Loss stuns us. How could this happen? They were just here.
From the Grieving Heart:
How could this happen?
This can’t be real. You’re going to walk through that door any moment, I just know it.
The tears start to flow. They morph into sobs. I can hear myself screaming.
Yes, I feel sick. My stomach is churning. I’m lightheaded. The room is spinning.
Breathe. Yes, I must breathe. Somehow.
Is this what a broken heart feels like?
No, this can’t be real. You were just here. I swear I can hear your voice.
I’m closing my eyes. Please be there when I open them.
Please.
It hurts – badly.
Our hearts have been hit.
Loss has invaded. Our hearts have been shaken. We blink and wonder what happened. We stare in disbelief.
Here are 5 reasons loss stuns us:
1. Our hearts are connected.
We’re in this together. Our hearts are connected. There are people we love dearly. When a loved one departs, there is a tearing that occurs. The separation of two objects glued firmly together is messy, and neither object is ever the same.
2. Love endures.
Love lasts. It endures. When someone dies, our hearts love on. We look for them. We listen for their voice.
3. Loss is shocking and powerful.
Reality hits. They’re gone. We cry, sob, and even scream. The sudden intensity of grief can make us feel ill. We grieve because we dared to love. Loss is shocking and powerful.
4. Grief is intense.
Our hearts are designed to connect, not to separate. The grief can be deep and overwhelming. We let the tears flow. We let the sobs come. We scream if necessary. Our hearts are expressing our love through grief.
5. Life has changed.
Our world has been upended. Everything seems surreal, different. We will never be the same. How could we be?
A tearing apart has occurred, and it hurts.
Affirmation:
Because my love is deep, my grief may be intense. Tears are natural, and healthy.
Adapted from Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. Grab your copy or download a free excerpt today.
Additional resource: Grieving is hard work. Check out my article on Dr. Laura’s site, 5 Steps to Grieving Well So You Can Live Well. You are not alone. You will get through this.
I feel this to be very true. I lost my oldest daughter Daria, just 4yrs ago. We didn’t know she was seriously ill. Neither did she. Suddenly she felt bad and she went to an urgent care place and they told her she had an ulcer. Few days later she was in the hospital. They said she had a bleeding ulcer. Four day later after she came out of surgery, the decided to keep her under. Four days later she died. They couldn’t stop the bleeding, and her organs were shutting down. Autopsy showed she died from complications from. Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. The autopsy told us it was spread through out her body. I was inconsolable, I just cried, how could this happen, she was only 23. She had a daughter who had just turned 3. What now? I still grieve, and cry and ask why.
Hi Tracey. Oh no. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing about Daria with us. How sudden and traumatic. And no closure either, it sounds like. No wonder you feel as you do. Daria, do you have anyone where you are that you can share freely with – without fear of judgment? Please feel free to share here anytime. We’re here to encourage and help, if we can. Blessings to you…
I remember often thinking maybe I will wake up and realize it was all a very very bad dream. After four years, still have those thoughts every once in a while. But I am thankful that one day I will wake up in Heaven and my hubby will be there.
Hi Miriam. Thank you for sharing with us. I’m so sorry. Yes, we look forward to the reunion. It’s going to be really something. In the meantime, we trudge on, living and loving as best we can. Please feel free to share here anytime. Blessings to you…
Thank you for this . Please continue to send more.
Hi Shirley. Thanks for your encouragement. We’ll keep sending! Blessings…
How true this is and it doesn’t seem to get easier. The tears keep coming at the smallest memory. The loss is unbearable.
Hi Pamela. Yes. Triggers are everywhere. They can hit anytime, anywhere. Please be kind to yourself on this intense roller coaster. Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you, Pamela.
It has been 4 years and I still become paralyzed at times with the grief. A song, a thought, someone looks like him, has on a shirt like he had, drives a truck like he had, and it hits wherever I am, the tears begin and. I cannot stop them. You walk through the grocery store with tears streaming, and cannot answer when people offer comfort. As I type this, again, they are flowing so badly I can hardly see. My health has deteriorated, my desire to do the things we once did is gone. No fun with out him to share those things with, and because of the deterioration of my health unable to do much. I have a church family andfirce myself to attend church functions, but would rather stay home. Children encourage me to be active socially and come get me and take me places with them,mi go, sometimes, but my heart is not in it.
I have been through 4 different grief counseling groups. And the last time I was ministering to the newcomers. That was rewarding, but I had to put a distance between us, I do not want people to get too close to me. Which is unusual, I was always a people person and encouraged close relationships. Prayerfully I will over one this. Do not like things about this new personality that has taken over me.
Thank you Gary for your commitment to helping those who are grieving
God bless you
Hi Betty. Thanks for sharing this. Goodness, what a jounrey you’ve had – and are having. I’m praying for you now. Please continue to share with us. Blessings to you today.
I am still stunned after almost 3 years. I could scream. I cry a lot. I need help.
HI Gayleen. Yes, there is no time limit on the grief or the intensity of it. It can really whack us – at anytime. Please keep being patient with yourself, Gayleen. Praying for you now…
My DAD passed away it will be 2 years in 17 days- 9/25/18. He was diagnosed with aggressive cancer and died in just 6 weeks, he never got to go home. Mom and I at his side the whole time. I fed him, bathed him, helped him with all he could no longer do. Guess with medical background that comes somewhat naturally. My Mom in a daze, still to a degree- married almost 51 years. I felt honored to care for my Dad, as he once did me when I was a baby/child. Kinda morbid memories, but memories I have, and some where good ones, even when we knew he was probably not going to survive. I am at a weird place with my grief. In a sense life has moved on, but it is different and I miss my Dad even if I am a 50 yo “little girl”. I do not want to forget him, so hang on to those last 6 weeks memories. Comforting to know he is no longer suffering, healthy and having a great time in Heaven, but I still miss him, greatly. I do see now though he lives here on earth thru me, helping my Mom around the house with things my Dad taught me growing up. I feel he is still a part of me, and part of him resides in my heart- as also a part of me and Mom still reside in his heart in Heaven. I always knew being an only child and a girl, losing my Dad would be horrible, but I never imagined the grief never really ends, the missing them is intense always. U learn how to deal with it, but yes grief is just the inverse of intense love. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Listening is so helpful, after awhile no one wants to listen anymore and expects u will just get over it. Well that’s incorrect. Kim Chatman- Macon Ga
HI Kim. Thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry about your dad. I have five daughters, and there is something about that dad-daughter relationship. And, as an only child, even more so. What a huge loss. No wonder it has rocked your world. Feel free to ramble here anytime. We’re here to listen, and support however we can. And you’re right. We never get over a person. Impossible. We just try to go on with a hole in our hearts. Blessings to you, Kim.
Some people call it being depressed. I call it missing my daughter.
HI Margie. Good point. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell the difference. In any case, some depression is normal in heavy losses. Very common. How could we not be sad, torn up, even devastated? Please continue to share here as you wish. We’re listening! Blessings to you…