Worry. Anxiety. Fear. Panic.
Most of us are familiar with these things.
“I’m having trouble sleeping. My mind won’t settle. I’m nervous and fidgety. I can’t concentrate,” Mary said, gently rocking back and forth.
“In fact, I seem to be anxious about everything,” she concluded.
Mary had recently lost her husband, Trevor. No wonder she was anxious.
Here are three quick reasons anxiety is natural and okay in times of grief.
1. Your heart has been hit.
Your heart has been smacked. You’re stunned and shaken. Even if death is expected, it’s still a shock when you’re loved one takes their last breath.
Anxiety often accompanies grief. Even normally calm individuals have their share during a loss.
2. You’re in uncharted territory.
Everything is changing. You’re grieving what you lost. You don’t know what’s ahead. You’ve never been here before. Even if you’ve had multiple losses, this one is new and different. Some anxiety would be natural.
3. Your brain thinks you’re in danger.
Grief initiates a fight-or-flight response. Your brain interprets you’re in danger, and it acts to protect you. Anxiety preps you to do battle or to run.
Give yourself a break. If you’re expecting to sail through this, that’s not realistic. You’ll get anxious, and that’s okay.
Here’s an affirmation for today:
“I may get anxious, but that doesn’t mean I’m in danger. It will pass.”
If you’re experiencing panic attacks and anxiety is impairing your life, it’s time to seek professional help.
Contact your medical doctor or a mental health professional (the best route is to use both). They’ll help you devise a plan for managing your emotions during this time.
Needing help isn’t weakness. Seeking help is courageous and wise.
Adapted from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (Best Book Award Finalist, National Indie Excellence Award Finalist).
Question: Have you experienced anxiety and panic as part of your grief process? Have you been hard on yourself about this? What seems to have helped?
Additional resource: We live in an anxious, fearful world. Check out my article on Wellness.com, The 5 Step Anti-Anxiety Prescription. If you like the article, help us reach more people by sharing on your favorite social media.
My only daughter(Jessica,34) died unexpectedly over a year ago. She’s preceded in death by two infant sons, my first two grandchildren. I know she’s joyously in Heaven with her little ones, but I continue to experience all those terrible effects of her death that has exacerbated my seizure disability. (I survived domestic violence but the blows to my head left me disabled.) I continue to work part-time and engage in daily activities. I believe my faith has saved me from complete madness but often, daily I feel so unsettled. Engaging in hobbies and hard work is but a band-aid to this ongoing torture of missing Jess and longing desperately for her presence. I’m under a doctor’s care for my disability and I see a psychologist and yet here I am feeling so fragile with my heartache. My sons and grandchildren are wonderful and I love them dearly. They, like Jessica have special places in my heart. There is no cure for my disability. In fact, the three doctors concur that “we know more about the universe than we do about the human brain.” Maybe the same holds true for the human heart and soul. I feel so broken and vulnerable sometimes because there isn’t any medication or therapy to alleviate the pain. I know there are others who still suffer like me, some less, some maybe much more. Sometimes I think I have discovered contentment when in reality it is merely resignation. I’m not suicidal, rather hurt, angry, upset, anxious and disenchanted. One of the most difficult things in life is to accept life on life’s terms–not an easy feat, especially when it’s the death of a loved one. I’m glad you’re a fellow Christian, Gary, otherwise I would have been hard-pressed to bear my soul. I usually deal with life one problem at a time and find some way to solve it or deal with it, but losing Jessica has left me lost, empty and heartbroken. I just want peace until I’m reunited with her in Heaven.
Hi Brenda. Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m so, so sorry. What huge losses. No wonder you’re feeling as you are. And I’m so thankful for your faith – it resonates in your words. Please feel free to reach out anytime – email me, etc. I’ll be glad to help, if I can. Feel free to share, vent, or whatever. I know you miss Jessica so, so much. I’ll be praying for you – beginning right now – peace, comfort, hope. I pray that you know that Jesus is with you in this – He lives in you – and He knows all about pain, injustice, suffering, rejection, and death. He feels what you feel. He is closer than you know. Blessings to you, Brenda.
I lost a dear friend in October. What surprised me is how deep the grieving hit me. I loved him dearly. But your information came in time and helped describe the feelings I was having. I had no idea his death would hit me so hard. But under the circumstances though, he died in his sleep. The thought of how long was he dead before he was found and the many times I called and no answer or return call which he always returned my calls. These are the questions I wanted answers to but God is gracious and is helping me in that area. And needless to say, I am glad. The questions were burdens that only God knows the answer to and He is not sharing at this moment and may never share with me. I’m an only child and my friend knew me all my life this is a huge loss for me. Thank you for your diligence and commitment to your ministry.
Hi Darlene. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry about your friend. You’ve known him so long and so well – what a huge loss. No wonder it hit you the way it did. And yes…there will be questions we don’t know the answers to. So much of grief is about trust. Please be patient with yourself in this, and please reach out here anytime you need or want to. Blessings to you, Darlene.
Thank you for giving us this confirmation that our anxiety and panic attacks are normal. Soon after my husband died, my blood pressure and heart rate sky rocketed – all day and every day. I visited my doctor, who knew my husband had died, and he prescribed high blood pressure medicine and 10 days of anti-anxiety medication. Because I had a stroke in 2004, and several TIA’s since then, and I have no family withing 1,400 miles, my doctor monitored my blood pressure regularly. 19 months later, I still have the random panic attack and my blood pressure does raise to extreme levels, as does my heart rate, on those days, but they are becoming less frequent. When I feel a panic attack coming on, I start reciting The Lords Prayer, and it seems to help.
Thank you so much for your publications and your FB posts – they have given e much comfort.
Hi Annie. I’m so sorry about your husband – and so sorry you’re going through this. I rejoice with you that these challenges seems to be lessening. Thank goodness! Thank you for taking your heart seriously and processing your grief. That brings more healing – over time – than we realize. Please feel free to share anytime, Annie. We’re with you!