When we lose someone we love, our world is upended. Our hearts shake. We’re stunned. Our lives changed in an instant. Dealing with all the changes loss and grief bring is hard work.

 

From the Grieving Heart:

I miss you. Badly.

I have one of your voicemails saved. I find myself listening to it over and over. I can’t believe you’re gone.

How did this happen? Why? Why you?

I keep asking the same questions. My mind runs around the same track, again and again. I feel like I’m going in circles.

And yet, I’m going nowhere. I’m barely moving at all. I go from thing to thing, person to person, without seeing anything. I’m a shadow, flitting in and out of what the rest of the world calls “normal life.” 

What’s normal now? Nothing. Everything has changed. I don’t like this world anymore because you’re not in it. 

Can you hear me? Where are you?

I look around. It seems like the same world, but it’s not. Far from it. 

I’m a ball of emotion. Sad. Angry. Frustrated. Confused. Sometimes it’s hard to tell one emotion from another. I feel hijacked, like I’ve been kidnapped and taken to some alternate reality. 

Surreal. That’s the word I was looking for. 

 

Things are different now

Someone we love is missing. Life is different. We’re different. The change involved can be staggering. Giving ourselves permission to grieve can be difficult. Here are 5 quick truths that can help.

 

Truth #1: Loss can thrust us into survival mode, and that’s okay.

Our hearts are broken. We’ve taken a massive hit, and our minds are in survival mode. The unbelievable has happened. The unthinkable has taken place. No wonder we’re spinning.

It’s like we’ve been hit by a bus. We might be in the Grief ICU for quite a while, and that’s okay.

 

Truth #2: Even though they’re gone, we look for them, and that’s okay.

Our souls grapple to understand this new reality of a world without someone we love. We will always deny what we are not prepared to accept, and we’re certainly not ready to accept life without them yet. Even though they’re gone, their place in our hearts remains secure. We look for them. We listen for their voice. We try to keep them close any way we can. Pictures. Videos. Texts. Voicemails. Letters. Our search is part of love in action.

We look for them. We long for them. And that’s okay.

 

Truth #3: Life can seem weird or surreal, and that’s okay. 

Each morning we expect to wake in the same world as yesterday. After a loss, this illusion is shattered. We live in a different place now, one without our loved one. Everything seems off, strange, weird. Life is surreal. And that’s okay.

 

Truth #4: Grief emotions are challenging, and that’s okay.

Navigating all these emotions and changes can seem about as doable as a solo swim of the Pacific. This is no longer the same world. Not for us. We did not ask for or want this change. Loss invaded, and then grief moved in.

Sadness, anger, confusion, frustration, anxiety, fear, and depression become persistent visitors forcefully tap dancing on our hearts. Managing their intensity and expressing them in healthy ways is an ongoing challenge. And that’s okay.

 

Truth #5: We often ask the same questions, over and over, and that’s okay.

Yes, things are surreal. No, nothing is quite as it was. Our loved ones mattered. Their departure is shaking our universe. Questions surge forth from deep within us.

How can this be? Why them? Why that way? Why now? Why us? Why?

Our minds will spin. Emotions will hijack us. Our hearts will ask repetitive questions. Our souls will search for answers. We are feeling our loved ones’ absence. And that’s okay.

 

We’re not crazy. We’re grieving.

Knowing that it’s okay to struggle, to hurt, and to grieve can make a huge difference. This is part of being kind to ourselves and patient with ourselves. We’re not crazy. Our hearts have been broken.

We hang on, breathe deeply, and grieve as best we can.

 

Affirmation:

Life is surreal. I’m trying to make sense of things. This will take time. And that’s okay.

 

Adapted from the newly released Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. You can download a free excerpt today.

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