“For a while, we tried to forget. That was impossible. So we chose to deliberately remember and tell his story to whomever would listen,” Amanda shared.
Amanda and Garland’s son Boyd was their middle child. He fell in love with hockey at age 4. The game became his obsession. By the time he was 16, his skills on the ice were impressive.
One night, Boyd and three teammates were on their way home from practice and hit a large patch of black ice. The resulting head-on collision killed all but one of the boys and the other driver. Boyd was 18.
“Boyd’s coach asked about doing a memorial game to honor the boys and raise teen driving safety awareness. We agreed. It was a huge hit. The next year, it was even bigger and better. Last month, we had the 5th annual memorial game. It’s the biggest event in the city now. And traffic fatalities are way down the last three years,” Garland said.
“I can almost see Boyd smiling in heaven,” Amanda added.
Memorials can be powerful, and healing
We will always remember. And we can use these memories to honor our loved one, help our families grieve in a healthy manner, and even impact a community for good.
How? By initiating memorials.
Memorials can be almost anything. They are usually built off the personality and passions of our loved one. If they were an infant or toddler, the memorial can come from what we as parents hoped for them.
Here are some memorials others have chosen to honor their loved one and impact lives:
- Annual memorial soccer game followed by hot dog cook out
- Make a quilt honoring your them and display it
- Annual teen driving safety assembly at the local high school
- Paint a rock in memory of your loved one. Use acrylic paint and spray with clear sealer. Put it in your garden, use as a doorstop, or place beside their monument.
- Give a tree in memory of your loved one to a local park or charity.
- Tennis tournament and drug awareness program.
- Have a party with friends at a paint-it-yourself business. Ask people to donate a few extra dollars for a charity gift in your loved one’s honor.
- Memorial baseball game with a brief suicide-prevention program
- Memorial water-bottle giveaway on a hot summer day in a prominent location
- Memory walk to raise funds for charity
- Have an artist friend draw or paint a portrait of your loved one from a picture, or try it yourself.
- Memorial community cookout and fireworks show
- Community pizza party with alcohol safety awareness program
You get the idea.
Not only are we remembering our loved one and celebrating their life, but we’re also modeling healthy, positive grieving to a world that can be clueless. We keep their memory out there. We’re not afraid to speak their name, and no one else should be either. We shout it out, and invite others to celebrate them with us.
Our loved one mattered. They still do, and always will. Memorials give us a target, a focused avenue to express our love. Lives will be changed for the better because of them.
“I’ll find memorials that will honor you and bring a smile to your face. I love you.”
Adapted from the 2017 USA Best Book Awards Finalist and Amazon bestseller, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child.
Question: What ideas/memorials can you think of that would honor your loved one?
Additional Recommended Resources:
We Speak Their Name – 5 Suggestions for Honoring Our Loved Ones
3 Tips for Living from Those Who are Dying – Professors House
Life and Grief with Gary Roe – Hungry for Happiness Podcast
I would like to speak out about suicide prevention but don’t know where I could do that. I’m from long prairie, mn if u could help me out with this I would appreciate it if you could send me a copy on where I could in my area thank you and God bless you.
Hi Denise. Thanks for your willingness to speak out on this issue. We’re currently in an epidemic, and the more voices involved the better. I’ll send you an email. Thanks, Denise.
Hi Gary
Read with interest, your article on creating memorials for our loved ones. These are some of the things I did to honor my beloved Husband’s life, and help keep his memory alive.
I planned the entire memorial service for my husband, a month after he passed away. I was not about to let someone else plan his memorial, I HAD to do it myself. With the assistance of our associate pastor, he formatted the songs & videos which played on the church screens I selected from the internet, including the Revelation Song, El Shaddai, a video of Amazing Grace played on the Bagpipes and I composed & delivered his eulogy, along with several others who spoke at the service. After that, there was a showing of photographs of his life, formatted to play with Bless the Lord oh my Soul. At the end, there was the flag presentation, with Navy sailors in their crisp white uniforms, to honor his naval service, while his nephew played Taps. The closing was a video of “Anchors Aweigh” to honor both him and our US Navy & Country.. Since he was cremated, there was no casket, I used a table at the front of the church to display mementos & photos of his life & flowers & tree & shrub cuttings gathered from our yard that morning, he loved our place so much. Several people told me it was the most beautiful service they ever saw. I poured my heart & soul into the planning of his service for a month. I was determined to give the main eulogy myself, because I was the one who knew him the best,and loved him the most. It took everything I had to keep it together, because the grief was so overwhelming – it still is. But God was there holding me up thru it all. He knew I needed to do this for my husband, I had to give my absolute best, and I know He helped me.
I had my husband’s cremains buried at Bath National Cemetery, quite a ways from where I live. I wanted to have a place in our yard to honor him. In an area by the sidewalk, I selected a large piece of slate and did a transparency of his name & dates & favorite Scripture on it. I plant seasonal flowers along a small rock pathway, a small US Navy flag, and have wind chimes & angel statuary placed around, and a fountain and beneath his stone I placed a single red fabric rose.
That’s not the end of it, I also have many pictures, and little odds & ends that are meaningful to me about him, and of course, my favorite picture of him in the middle. I have all this on my fireplace mantle. I have composed a poem and framed it, and have placed meaningful objects of our marriage on another shelf. I guess others may call my place a ‘shrine’ but I don’t care. His memory lives with me, and my love for him will continue on for eternity.
Some of the other things I have done is give donations to a religious organization or a local animal shelter in his honor. I also talk about him with his friends and family. I know that some times people are afraid to bring up the deceased loved ones’ name, but I want to remember him with others who cared for him. He was a funny man who loved life and was grateful to God for what He gave him, and saved him from. He had a fantastic sense of humor, loved to make others laugh, which he so often did, but he was also very loving and a compassionate person who gave those who bared their heart to him, hope that the Lord would make things right if they turned to Him.
Over three years have passed since he died, and he is still so sorely missed. As one lady in one of our church groups said of him… “He was a giant of a man”.
Hi Lovey. Thank you for sharing this. You are honoring your “giant of a man” in many, many ways. Thank you for your love for him and the ways that you continue to express than love. Keep being kind to yourself. The Lord walks with you, is in you, and feels what you feel. Blessings to you, Lovey.
We bring things for the dog shelter in our daughters memory.
I’ve brought cleaning supplies, treats and toys.
This year I’ve purchased stuffed toys and will bring dry dog food.
Hi Sandra. Wonderful! How creative. What a delightful way to honor her! Thanks for sharing.