Holidays can make us crazy. Add loss and grief into the mix, and many of us wonder how we’re going to get through this.

 

Holidays can be crazy-making times.

“I’m scared. It’s like I’m frozen and can’t move. How do I face life without my husband?” Tina asked.

“How in the world do you do Christmas when you’ve lost a child? I’m a puddle of tears every time I think about it.” Courtney added.

Jeff chimed in, “All this hype and holiday spirit stuff just makes me sick and angry.”

No wonder we feel crazy.

No matter what the holiday, chances are you have powerful memories your loved one associated with it. These wonderful (or sometimes painful) experiences of the past can be triggered in an instant. Potential reminders are everywhere:

• Familiar songs
• Certain aromas
• Familiar places
• Certain people
• A special movie or show
• Certain holiday events
• Holiday cards
• Certain holiday traditions

All these remind you of your times together. You can’t get away from them. There’s a trigger around every corner.

The memories flood in. Everywhere you look you see your loved one. You could swear you hear their voice. Perhaps you can almost feel their touch.

Yes, holidays will be different now.

Let me assure you of a few things:

1. It’s okay to hurt.

It’s okay to be where you are in the grief process. It is what it is.

2. Life is messy, and so is grief.

You may feel like a mess. That’s not surprising. Your life has turned topsy-turvy. Grief is messy. Holidays are messy.

3. Anger is a natural part of grief.

Maybe you’re more easily irritated. Anger is a part of loss. How could you not be upset?

4. Sad is okay.

Perhaps you’re sad or even depressed at times. That’s natural. Are you supposed to be happy and thrilled right now?

5. Feeling a little crazy is common.

You wonder if you’re going insane. No, you’re just in a crazy situation right now. It feels like your soul has been ripped apart. Everything has changed.

6. Grief is exhausting.

You wish you weren’t exhausted all the time. Grief exacts a heavy toll on your resources. It’s mentally, emotionally, and physically draining.

7. Experiencing physical symptoms is not unusual.

Headaches, stomach distress, chest pain, palpitations, and minor illnesses can all be a part of grief. The stress suppresses your immune system. Loss is tough on the body.

8. Being strong may not be what you think.

You wish you could be stronger, but real strength lies in being real with your own heart. You’re stronger than you know.

9. Mental fog is common and expected.

You’re not as sharp. You’re forgetting things right and left. You blip out, stare at walls, and move around in a fog. Yep, that’s part of grieving too.

So want do you need to do?

Be kind to yourself.

Give yourself more wiggle-room.

Don’t expect as much from yourself (or others, for that matter).

Work on accepting where you are right now. 

This time is not business-as-usual. Far from it. This is new, uncharted territory. Even if you’ve had other losses, this loss is different. Every loss is unique.

Yes, this holiday will be different, but it can still be good.

My holidays will be different, but they can still be good.

 

Adapted from the Book Excellence Award Finalist, Surviving the Holidays Without You. Grab your copy (paperback, eBook, or audio) or download a free excerpt today.

Question: What are some ways you can be kind to yourself during this time?

Additional resource: Instead of dreading the holidays, we can proactively plan to honor our loved ones. Check out my article on Wellness.com, 9 Options for Healthy Grieving During Holidays. You can use these holidays for good.