Last week I received word that one of my books, Teen Grief: Caring for the Grieving Teenage Heart, was the winner of a 2018 Book Excellence Award.
As I read the email, I sat there for a moment, stunned. Then, I sighed. Tears came into my eyes.
Somebody noticed. Someone had taken pain, suffering, and grief seriously. A committee of people that I don’t know decided that how teens are impacted by and deal with loss, death, and disaster matters. I choose to think that hearts were touched, and that Teen Grief being honored in this way is the result.
The Book Excellence Award team decided to throw a spotlight on us and our struggles. Granted, we aren’t teens anymore, but I think you know what I mean. Grief was recognized. That’s huge.
As grieving people, we often feel invisible. No one seems to understand. Few appear to care. Everyone is eager for us to be better and get back to our old selves again.
But that’s not going to happen. Our world has changed. Our hearts have been hit. We’re different now. We’re traveling a road that few are willing to join us on. At best, even helpful people only step in and out of our pathway as they wish. For us, however, this new road is our life.
Loss can be painful, but we can still be encouraged
So, I’m encouraged, and thankful. Here are 3 reasons why…
#1 Grieving and its difficulties are being recognized and appreciated more and more.
Grief is in the spotlight, at least for a little while. Perhaps as we keep talking, the message that it’s okay to hurt, struggle, and grieve will spread. Maybe as we keep serving, even while hurting, others will sense that emotional pain can be experienced, processed in healthy ways, and used for good somehow.
#2 As we grieve well, others will follow.
We all experience loss, yet so few grieve in healthy ways that lead to healing and hope. Yes, I know the world doesn’t exactly cry with us, enter our mess, or support our broken hearts. Yet, I can’t help but believe that – as each one of us reading this chooses to grieve with honesty, respect, integrity, and compassion – that more will join us. As we model good grieving, others will notice. I believe they will follow. The impact will be natural and lasting. The healing and good experienced over time will be staggering.
#3 Hope is always present, though pain can blind us to it.
Yes, I’m an optimist. Ironically, pain has taught me to be one. I’ve learned to dig deep and find hope even when it appears that none exists. Hope is always present, but the pain of loss can often blind us to it.
Enough musing. Go figure. All that from a book award.
My message today is basically this: Be encouraged. Love and compassion are out there. I know this is true because (picture me pointing at your heart) love and compassion are in there.
Together, we can do this. One moment, one step at a time.
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your grief journey. It’s truly an honor.
In celebration of Teen Grief’s selection as a 2018 Book Excellence Award Winner, we’re offering autographed copies at 40% off through July 20. Click here and grab yours. Grab some for others you know (parents, teachers, coaches, school counselors and administrators, church staff, youth workers).
In addition, I’m throwing in a FREE (yes, free) copy of Saying Goodbye: Facing the Loss of a Loved One in each Teen Grief order during this special sale. Please read this brief, beautifully illustrated gift book and then give it away. Reach out and make that little gesture that can mean so much.
I feel it. Together, we’re making a difference already!
If you’re new to my site, thanks so much for stopping in. I hope you’ll stay awhile and see what’s here. Chances are, like the rest of us, you’re hurting or know someone who is. I’m here to help. Please check out the free gifts I’ve prepared for you. You are not alone.
What a beautiful message on grief…As you said, we are starting to have the conversation and recognize everybody experiences it. The title of your book touched my heart, as I lost my beloved father when I was 12 years old. He has been my inspiration in helping others
through their own journey. I am sure your book will help many souls!
Hi Ligia. Thank you for commenting. And thank you for your encouragement. It means more than you know. If I can ever serve you in any way, Ligia, please let me know. Blessings…
Dear Gary, thankyou for all your help and encouragement you give. I love getting your emails.I just wondered if I could ask you for your advice please?
My Dad has had his 3rd stroke 2 weeks ago, he has vascular dementia and is in hospital. It doesnt look like he can go home again but will probably need a care home. He turned 90 a week ago! I feel so sad. I know hes a good age and hes had a good life and all that but I still feel very sad. Hes been a very difficult man, he had an awful temper when I was growing up and we had quite a troubled childhood. My older sister who I adored became an alcoholic and sadly died 3 years ago. She was 56. It absolutely broke my heart. It often seemed as though she was so troubled as a result of our childhood. I went through counselling to help come to terms with my past. So my feelings are a bit mixed up. I carry hurt from my past but I love my Dad.
Is it so wrong to forgive him when I believe my beloved sister was so damaged by his temper/behavioural problems? There was no doubt my Dad adored my sister and was completely heartbroken when she died. He loved all of us. But hes made my step-mums life miserable for the past 30 yrs.
I would really welcome your advice
Thankyou
Caroline Davis
Hi Caroline. Thank you for sharing with me. I’m so sorry about all this. What a complicated and difficult situation. Yes, that’s the case with many of our families. It’s hard to know what to do and how. Instead of asking yourself, “What’s the right thing to do,” ask instead, “What’s the most loving thing I can do?” This is what is most healthy for your own heart. Having said that, you might consider writing a series of letters to your dad – expressing things that perhaps you can’t say to him at this point. Write it out – over and over if necessary. Express the hurt, and give those wounds some air. And every time you feel conflicted, it’s a signal that you need to write or talk a little more about this. And then there’s forgiveness. Forgive, and forgive, and forgive again. This is not for your dad – but for you. If I can help in any way, please let me know.
Congratulations on your award! You truly deserve it.
Thank you!
My husband passed way 10 years ago this December, my mom passed away 1 month later. I’m having a real problem with my faith since then. I’ve prayed and read books, my bible and talked with my Pastor but I keep grieving over the shocked, sudden death of the man I knew since we were very young. Neighborhood friends, elementry, middle school classmates, high school sweethearts, married 33 years and 2 months before he closed his eyes forever. He was the “love of my life”. Came from two different backgrounds but God saw fit to bring us together! Need prayer!
Hi Nora. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your parents. Oh my. Yes, that would rock anyone’s world. And yes, loss affects our relationship with God. Death and grief can shake our faith and cause us to ask questions we didn’t even think about before. This is normal and natural. God knows what you’re thinking, and He feels what you feel. He is closer than you know. He welcomes your questions – much as we would welcome questions from our own children. Let it out with Him. This hurts. He knows. He feels it with you. He is the best grief companion imaginable. He walks with us in our pain. I’m praying for you now. And please, feel free to reach out here anytime, Nora.
As always, I find so much comfort in your beautiful and encouraging words. I lost my husband in October of 2017, and I wondered why I had good days and bad days. Then, I found you and read many books and took one of your online courses. You helped me to see my grief for what is was and to feel okay with giving into the grief and the upheaval of emotions. Thank you, Gary. You are doing wonderful work. Warmly,
Susan
Hi Susan. Thank you for that kind and heartfelt encouragement. It means a lot to me. Comments like yours keep my service fires burning and keep me going. Thank you!
Congratulations on your award. You deserve it. Thanks for walking with us through the valley of the shadow of death. I agree that very few are willing or able to walk with us. Sometimes I feel very alone, even with others who have experienced their own losses. You get it. God bless you.
Hi Sherry. Thanks so much for this. I’m so honored to be able to do what I can. And so glad we’re in this together. Thanks again, Sherry. I really appreciate your support!