Feel like you’re going crazy?

In grief, this is a common thought (and fear). And no wonder…

 

From the Grieving Heart:

I feel confused today. 

One minute I’m sad, and the next I’m angry. I zone out and find myself staring at the walls. Everything seems strange, like I’m in some alternate reality that looks a lot like my old life. Except that you’re not here.

My life is not the same at all. Everything feels different now.

Then the sadness returns. Or maybe it never left. Perhaps sadness is more like a cloud that follows me throughout the day.

My emotions are all over the place, and I’m getting less able to manage and hide them. I feel unstable. I’m not acting like myself. I feel different. 

The world around me marches on like nothing happened, while I’m stuck here. It’s like I’ve become an observer – an outsider looking in. 

I miss you. Where did you go? Where did I go? I want my old life back. 

What is life now? I’m confused.

 

Living in the same world when nothing seems the same.

We wake up in the same world, but for us everything has changed. This is confusing. How do we do this?

Here are 5 keys to maintaining your sanity while grieving:

1. Accept that emotional confusion is common in grief.

When loss hits us, our hearts crack, and emotion pours out everywhere. Some manage to hide some of their feelings, only to find them leaking out here and there in unhealthy ways. Some express their emotions freely but in such a way that is not helpful to them. Others learn ways of managing grief emotions that express who they are and their relationship with the one they lost.

When this unruly combo of sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, guilt, and frustration hit, confusion naturally occurs. Yes, you’re going to feel confused at times.

2. Accept that mental confusion is common in grief.

We’ve never been here before. This is unchartered territory. No matter what we thought it might be like, the terrain we find ourselves in is different than we imagined or expected. Nothing could have fully prepared us for this.

Your mind spins. Thoughts bounce about and fly away with stunning rapidity. This is part of grief.

3. Accept that confused decision-making is common in grief.

Our minds are trying to somehow make sense of what happened and this new reality that has been thrust upon us. Our hearts are reeling from the collision of life and loss. This affects our decision-making.

Even if we proclaim to ourselves and others that we’re “fine” and “thinking straight,” the reality is that our world is radically different, and we can’t possibly have the wisdom (yet) to decipher all the life-changing issues that are staring us in the face.

Be aware of this. Wisdom says that it’s better to take your time and don’t make any life-altering, huge decisions while in heavy grief. Give it six months. Give it a year. Involve people you trust in the process.

4. Develop the skill of being patient with yourself.

Someone special is missing. There are gaping holes in our hearts and in our routines. Some confusion is common and expected. Learning to be patient with ourselves is important. The path is rocky, uneven, and unpredictable.

Grief is a more like a marathon than a sprint. Pacing yourself along the way is crucial. Give yourself a break. Take care of you. Be nice to yourself. This is hard.

5. Give yourself permission to grieve (which means feeling confused at times).

We’re not superhuman. We can breathe deeply and give ourselves permission to not have to understand all the events unfolding in our lives or be able to explain them to others. Life is anything but business as usual right now.

Be real with your own heart and a few people you trust. You’re hurting. You should be. Give yourself permission to go through the grief process and run this marathon. Focus on grieving well, as best as you know how. Forgive yourself, and others, often.

Affirmation: Loss is confusing. I’ll be patient with myself. 

Question: Have you wondered if you’re going crazy? What helps you when you feel this way?

Adapted from Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. Grab your copy or download a free excerpt today.