In grief, questions abound. We wonder about many things. The same questions tend to circle around us – over, and over, and over again.

 

From the Grieving Heart:

I miss you. Badly.

I have one of your voicemails saved. I find myself listening to it over and over. I can’t believe you’re gone.

How did this happen? Why? Why you?

I keep asking the same questions. My mind runs around the same track, again and again. I feel like I’m going in circles.

And yet, I’m going nowhere. I’m barely moving at all. I go from thing to thing, person to person, without seeing anything. I’m a shadow, flitting in and out of what the rest of the world calls “normal life.” 

What’s normal now? Nothing. Everything has changed. I don’t like this world anymore because you’re not in it. 

Can you hear me? Where are you?

I look around. It seems like the same world, but it’s not. Far from it. 

I’m a ball of emotion. Sad. Angry. Frustrated. Confused. Sometimes it’s hard to tell one emotion from another. I feel hijacked, like I’ve been kidnapped and taken to some alternate reality. 

Surreal. That’s the word I was looking for. 

 

Questions, but few answers.

Here are 5 reasons we tend to ask the same questions, over and over:

1. Our hearts and minds shift into survival mode.

Our hearts are broken. We’ve taken a massive hit, and our minds are in survival mode. The unbelievable has happened. The unthinkable has taken place. No wonder we’re spinning.

What? How? Why? The questions begin to assault us.

2. Our souls desperately try to make sense of our new reality.

Our souls grapple to understand this new reality of a world without someone we love. We will always deny what we are not prepared to accept, and we’re certainly not ready to accept life without them yet.

What happened? How can this be? What do I do now?

3. We fight to cling to them though they are no longer here.

Even though they’re gone, their place in our hearts remains secure. We look for them. We listen for their voice. We try to keep them close any way we can. Pictures. Videos. Texts. Voicemails. Letters. Our search is part of love in action.

Why did you go? Did this have to happen? Who’s responsible? Why didn’t I…?

4. Our entire world has been altered.

Each morning we expect to wake in the same world as yesterday. After a loss, this illusion is shattered. We live in a different place now, one without our loved one. Everything seems off, strange, weird. Life is surreal.

How could you be gone? How could this happen? Why you? Why me? Why us? Why now? Why?

5. Overwhelm and overload relentlessly squeeze us.

Navigating all these emotions and changes can seem about as doable as a solo swim of the Pacific. Even tiny things become gigantic.

This is no longer the same world. Not for you. You did not ask for or want this change. Loss invaded, and then grief moved in. No wonder your emotions are all over the place and your anxiety level is through the roof.

What does this mean for me? Who am I now? What’s next? Who’s next? What will life be like now?

Yes, things are surreal. No, nothing is quite as it was. Your loved one mattered. Their departure is shaking your universe.

Your mind will spin. Emotions will hijack you. Your heart will ask repetitive questions. Your soul will search for answers. You are feeling your loved one’s absence.

All of this is natural. It is common. You’re not weird. You’re not crazy. Your heart is broken. You’re grieving.

Affirmation:

Life is surreal. I’m trying to make sense of things. This will take time.

 

Adapted from Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. Grab your copy or download a free excerpt today.

Question: Have you been plagued by the same questions over and over? What questions bother you the most? 

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