Quarantine. Shelter-in-place. Lockdown. Social distancing. Blunt the curve. Stop the spread.
These are terms we’ve become all too familiar with.
Life has changed in a short period of time. We have been thrust into a season of grief.
As a grief specialist, I’m fond of saying that “every issue is a grief issue.” I believe that every struggle, pain, and frustration we have is linked to a real or perceived loss of some kind.
And we have plenty of losses going on right now:
- Jobs and income.
- a sense of safety and security.
- relationships as we knew them.
- freedoms of all kinds.
- the ability to plan, travel, and vacate.
- our way of life and our usual routine.
- a sense of normalcy and predictability.
Some of us have lost neighbors, friends, or family members during this time – perhaps some to the virus itself.
We’re grieving. As such, we experience sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, fear, anxiety, guilt, and depression. These little deaths (or big ones) nip away at us. We feel more and more isolated. We’re starved for face-to-face contact.
Life is not what it was. We do not yet know what life will be. Welcome to Limbo Land.
Here are three things that this pandemic has taught me – so far. I knew these things before, but the COVID-19 crisis has driven them home on a deeper level.
#1 Control is an illusion.
As human beings, we continue to function based on a concept of perceived control. This novel coronavirus has made it very clear that you and I control next to nothing.
If we think about it carefully, about the only thing we have control over are the thoughts we nurture in our minds and hearts – and the resulting words and actions. We don’t control situations, circumstances, or other people. We have profound influence, but we do not have control.
I wake up each day now with the message, “I am not in control” resonating in my head. I’m learning, all over again, to hold things loosely. I can make plans, but I need to be ready to adapt and pivot. I need to stay open and flexible.
I am not in control, but I do have influence. How can I use my influence for good (to help others) today?
#2 Life is about people and relationships.
We are social creatures. Even the extreme introverts among us feel the incredible relational pinch of this virus.
Relationships never stay static. They are always changing – growing either closer and deeper, or more shallow and distant.
Current limitations make it necessary for us to be intentional about connecting.
We’re on edge. We’re all grieving. The atmosphere of vulnerability out there is stunning. Now more than ever, we need to relate well to each other.
We need to see other people. Now is the time to take notice of all those around us and protect them by following federal, state, and local guidelines.
With those we can have conversations with, we need to be good listeners and resist the temptation to fill the air with our words and agendas.
We need to remember that everyone has a heart. All of us have been hurt. Many are frightened and lonely. We need to be compassionate and deeply respectful.
Be kind. Promote peace. Forgive quickly – both others and ourselves. This is a trying time. We need each other.
#3 We are sojourners.
A sojourner is defined as “a person who resides temporarily in a place.” We live where we do at present, temporarily. We never know what is going to happen, when, and how.
If we see ourselves as permanent residents, wherever we happen to be, we settle in and set about trying to recreate our own version of the Garden of Eden.
Inevitably, something comes along and disturbs our carefully cultivated garden. Things happen both suddenly and over time that let us know our own personal plans are subject to forces way above our pay grade.
We are sojourners. Pilgrims. Travelers. We are passing through.
The less we grasp tightly what’s around us, the more freedom we experience.
The less baggage we have, the less time and energy we expend trying to take care of it – and the more time we have for people and relationships.
The lighter we travel, the freer we are to pursue and fulfill our mission and purpose. And whatever our personal purpose or mission is, it inevitably involves love, people, and service.
We can learn a lot through this.
COVID-19 can teach us much, if we let it. Are we open to receiving these uncomfortable lessons?
For now, we grieve.
We wake each day to a grief-stricken world. We grieve together through the changes, challenges, and alterations.
Together, we will journey through Limbo Land and find our way to a new place where we will hopefully be even more compassionate and caring.
Together, we will love, heal, and grow from this.
Question: What is one big lesson you’ve learned through this current crisis? Feel free to comment and share.
If you haven’t already, please grab a copy of my FREE book CRISIS: 7 Essential Principles for Navigating Uncertainty. Download yours today.
This crisis made me more aware of my mortality and what is most meaningful in my life. God and my family. Life is fleeting and will pass by quicker than any of us realize. We only have one chance to get it right, there’s no do-overs.
HI Jerrie. Thanks for commenting. So well said. Thank you. I wholeheartedly agree. We have today. Let’s live it well. Blessings to you…
This certainly has taught us that “we make our plans, but the Lord directs our steps.”
Also more tenderness towards
the needs of others.
Hi Sandy. Thanks for commenting and sharing this. Yes! I so agree. Thank you!
Hi Gary;
Through all of this so far, I’ve learned that most people are so scared that I think they forget to be human beings, with compassion. Not all , but quit a few … they need to remember that with facts comes knowledge.. the more we learn the more we can protect ourselves and our loved ones. I work in a nursing home ; in the line of fire if you will… we are doing everything humanly possible to keep covid out, thus far successfully! Thank god , count blessings be human and kind. We will make it through!
Lorie
From Stroudsburg Pa
Hi Lorie. Thanks for sharing this. And thank you for what you do! Bless you! We appreciate you more than you know. And you’re so right. When we get under stress, we go into fortress mode and forget to simply be kind and compassionate at the very times when kindness and compassion are most needed. Please stay safe out there. We’re with you! Blessings to you, Lorie.
In this life, there are many things we cannot control. I lost my husband in Dec of 2018, after I had gone through an unsuccessful back surgery in Oct. Everything I knew changed. I could not drive a car for months and then only short distances. I had been on the go before. I was not able to stand long enough to prepare my meals for a good while. Thank goodness I am able to do some of that now. I experienced quite a bit of “isolation” and during that time I had to find something to fill my grief. I started journaling and reading alot. And listening to praise music. Being closer to God helped me through some really rough times. I still have some. . but not as many. I must say the lack of human touch during the current isolation is really the most difficult. My son will come by and drop things off and I cannot even get close to him as he is in management at a grocery chain. I have learned to always try to think of the things we have to be grateful for. I still have a roof over my head, technology that allows me to stay in touch with others, and I listen to positive radio – K-Love. Many people have so many things they could be doing, even while isolated instead of thinking of what they can’t do.
Hi Carol. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry about your husband. Yes, indeed – it certainly changes everything. I’m so proud of you for how you’ve dealt with this challenging time. Way to go! And I agree about human touch – we need it so desperately. We’re wired for close relationships – not ones through screens. Please stay safe and keep taking care of yourself, Carol. Blessings…
Thank you, Thank You, Thank you for your thoughts! Your words are so true!
Hi Norma. Thanks for your support and encouragement! I always need that!
I would like to share your message on FaceBook? Is that possible? I think of friends and family who would read your thoughts and benefit greatly from them. Thank you for continually share your leaning and wisdom with us.
Barbara Gary
barbarajintx@gmail.com
Hi Barbara. Absolutely! I think you can simply use the Facebook share button which should be at the bottom of the article. And thank you for your kindness and encouragement. I appreciate you!
We can all do whatever is necessary to survive the restrictions at this time.
Help someone in need if you are able. Less is more.
God will bless us.
Thanks for commenting. So true! Thank you!
I have learned to rely on God! I live in Solitude . I do things for myself (take walks , have treats, Sleep when I am tired). I also watch Church services everyday, read a couple of devotional books daily and Pray. Dan
Hi Dan. Thanks for sharing this. What a GREAT use of this time. Solitude is a wonderful thing that we have forgotten how to practice. This pandemic is perhaps giving us a chance to relearn it. So important. Thanks Dan!
How lonely one can be when you are living alone and are social distancing!
Yes, indeed. It’s a strange kind of loneliness too. We so desperately need face-to-face interaction and touch. Soon, hopefully. Please be kind to yourself.
Gary, I think the lesson I’m learning is that I need so much less than what I have (material things)
We are currently in a downsized new-to-us home…hours from the home we left, and are not able to actively sell now. And all our furniture is there. All our cherished and sentimental things that we have acquired or collected for almost 38 years. It’s all outside our reach . We have a bed here. A couch , a chair, a simple kitchen table , and our computers and a few books. And it’s enough. I’m thankful for each meal. We often don’t have meals, even. For example, last nights dinner was a baked potato with butter, and some sweet tea. It was enough. There are some things I didn’t think I would miss….one of them is salt. We were without salt for a few weeks , then I told my daughter-in-law about how strange it was to me that I would miss that. That day, a baggie of salt was dropped off at my doorstep and she and I waved and blew kisses through the glass door! Here’s what I miss most : the feeling of hugs from my son and daughter-in-law, and my stepson, his wife, and our three grandchildren. I miss that so much, it hurts. Thank you for always being around Gary Roe.
Hi Kim. Thanks for sharing this. Wonderful. You are so right. We get so used to comfort and plenty. Then some of what we think we need is taken from us. And we somehow discover how little we actually need. What we really need is people and relationships – and of course food and shelter. We need meaning and purpose. Thanks for reminding us of all this. And I love the salt story. Priceless. Blessings to you, Kim.
My husband of 43 years died 4 months ago and I have been grieving deeply. This crisis has helped me encourage others because of the lessons I have learned from your books on grieving and my own personal grief journey.
Hi Renee. Thanks for sharing and commenting. I’m so sorry about your husband. What a massive, huge loss. Thank you for using your grief as fuel to serve others – especially during this time! You’re a Difference Maker, and we are grateful for you. Blessings to you…
I’ve learned to be content in whatever state I’ m in and to have an attitude of gratitude.
To be thankful for the many blessings God has given me these many years. Also that he’s been with me during the hard times. It’s still my Father’s world.
Hi Carolyn. Thanks for sharing. I love what you’ve written here. Yes. So true. Thank you!
Hi Gary
I have been self isolating since I lost my son this past November. This pandemic have given me permission to be isolated. My most demanding child is my grief right now, so I am not experiencing the same Type of fear and anxiety as many others. I love all the points you make and agree that control
Is an illusion. During this difficult time helping others it very important. I have been getting groceries delivered to older family members and people that I know are sick and need to stay home. Helping is imperative to every heart!! Even this broken one!
Hi Vee. Thanks for sharing this. I’m so sorry about your son. You’re right – this pandemic has given us an opportunity to focus and to grieve. And thank you for reaching out and helping others. Our hearts heal a little when we do that. We so desperately need people who will let their grief motivate them to love – people like you – so, thank you!
Humble thank you Gary, for your insights. You are right on. I needed your thoughtful ideas. Blessings to You and “Yours”, safe travels, through every day.
?❤️???
Hi James. Great to hear from you! Thanks for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. Stay safe, my friend!
This was such a blessing to me this morning! Hard truths, but vital to hear and understand. Thank you, Gary!
Hi Beverly. Good to hear from you! Yes, reality has come to roost, and we are all having to deal with it. Ugh. Tough. Hard. Even excruciating. But we have a Shepherd who goes before us and knows what’s ahead. Thank goodness! Blessings to you, Beverly.