarding my heart from people and influences that are not helpful to me. Sometimes the people you assume will be there for you and get it, like family, just don’t. But its so good to know there are people who do get it and will allow us to grieve and be authentic with who we are and where we’re at in the journey. Be open to finding the people who are helpful. Don’t write off everyone because of some.
Hi Rachel. Thanks for sharing this. Excellent points! We do tend to back off of even healthy things when we get hurt. You’re right. They are people out there who are ready and willing to walk with us. Thank goodness. Thanks again. If I can ever help you in any way, please let me know. Blessings to you…
Thank you, Gary. You have been such a great help with your wisdom.
You’re welcome! Thank you for your kindness and encouragement. It means a lot.