When a family member departs, the familial web changes shape. Everything is different. Though this article is about the loss of a parent (from Comfort for the Grieving Adult Child’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Parent), much of what is said could be true of any family member. See if you can relate…

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:

I feel like the world is coming apart. Or at least, it seems like our family is. 

I guess you were the glue that held us together.  

You were the hub of our wheel. You kept track of everyone. You organized things. You pulled off the holidays, year after year.  

Please forgive me. I took all of that for granted. Which means I took you for granted. I keep discovering that you did far more than I realized.  

I don’t know what’s going to happen to all of us. You’ve passed the baton, but I don’t know if any of us will pick it up. I don’t know if any of us can.  

You were you. You are irreplaceable.

Our family will never be the same.    

When our family is forever altered.

When a family member departs, the impact on the family web is massive. A central thread running through all the others has vanished. The web immediately loses it consistency and shape. Although the remaining threads are the same, the web is nothing like it was before.  

The power of a single thread is stunning. A single person, a single life, can have profound, deep impact.

It feels like a commanding officer has died and the troops are in disarray, scattering here and there. If our deceased family member was the stabilizing thread running through all the others, the remaining threads can easily separate and fall away from each other.  

Though this might be frustrating, it’s not our job to step in and attempt to replace our family member. For starters, that’s impossible. What we can do is be ourselves in the moment – authentic and real. We discover that we’ll be mourning not only our loved one, but all their influence in our family, as well. 

Our family has changed. Therefore, all the relationships within the family will change. Things can’t remain the same. Based on a variety of factors, the relationships we have with siblings and other relatives will either grow closer or more distant.  

Of course, no relationship ever stays the same. Relationships by their nature are dynamic and evolving. The loss of a parent who was the “family glue” suddenly forces the family into a different mold, and what emerges is a web of different character and shape. 

As this new web takes a different shape, we continue to breathe deeply and to process our grief in healthy ways. As we take care of our own hearts, the good that comes out of that will naturally influence the rest of the family as well.

When we take good care of ourselves, we’re also expressing love to those around us. 

   Affirmation: An anchor of our family web is gone. Our family will change. I’ll focus on processing my grief in healthy ways. 

Adapted from Comfort for the Grieving Adult Child’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Parent.

Additional Recommended Resources:

7 Questions for Life’s Tough Times – Thrive Global

Grief Soundbites: Emotional Pain – Gary Roe YouTube

When Details Complicate our Grief – www.garyroe.com