“This isn’t fair!” is a common statement for those who have lost someone special. Why did this happen to them, to us? We look at the world around us and are stunned. How can this be? Other people still have spouses, partners, parents, children, siblings, and friends. As the grieving heart below says, “This feels all wrong somehow.”

This post, taken from Comfort for the Grieving Adult Child’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Parent, digs into this issue. No matter what your loss, I think you’ll be able to relate…

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:

I know this will sound dumb, but I’m starting to realize that other people still have parents.

Now that you’re gone, I guess I think everyone should be in the same boat. If my parent is gone, everybody’s parents should be. I know – ridiculous. 

I see my friends and other people with their parents from time to time, and it’s painful for me. Their smiles, laughter, and hugs are little daggers to my heart. I can’t help but think of you. What I’ve lost and what I’m missing comes cascading down upon me like an irresistible waterfall. Sometimes, it stuns me, and I have a hard time catching my breath. 

I get sad, then I get angry. This isn’t fair. How come they still get to have parents? Why can’t I still have you?

I know everyone has to die sometime, but it feels all wrong somehow. I knew you wouldn’t always be here, but I guess my heart hoped that was a possibility. 

For now, seeing others and their parents is not a source of joy for me. It only reminds me of what is no more for me. I feel different. I’m not who I was. I feel different from everyone else, too. It’s like I only have half a heart. 

Everything seems to remind me of you. Yes, you were that important. You still are. 

When Loss Feels Unfair and Wrong…

When something we’ve had all our lives goes missing, we become keenly aware of it. An all-out search begins. Where is it? Where did it go? How do I find it? 

When someone we’ve known our entire lives departs, something feels wrong. Someone is missing who’s always been here. It can even feel like the entire world as we knew it disappeared. 

Though we know they’re gone, our hearts search for them. We see them here and there. We look for them at certain times and places. We keep waiting for them to call, text, or walk around the corner. 

Amid our sadness and pain, we begin to notice the other parents and children around us. We can’t help but stare. Our hearts hungrily take in the scenes of conversation, togetherness, and love. We feel the emotion welling up within us. Teary-eyed, we turn away and hang our heads. 

Perhaps we even want to walk up to those with parents and say, “Enjoy every moment. They won’t be here forever.” We find ourselves wishing we had more time – or had made better use of the time we had. We long for another smile, conversation, or hug.  

We become keenly aware of everyone who looks close to the age of our parent. We look for mom or dad in the faces of others. Our hearts are expressing themselves. Everything seems to remind us of them.

This is natural. We’re grieving the loss of a mother or father. Our life-web is hanging listless from the severing of one of our thickest relational strands. In many ways, we’re stunned and reeling. 

Affirmation: It’s natural that my grief will be triggered when I see others with their parents. My heart is expressing how much I miss you.  

Taken from Comfort for the Grieving Adult Child’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Parent. You can watch the brief book video here.

Have you experienced sentiments like this in your grief process? Feel free to share and comment below!

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