The world often fails to take grieving hearts seriously. As a result, we often feel misunderstood, judged, or even abandoned.
Sadly, we sometimes walk away thinking that we’re the problem, that our grief is misplaced, and that we should somehow be over this by now.
Yeah, right.
We must learn to take our own broken hearts seriously. Our grief matters.
What would we want to say to others, if we could? Perhaps something like the following…
From the Grieving Heart
I’m hurting. Something traumatic has occurred. Someone I love is gone, and they’re not coming back.
I don’t know how to do this. It’s like I’ve been hit by a bus, and I’m lying flat in the middle of the road, watching the sky go by.
The world speeds on, oblivious to my loss. I watch but can’t seem to enter in. It’s as if someone pushed the pause button on my life. My world has suddenly changed, forever.
I’m stunned. I’m hurting. My heart is crushed. Grief can be heavy.
And yet, I can’t fully accept it somehow. This can’t be real.
I know this is confusing for you. It’s confusing for me also. You’re probably wondering what to say or what to do.
You can come sit beside me, if you want. You don’t have to say much. In fact, you don’t have to say anything at all. Your presence is worth all the words in the world right now.
I probably won’t say much either. Don’t expect much out of me. I won’t be myself for a while. In fact, I may never be the same again. This is something we’ll both have to grapple with, but now isn’t the time for that.
Sometimes all I can do is lie here and breathe. I won’t be here forever, but it’s where I am today.
This is hard. It hurts.
Please be patient with me. I’m grieving.
Grief hurts
Losing a loved one is painful and traumatic. We can lose them in an instant, or we can lose them over time. Some losses can wound the soul and crush the heart. Our “normal” is gone.
This is devastating. Somehow, we must learn to be kind to ourselves. Patience, both with ourselves and others, has become a necessary survival skill. Our wounded hearts can heal, but we will never be the same.
We must take our own grieving hearts seriously.
Adapted from the award-winning bestseller, Please Be Patient, I’m Grieving: How to Care For and Support the Grieving Heart.
Question: Did any part of the “From the Grieving Heart” resonate with you? How so?
I lost my only child at 32 to an accidental overdose. Reading Susan’s comments was like a carbon copy of what happened with my son. I lost Rob on 8/27/14. I am the one who found him dead. I can never erase that image from my mind’s eye. I will never be the woman I was before his death. It has only been through the support of my husband, family and friends, my spiritual faith and intensive one on one grief counseling that I have been able to survive this. Yes I am forever changed. Yes I wish this never happened, but it did. But I go on because life is meant to be lived and I will be reunited with my son again one day.
Hi Mary. I’m so, so sorry about your son. Thank you for sharing him with us. And I’m so thankful for your faith. Well done and well said. He gets us through, somehow, some way. He loves you more than you can ever know. We look forward to the Grand Reunion ahead…
It was perfect this is just was what I was telling myself as I lay here in bed this morning
It help to have have it put so eloquently !
Hi MaryAnn. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad it connected! Glad we’re in this together!
I have not read the book yet. Just found out about you through a friend.
I lost my Dad a year ago. I have fought to save my Moms life. She never had depression but after my Dad passed away she totally lost it.
We tried everything but with no luck.
My Mom took her life. I found her. Not a pretty site to say the least.
I am mad but trying to keep it all together.
My family is supper tough. They want me back full force. I am trying but this has rocked my world. I will get the books and try to be normal again
Hi Cheryl. Oh no. I’m so sorry. Losses like this change everything in life – especially us. If there’s anything I can do, please reach out. And you have the trauma of having found her on top of everything else. Breathe deeply. Take your time. Be patient with yourself. This is will be an up and down process. Thank you for sharing!
Sometimes I think that I will explode and lose my temper when someone tells me I need to get out and socialize more and I will get over it more quickly. I hurt just as much if I am in a crowd or if someone comes to visit me. When I have to go out in public or someone is in my home, I can’t wait until they leave, as all of the conversations make my head & heart ache. I want them to leave so I can have a good, cleansing cry and be alone with my thoughts. We were not social when he was ; I have been a loner my entire 64 years – why would it be any different now? We were together 24/7 – I ache and miss him 24/7. I AM NOT LONELY, I just miss my husband!
Hi Annie. Thanks for sharing. Well said. Yes, the pain remains, doesn’t it? I know you miss him so, so badly. Love is like that. It endures. If I can ever help, please let me know. Blessings to you…
You have spoken thee exact words I’ve been trying so hard to find for the past 8 1/2 years. I am 37. Dad passed August 12, 2009. My best friend, Father, My other half. I’ve lost myself and I’m now a wandering spirit with repetitive stories/memories of what was. This is thee worst thing to happen in life, is when pain, suffering and loss takes loved ones from us and us from them. I have no words of encouragement. I knew there was someone, like yourself, who would be able to put words and feelings into perspective. Thank you xo
Hi Jinny. I’m so sorry about your dad. What a huge, massive loss – one that affects everything and changes everything. If I can ever help in any way, please feel free to write. I’m hoping you find comfort and encouragement. We love so intensely and deeply – so I guess it’s not surprising we grieve that way too.
This is all so true. It hurts, it is painful and traumatic. People don’t realize how painful it is. What is my new normal. I don’t don’t what to do.
This can’t be real, doesn’t seem like he is gone, my heart is crushed and I feel so alone.
HI Gaylene. Thank you for sharing. It’s hard to know what the new normal is. We’ve never been here before, and it takes time to adjust and discover which end is up. And yes, it’s like their presence lingers. How can they be gone? I’m so sorry. Keep being patient with yourself in this.
Yes Gary…all the above..I lost my 40 year old Son to an “accidental overdose.” It will be 3 years on Jan 28th. I have forever changed…I still cry everyday for my Son. He was a good Son that got caught up in a world that I believe he had really no idea about. Yes, he was an adult but he got involved with a woman 10 years younger than him that was heavily in drugs. He thought this woman loved him…she took everything from him. He would not bring her to our Home and I knew something was not right. He lost his home, retirement and a good job because of her. He had graduated college with two degrees and worked two jobs to help support his income. He was so vulnerable when it came to her. But I knew she was not the right person for him…She had two children that lived with other family members because of her addictions…I ask myself over and over Why? Why did he have to get involve with her?? There is so much more I can’t even get into it. But when he passed away, it changed me. I think of him all the time. He had a heart that was so big…I think he thought he could help her get her children back, but then he became involved with the drug. I didn’t see a change in him until eight months before he passed away. (losing weight,distancing himself from family.) My heart is crushed. I worry about people thinking he was a bad person because of the drug…He was not a bad person. I have never discussed anything about him with my friends about the drug part…I cannot. It hurts too much. I dont want people to judge him. The grief is overwhelming still at times. I look at his picture sometimes and can’t hardly believe he is gone and ask myself why did he have to get so involved with this other person that he let it ultimately take him from us? His family. I cannot talk to friends but I can talk to God. My faith helps me in a lot of ways. I pray alot about it. The loss will always be with me. Maybe someday I can talk to my friends about this but for now I cannot. It is like I still want to protect him even though he was an adult. He was my first child.
HI Susan. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry. Of course, you want to protect him. That’s perhaps our strongest parental instinct. And yes, the grief can be overwhelming. Please continue to take things one step at a time. One day at a time. One moment at a time. We will always grieve on some level in some way. Be kind to yourself as you mourn. Blessings to you…
Thank you, Gary. Monday is the first anniversary. This is so hard.
I know you will keep us in prayer.
Hi Carolyn. How did it go? Those dates can be so hard. Thank you for sharing!
?
I lost my husband 4 years ago and then this past Thanksgiving I lost my dad, the two most important men in my life.
Oh Cookie, I’m so sorry. If I can help in any way, please let me know.
Yes every one of them. One year ago it hurt so bad I didn’t know if I could make it through. Now a year later it still hurts but not as deeply. People say you are so strong. Did I have a choice in some ways no but we do have the choice to keep going. I’ll never be the same and people don’t understand how can they if they haven’t been through grieve so bad it crushes you all I do know is I don’t know how you will keep going without a Savior. Jesus never leaves me or forsakes me. God will use all the pain for His glory. He does give beauty for our ashes. I believe it and eagerly anticipate it one step at a time.
Hi Gaydee. Thank you for sharing. Beautifully said. We trust. We look forward. We lean a little more into eternity. And we trust that we will still experience the goodness of the Lord in the land of living. Yes, one step at a time. If I can ever help in any way, please give me a shout.
When I read, “Our wounded hearts can heal, but we will never be the same,” it struck a cord with me. My beloved daughter Alison is gone almost seven years, and yet it seems like yesterday. I watch her boys grow, longing for her even if they don’t realize it. They have a hole in their little eight and nine year old hearts, a hole that can never be filled with anyone else. As I put the Christmas decorations away this year (in the middle of a blizzard), my mind kept returning to the days when she was with me and how much she loved Christmas. It was a daunting task, completed with tears in my eyes.
No, we will never be the same.
Kathy Feeny
Hi Kathy. I’m so sorry about Alison. And thank you so much for sharing this. I’m glad we’re in this together. If I can ever do anything for you, please reach out. Blessings to you…
My husband died Christmas Day 2013, unexpectively. It is still difficult, I️ still hurt and the season is hard even with loving family all around. Thank you for your wonderful words, they comfort and make me know I️ am not alone.
HI Marie. I’m so sorry about your husband. Yes, it is still hard. On some level, we always grieve, I think. Thank you for sharing!