When loss strikes, sooner or later our hearts ask some version of “How could this happen?”

In fact, most of us end up asking this question again and again – weeks, months, or even years later.

Though the following post is taken from my new book for those who have lost spouses, I’m betting you’ll be able to relate, no matter what loss you’re experiencing.

FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:
I woke up angry today.
How dare you leave? How could you do this? I want you back. Now.
But you’re not coming back, are you? No, of course not.
How could this happen? Why? I don’t understand.
I’ll never understand.
I don’t like this anger, but sometimes it feels better than sadness. I fi nd myself irritated with everything. My fuse is short. Frustration is bubbling just beneath the surface.
I think I’m going to explode. Maybe that would be better than holding this anger in. I don’t know.
I want to scream and hit something. Maybe I should.
I’m here. You’re not. I’m angry.

When a loved one dies or leaves, our hearts break. Emotions pour out and flood our being. Sadness is one of the most common feelings we experience. Anger is another.

Our loved one is gone. We’re stunned, shocked, and sad. We begin to feel the pain. Their absence becomes a cloud that encompasses us no matter where we go.

Questions begin to surface. How could this happen? Why? Why them? Why us? Why now? Why this way?

Satisfying answers are hard to come by. Anger begins to brew within. We feel robbed and cheated. Perhaps we feel wronged or victimized. Our hearts rail against this loss, this death. We want our loved one back. Now.

Love is passionate and powerful. When we feel attacked, anger is a natural result. Anger is common when we encounter loss.

We love them. They’re gone. Of course, we’re upset. Loss has invaded and stolen someone special and irreplacable. The key now is expressing the anger in healthy ways.  

We could do any or all of the following:

• Hit a pillow, or scream into it
• Power walk around, punching the air
• Knead some dough
• Smack a punching bag
• Write in a journal
• Exercise
• Vent to someone safe

We can’t afford to let the anger smolder and fester. It will most likely leak out in less than desirable ways. We must find ways to express it as it comes.

We continue to breathe deeply. We give ourselves permission to be angry. Anger is a natural part of grief.    

Affirmation: It’s okay if I get angry. I will find healthy ways to express my anger.

Adapted from the newly released Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart: Hope and Healing After Losing Your Partner.

Question: Has you heart asked some form of “How could this happen?” If you’ve experienced anger in your grief process, what has helped you with this?

Additional Resources:

ANGER: When We Feel Like We Might Explode – The Grief Toolbox

5 Crucial Keys to Managing Anger – garyroe.com

7 Questions for Life’s Tough Times – Thrive Global