When loss hits, our bodies feel the ongoing shock. This post, adapted from Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart, talks about how grief can make us sick. No matter what you loss, I’ll bet you can relate to the Grieving Heart below…
FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:
I miss you, and I think it’s making me sick.
I can’t seem to fight off colds like I used to. My stomach hurts. I get headaches from time to time. I’m always tired. My body aches.
Missing you is bad enough but feeling this way on top of it all is frustrating and confusing.
Am I sick? Is there something wrong with me physically? Do I need to go to a doctor?
I don’t want to go much of anywhere, least of all to the doctor. I don’t want to be poked, prodded, or stuck right now. Life is uncomfortable enough already. I don’t want another person, even if it’s my doctor, asking me how I’m doing, how I’m coping, or how whatever.
I don’t need more questions. I need answers.
My head is full. My mind flits here and there. My heart races from time to time. My shoulders are heavy. I can’t seem to get the rest I need. I’m still not eating well.
I’m a mess.
When we lose some we love, it affects our entire system. Grief impacts us emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Many of us experience new or uncomfortable physical symptoms.
Stomach distress, headaches, aches and pains, frequent illnesses, palpitations, racing heartbeat, nausea, and dizziness are common. We can become clumsy, forgetful, and lethargic. Our bodies feel heavy. Daily life takes much more energy.
Grief is stressful. It suppresses the immune system. We get sick more often. Our bodies feel the pain of our loss and express this in a variety of ways. Weird physical symptoms often come with riding the grief roller coaster. If something concerns us, however, it’s important to get it checked out. We don’t need the stress and pressure of additional unknowns right now. Grieving hearts often need support, information, and reassurance.
Our bodily distress honors our loved one. We love them, and we experience their absence in multiple ways.
Rest, proper nutrition, and appropriate exercise are especially important right now.
None of us is perfect — not even close. We simply do the best we can in the situation we find ourselves in.
Affirmation: Grief is hitting my body, too. I’ll be kind to myself and take the best care of myself possible.
Adapted from Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Partner. Watch the brief book trailer here.
Additional Recommended Resources:
5 Steps for When Grief Gets Physical – Wellness
10 Myths About Grief Most of Us Believe – Belief Net
7 Tips to Getting Unstuck in Grief (and Life) – Thrive Global
My son has been gone for 13 1/2 years and I still have so many very sad days. I sometimes feel like I’m dying inside, it takes my breath away . ?
Hi Bonnie. Yes. Loss like that can suck all the oxygen out of the universe – or so it feels. I’m so sorry. Please be patient with yourself – and please take care. Peace to you…
Losing my 22 year old son has caused so many health problems that I’m now on disability. I see a grief therapist, do aquatic therapy but my loss was so great that I feel I barely make it through the day. I don’t want to be here, i want to be with my son. However I have 2 other sons who need me. We live 6 hours away from each other. I only get to see them 2-3 times a year. I want to move closer to them but my disability income is not enough. Heartbroken mom. I feel as though I just exist. .
HI Elma. Oh no. I’m so sorry about your son. Some losses are so massive, so heavy, and so deep that all we can do for a while is survive. Just breathing can be a chore and exhausting. We can feel numb…as you said, like we’re just existing. I’m glad you have those two other sons, and I too wish you were closer to them. I’m glad you’ve surrounded yourself with some good support. Over time, that will make a huge difference. Please be patient with yourself. And please feel free to write any time. I’m here to help, if I can.
Thank you so much for this article, it is so very true, I lost my husband after 46 years of marriage 18 months ago, I still have a hard time trying to adjust to this new life I’m living….it hurts so bad?!!
Hi Hadda. I’m so sorry about your husband. That loss changes all of life – everything. You’re right…it’s so, so hard. Please be kind to yourself – and very, very patient with yourself. Breathe deeply and try to express what’s happening inside somehow – talking, writing, art, etc. And please feel free to touch base here. Thanks again for commenting, Hadda. Blessings…
Dear Gary:
My husband died by suicide 3 years ago this July. He was 60 years old. At the time of his death, we had just celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary. Three grown children & 3 young grandchildren- his passing devastated us all.
Joe’s death has left me in a strange weather-like pattern. The storm hits, it passes, it always does, then there’s clean-up. The anniversaries, the birthdays, the celebrations — have become our hurricane season. We know at these times there’s a chance for a hit, and I pray that we are spared a direct hit.
And just when you get used to some form of normalcy, the winds pick up $ the sea surges. Your emails help affirm that my emotions are not abnormal. They calm the chaos. Thank you.
Hi Dorene. Thanks for writing and commenting. So sorry for the delay in responding. I’m so sorry about your husband. What a tragic, traumatic, and complicated loss. Your description of the “weather pattern” is so good – so accurate and descriptive. Yes, many experience these hurricanes. Please keep being kind to yourself and patient with yourself, Dorene. This is definitely a marathon, not a sprint. Please feel free to reach out and touch base at any time. Blessings…
I died with my mom when she passed…
HI Marie. I’m so, so sorry. Moms are huge in our lives. Well, we wouldn’t be here without them, would we? Please be kind to yourself, Marie. And please feel free to reach out here any time. So sorry for the delay in getting back to you!