When someone dies or leaves, we can feel left behind. Our personal worlds are altered forever. This article is adapted from the newly released Comfort for the Grieving Adult Child’s Heart. No matter what loss you’re currently dealing with, I think you’ll be able to relate to the Grieving Heart below…

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:

I woke up today with a sudden, startling realization.

I feel like an orphan.

I blinked and stared into the mirror. “How can this be?” I wondered.

I’ve always had you. Now I don’t. I feel like my foundation for life has cracked.

Somewhere deep in my heart, my sense of stability and security has been shaken. The safety net beneath me, that I didn’t even realize was there, has disappeared.

I had a special, one-of-a-kind relationship with you. It changed over the years, as both of us grew and changed. I felt closer to you at some times more than others. We had our difficulties, too. 

But you were there, and I knew you were there. Now, you’re not. My head gets it, but my heart seems to be lagging way behind. 

Orphaned. What a powerful word. I feel sick. A huge shift has occurred in my personal universe. I don’t know what to do with all this. It’s like I’m trying to figure it out somehow. What do I do now? What’s next? 

I feel like an orphan. Where did you go?

When We Feel Left Behind

When a parent departs, the realization of what we’ve lost occurs in layers over time. We’ve always had them. 

Now, we don’t. They’ve always been here. Now, they’re not. They’ve always been a phone call, text, or email away. Now, they’re gone with no way to reach them.

Then it hits us like a brick. We feel orphaned. It’s a stunning, strange, and surreal sensation.  

We can feel orphaned even if we still have a parent living. The departure of our first parent signals to our hearts that the orphaning process has begun. Though we may not realize it, we begin to brace ourselves for the reality that someday we will lose our other parent, as well. Unconsciously, our hearts begin preparing for the inevitable. 

Orphaned. It feels like we’ve been set adrift in the middle of an unknown ocean with no land in sight. Our sense of security might feel like it’s been smacked with a battering ram. Our parents are naturally our unconscious emotional safety net, even if they are older and we’re the ones taking care of them. When they depart, our first, oldest, and thickest strands of our life web are cut, leaving us flailing in the breeze.  

Even if our relationship with them was not the best, the removal of their presence from this world stuns our adult child’s heart. We grieve what we lost. We grieve what we wished for and never had. We grieve what was and what will never be.  

When the orphaned feelings come, we will breathe deeply and feel some of the pain of this loss. Our personal universe has shifted. We will be kind to ourselves. This is hard.   

Affirmation: The feeling of being orphaned can be deep, painful, and disturbing. I’ll be kind to myself, breathe deeply, and accept the emotions as they come. 

Adapted from the newly released Comfort for the Grieving Adult Child’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing a Parent.

Additional Resources:

5 Crucial Truths for Ovecoming Loneliness in the Digital Age – The Daily Positive

Helping Others Understand the Loneliness of Grief – The Grief Toolbox

When We Feel Paralyzed in Grief – www.garyroe.com