Recently, I had the honor of speaking at Hospice Brazos Valley’s Celebration of Life service. Over 200 people came, some with pictures in hand, to pay tribute to and honor loved ones who died over the last year. As I looked out at this sea of faces, I could see the grief on their shoulders and in their eyes. As one attendee put it, “I’m alive, but heartbroken. I’ll never be the same.”
No, we’ll never be the same.
I began with, “I’m so glad you’re here. And I’m so sorry. Tonight we’re here to remember, to love, and to honor those we’ve lost. You’re here because you loved them, and you love them still.”
I went on to share five things they could do to remember, honor, and celebrate their loved one. I would like to share these with you today in the hope that it will be comforting and encouraging to you.
“We will speak their name.”
Names are powerful. Just a few letters can mean so much.
Say their name out loud. See their face. Picture their smile. Speak their name.
“We will tell their stories.”
We tell the stories – precious memories no one and nothing can take from us. We might cry, smile, laugh, perhaps sob, or go silent, but we tell the stories. And as we tell the stories, we see them. We remember. Telling their story is part of loving them, and part of taking our own broken hearts seriously.
“We will live their legacy.”
What was important to them? What was their life about? Don’t be fooled, for in many ways, they are not gone. They are a part of you. Their interactions with you, influence upon you, and their love for you deeply affected you and contributed to who you have become. They may not be here physically, but they are far from gone.
Let something that was important to them be important to you. Continue the cause. Serve in their stead. Give. Live their legacy.
“We will honor them on special days.”
Our calendars are littered with special times – birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and many more. How can you remember and express love for them on these days? Light a candle. Gather and share memories. Write them a letter or card. Set up an empty chair. Be creative.
Don’t simply dread these times and let them hijack you. Make a simple plan. Honor them on special days.
“We will love them by taking care of ourselves.”
A wonderful way to honor your loved one and love those around you is to take the best care of yourself possible. Let this rise to number one on your priority list.
Grief is draining and demanding. Honor them by taking care of you.
We speak their name. We tell their stories. We live their legacy. We honor them on special days. We love them by taking care of ourselves.
We do this because we loved them. We love them still.
What about you? Of the five suggestions above, which one resonates with you the most? Why?
This article has been extremely moving on many different levels and reinforces the importance of support for grieving families and for community education.
For grieving grandparents, parents and siblings The Compassionate Friends (TCF) provides support to help people build their emotional and mental strength. We do this through highly trained volunteers, who draw on their own lived experience of being a bereaved parent, grandparent or brother/sister. It does not how the age of the child or how the child died. In fact we have parents whose child died at aged 55 and the average is around 24, but of course there are many parents who have lost babies and young children.) We are about support, friendship and understanding. You are most welcome to ring on our national phone line 1300 064 068. Or, contact me direct on (03) 9888 4034 and I will ensure you are connected to the right area.
Hi John. Thanks for sharing, and I hope many notice and read this. Thank you for you and The Compassionate Friends for all you do and all the ways you help grieving hearts. Blessings to you!
Thanks for posting this, Gary. I had a surprisingly hard time finding information online regarding the power of using our loved one’s name after they are gone. In May, I lost our daughter, Hollis Olivia, to an extremely rare and fatal genetic disorder, six days after she was born. As her mom, I had fully expected to hear her name every day for the rest of my life. Now, I find that it’s hard for people to say it, and it’s crushing to me. I love her name! And it’s a reminder that she was alive. She (still) has a room and a closet full of clothes. She was person in my arms. Her name is so powerful to me, and my heart flutters when I hear people say it.
Hi Hilarie. Thank you for sharing. Hollis Olivia. What a beautiful name. Hollis Olivia. Thank you for sharing her with us. We’re honored. Hollis Olivia. Say it often. Very often. If I can ever help in any way, please reach out. Blessings to you…
HI Hilary,
My organisation The Compassionate Friends provides support to bereaved parents when a child has died at any age or any cause. (One of my staff member’s daughter died from a very rare disease at aged two.) Our difference is that support is proved by trained volunteers who have lived through what you are going through. You are more than welcome to contact us on 1300 064 068 (your call will be answered in your state) or contact me direct.
HI John. Thanks for sharing this. The Compassionate Friends is such a wonderful group and continues to help so many. Thank you for all you do! If I can ever be of any assistance, please let me know. Blessings…
Just reading all the comments has helped me a lot. I hope to find one of your books. Thanks an Gods Blessings be with you
Hi Ruth. Thanks for commenting. If there’s any way I can help you, please feel free to reach out any time. Blessings to you.
Today- Oct.25th is my 49th birthday and I feel more like mourning it than celebrating it. My husband passed away 3 years ago and he always made my birthday feel special. I feel so lonely and lost without him! We had just had our 23rd anniversary the month before he passed. He was my best friend & only friend. I still don’t know why he was taken and I’m still here.
Hi Ruth. I’m so sorry about your husband. Your love for him is so clear and evident. Yes, that loss changes everything – and loneliness is a huge result. If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Gary – Loved the article above so resonates with me. Since our daughters ascent into Heaven I’ve just been blessed with a gift of devotional writings that I kind of knew that God had given me but now there’s a flow that seems to be flourishing within. So grateful for His Presence and how He has carried us over the past 9 months. God bless Ronnie and Diane
Hi Ronnie and Diane. Thanks for commenting, and I’m excited about the devotional writings! Please keep me posted. Yes, He carried us, and will continue to do so. Please feel free to reach out and connect any time. Blessings to you…
At the moment honoring our love ones on special occasions is extremely painful as my children dont acknowledge my husband or acknowledge me and it hurts like hell and I don’t see it changing. I don’t understand it .It’s like being punished or forgotten but why what have I done?
Hi Elizabeth. I’m so sorry. As if the loss isn’t painful enough, our relationships change and collateral losses begin to pile up. I can hear the pain in your words. If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. Again, I’m so sorry. Elizabeth.
the only one I can possibly try to do…would be to take care of myself. The others….I can’t speak the name….no one wants to hear…I can’t tell the stories, or carry on a legacy because no one is listening…or wants to… No one ever asks… no one even wants to know how I’m doing….it’s like having a terminal disease….people stay at least one arms length away, to make sure they don’t “catch” it….
Hi Donna. Thanks for sharing. You’re not alone in these feelings. So many of us feel outcast, rejected, and abandoned by those around us. I’m so sorry. Do what you can – take care of yourself. I’ll be praying that opportunities to do the others surface over time. If I can help in any way, please give me a shout. Blessings to you…
This is true …everyone was here …now no one cares …no one calls ..visits …even my grandkids of my deceased daughter don’t come or call ..its like 3 people died
We will speak their name is still very hard for my husband and myself. We don’t even talk about her just keeping our broken hearts on the inside. I do call her name out loud when he’s not home and cry saying her name at night. God is disappointed in me so please pray for me even though it’s a very selfish thing to ask. Please pray for him too.
Hi Virginia. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. It can be so painful. You will speak her name more and more as time goes on. Sometimes, it hurts so bad we just can’t get it out. I will be praying for you, and please keep me posted, as you wish. Feel free to email any time. Blessings….
The most powerful of the five to me would be saying his name. It seems like he is still real
Thanks for sharing. Yes, it’s amazing how powerful a name is – especially spoken out loud. Blessings to you…
And those who aren’t grieving need to be comfortable in allowing the one who grieves the opportunity to do the five things listed above.
Thank you for sharing this! You are so right!!
Speak their name! I love to speak my husband, Iggy’s, name and I love hearing it from others. When we say Iggy, it is usually a story or memory about him, so in essence we are doing 2 of the 5 things to honor and remember him!
Hi Darlene. Way to go! Keep it up! I love that name…Iggy. Thanks for sharing, and please let me know if I can ever help. Blessings to you…
Gary, Wow…. of everything I’ve read that you’ve written, this article hit home the most. My dad’s wife died in June 2013, and my husband died unexpectedly a month later (and my mother died when I was 18). About a year after my husband died, I moved from NY to NC to be with my dad. The time we’ve spent together has truly been the silver lining in this whole mess. However, one of the hardest things about living in NC is that no one knew my husband so no one talks about him. When I go back to NY to visit, or talk to my friends on the phone, it’s extra special because they speak his name and tell his stories. It’s like I get a visit with my husband as well as my friends. Thank you for all you do.
Hi Marti. Thank you for sharing, and for your encouragement. You have a pile of close losses, and painful ones. Please continue to be patient with yourself and kind to yourself along the way. Speak his name…and keep speaking it. If I can ever help in any way, please let me know. Blessings…
Thank you. The second anniversary of my daughter’s death is coming up and I feel so drained and sad. I know she would want me to take care of myself. It’s hard but I’m working on it.
Hi Faith. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your daughter. And those anniversaries can be so hard. No wonder you’re exhausted and drained. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Blessings to you…
Honoring them on special days. It’s not always easy to find, but I still buy cards for my husband. Depending on the day, I might also get flowers. Yellow roses to be specific. The flowers we had at our wedding. I speak his name, but usually to myself. I don’t really have anyone around to say it to,or to tell stories to. As far as taking care of myself goes, I’m not sure I really care. I’ll go to my doc appointments. I’ll take my meds when I remember, which isn’t too often any more. I’ll eat, when I feel like it. I just don’t think I have enough of whatever it takes to fight any more. He was my everything and now pretty much everything is gone.
Hi Barb. Thank you for sharing. I like your ideas for honoring him on special days. I’ve always liked yellow roses, too. I know it can be so lonely…and especially in your situation. Thank you for keeping on…for holding on…even when it feels like there’s nothing left to hold on to. I’m praying for you, confident that somehow things will change for you in the days ahead. Blessings to you, Barb…
I miss talking about my beloved Bob. I want people to tell stories and say his name.
Hi Vickie. I’m so sorry about Bob. Speak his name. Tell those stories. You love him still. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Blessings to you, Vickie…
I talk about Harley a lot. There are so many things that remind me of him that it’s almost impossible not to.
HI Elizabeth. Good! That’s wonderful! I’m glad…keep it up! And thanks for sharing…
Gee Gary,all 5 resonates with me, can’t pick one in particular. My Brandy touches me in so many ways, she’s in my ❤, soul and mind all the time.She sends me signs all the time to help me.I am raising her 14yr old son that looks just like his Mom and has a good heart like her. BiTTERSWEET?
Hi Sandy. Thanks for sharing. Brandy…what a lovely name. I’m glad you have her son…what a blessing he must be. Please give me a shout if I can ever help you in any way. Blessings…
These are all good suggestions. Tell their story comes the easiest to me. I used to tell my husband’s stories even when he was alive. He had done so much, usually for other people. I was proud of him then, and am so proud of him now. I am writing his stories in a narrative so I will not forget them.
Hi Rita. Thanks for sharing. What a great idea! Write those stories! You’ll be glad you did…and so will a lot of other people! Blessings to you…
What instantly grabbed a portion of my brain while reading was “We will honor them on special days”. Grief has most surely hi-jacked every holiday, and special days that used to hold such joy. I know it’s normal and I have had a whole load of trauma thrown on me that no one is prepared to deal with. See it will be 3 years ago on Aug 20, 2017 that I pushed my way into my oldest son’s bedroom to find him with slit wrists and a cord wrapped several times around his neck. It takes what seems like an eternity for the brain to comprehend what it is seeing, but once it does, panic and sheer life altering devastation sets in quickly. My younger son followed into the nightmare upon hearing his mothers blood curdling screams. So now 2 of us have that horrific image to fight with. I willingly told anyone that I only lived to see that my younger son found healthy ways to process his grief and have a chance at a peaceful and happy life. It was a slow process of two people trying to protect the other and tiptoeing thru conversations like a minefield. He had some real struggles with the suicide of his big brother as did I, but he was doing it. Then 6am Jan 28, 2017 rolls around and the phone rings. When I see my ex’s number, the panic springs into my throat like a stuck hunk of steak, choking the oxygen from my lungs. I almost didn’t recognize his voice as it said, “It’s Jason, he was stabbed in the heart and dropped off at the ER. Honey,he didn’t make it”. It took all of 2 minutes on the floor in a screaming heap before shock took over. It knew good and well I could not process this information. But the ex crumbled under the weight of this event and I had to buck up and do my job. I had to mother my youngest son for the last time, and plan a funeral he wouldn’t completely hate. So in the short span of 2 1/2 years, I went from mother of two young men to a childless mother with no children on this earth. Every single thing I knew had changed in a split second. What ever was left of me from the first funeral, had just been snatched away without warning. Shock has still not completely left me, as it seems to know to let this reality in slowly and in small portions. Each one hitting as hard as the one before it. Justin was 28 when he suicided, Jason was 3 wks from being 28. He had told me that it didn’t bother him and he hadn’t even thought about it when I asked just 2 weeks before. Maybe he somehow knew he wouldn’t need to think about it. Well, now in my world, there will never be another Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and certainly no celebrations of birthdays. There is small private personal moments with this mother and her sons, but they are spent in a mausoleum of the cemetery where these brothers rest side by side. I had to now add the special dates of their departure from me and this earth. I can barely hold my breath through one occasion and begin to function before another one rolls up. I know that I cant continue to live like this, nor do I want to. Nor would they want me to, but how do you change it when it knocks you to your knees and wont let you up? I don’t know, but I need to commit my resources to finding the way. I want to honor my boys and celebrate the time I had the great privilege of being their mother. I just feel cheated. Cheated out of everything you want for that baby you create, grow so carefully inside you and then hold for the first time, promising him you will protect him from every bad thing in the world. But I failed. You will say no I did not fail. But my heart will never accept that. The fact is both my sons died before ever living their lives. Therefore I failed as their mother. The brain understands the truth, but the heart of a mother is a whole different beast. The heart of a mother can life a car off of her child. But this was not a car or any accident or even illness that took my sons. Mental illness, yes. Alcohol abuse, yes. But even a mother doesn’t know how to beat suicide and murder. Jason’s friend who stabbed him and killed him almost instantly was arrested for murder and later released on bond. The trial is set for one week from today. I don’t expect it to happen as there is always some or many hearings that postpone the trial. I fully expect no different for us, yet here we are 1 week away and as far as I know, its a go. How on earth can I do it? I don’t have a clue, but I know that I have to. I am his mother and I will stand there and hold hell back while showing nothing but strength, support, love and grace to the world. All while some defense lawyer attempts to sully my sons name. I cant imagine he has any chance of getting off and I fully expect a plea to end this traumatic anticipation I am holding. Then what? How do you find life after this? Tell me how can I find peace, hope, joy, a reason to keep trying. So I say this to you, not allowing every special occasion to be hi-jacked by my grief will be one step to the success or failure of my grief journey. Though I no longer care for the term journey because that implies that there is somewhere down the road an end to this journey. I resolve that there will never be an end. But I know that there can be some healing. Healing and resolution that would allow me to find value in the experience that took my life with theirs. It took my life and forgot to let me die. This began a new life, just not a easy one, not a fulfilling one. Not one with weddings and grandchildren or any of the things that should be sprinkled throughout my remaining years. It will be one of struggles and the heart-wrenching sharing of our story, and holding out my hand to those newly thrust onto the grief path. The most comforting moments I have found have been with another grieving mom who willingly stands with me in my darkness and can say, “I understand”. Those people were there for me and I will pay that forward and be there for those coming behind me. I do find more healing in knowing that I am that voice in the dark for someone else like has been there for me. It’s how I know I have made enormous progress. It is slow and agonizing but progress none the less. I am not strong, I have no choice. Thank you Gary for all your work with the broken souls of this world. You know in your own heart the value in it as I do too. Just Thank You!… I say my sons names every day…..Justin M Anderson (28) 5-27-86 to 8-20-2014, Suicide, and Jason A Anderson (27) 2-23-89 to 1-28-2017, Homicide. Beaumont, Tx. Volunteer and Co-admin for TCF-Loss to Suicide Closed Facebook Support Group(over 2000 members strong). I will be attending my first Compassionate Friends National Conference the end of July in Orlando and meeting for the first time, my 5 fellow co-admins. These women are closer to me than my family. Yet we have never met. I cant wait to hug these necks in life instead of sharing cyber hugs….. My angels speak to me and I hear them. They let me know in many ways that they are with me, they are also still boys and they haven’t changed personalities just because they went to heaven. They still love to mess with their mama, and chuckle when it irritates the hell out of me. As always, I eventually laugh along with them, and that feels so good to do. I cannot say it enough or any louder, Just Thank you!
Hi Donna. Thank you for sharing. Goodness, you have really been through it. Thank you for taking your heart seriously and grieving in healthy ways – and then using that grief to help others who are hurting. I’m so proud of you. Keep up the good work. If I can ever do anything for you or your TCF chapter, please let me know. Blessings to you!
My heart aches for you. I too am the mother of two boys although one was taken from me. My Justin died tragically on 2-15-15 at the age of 32. He was my baby. My oldest is 37, just 2 years older. The only thing that could possibly be worse than losing a child is to loose them both. My prayers are with you for strength to carry on. ❤️
Donna. Your comments were so well expressed. Thank you for having the strength to share them. You must do an amazing job with your closed grief group. I” so sorry for the loss of your son’s. When my daughter died I received a call from someone who had walked this walk of grief longer than I had. He said it helped him to do something to honor his loved ones memory. You surely are honoring your sons in what you are doing to help others.
I don’t know if you ever read Corrie Ten Booms The Hiding Place. She lost many in her family during the Holocaust. They lived in Holland and did much to help the Jewish people. As a child Corrie asked how they would be able to handle hard times. Her father said, Corrie, when we get on the train, when do I give you the train ticket? She answered, ” Right before I get on the train.” He replied, that is when God will give you the grace to go through a hard time, right when you need it. I am praying for you that God gives you the grace and strength in all. It sounds like he already has. Thank you again for sharing.
Thank you Gary for the article with very helpful ideas. My daughter’s name is Allison and there is not a day that we don’t think of her. We are trying to grieve in healthy ways by taking care of ourselves and working toward treat safety in Boston and other areas. May God bless you.
Hi Martha. I’m so sorry about Allison. Thank you for sharing her with me…and that you for your support and encouragement of others. Bless you for taking your grief “to the streets” and making it count. If there’s anything I can ever do for you, please shoot me an email. Blessings to you, Martha…
Your loss is so devastating, Donna! My heart aches for you. I’m praying for you right now as I type. Thank you for somehow managing to share that with the rest of us. People will read this blog for years to come, and Justin and Jason’s stories will resonate. Your own story will resonate.
Hilarie, thank you. Well said. You have a gift of encouragement. Keep using it! Blessings to you…
Great article as always Gary! I’ve spent the last 6 and 1/2 years seeing that my son’s memory lives on. We lost Jake, who was 24 years old, in a car accident on Dec. 11th, 2010. In spite of all our efforts it hit me one day that we won’t be around forever to see that Jake’s memory lives on so I sat down and started writing and self published a book! ‘Through the Laughter and the Tears: Surviving the Death of My Son’. The response from people has been awesome! Parents who lost a child relate to the grief and our efforts to overcome them. Parents who have not lost a child thank me for reminding them that moments end but memories last forever. But more important my goal to see that my son isremembered.
Thanks for all your great articles!
Hi Cindy. Thanks for sharing. And wonderful – about the book! Way to go! Thank you for being bold, speaking his name, and sharing his story. You’re honoring him more than you know. I know he would be, is, so proud of you. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Again, way to go!
I lost my little boy Ricky, Oct.2016. He was a little special needs fella with many problems. He had Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, blind,non-verbal, non-ambulatory,heart condition & respiratory illness with severe allergies.However, he was the sweetest & most lovable of all. Was always so appreciative of everything I did for him. He LOVED music, fish sandwiches” & Ellen Degeneres. Even tho he was blind, everyday at 4:00pm, I would turn on Ellen show & he would sat straight up & would listen & laugh at her every word! He spent most of his days rolling around in the floor of our huge family room, playing with all of his musical/light-up toys. He didn’t talk, but he would holler out at me, laugh all the time, & you never saw him without a smile. This is why I miss him so much! I took care of him at home for 38 years, 24/7, with my husband’s help in the evening when he got home from work. Our House was built & designed for HIM. It is a 3,500 sq.ft. ranch, with lots & lots of windows(hecould see the sunshine) & ramps at every door, handicap bathrooms with wheel-in showers, In-door swing(he loved to swing) & tracking through-out the house to help with his transfers. We even bought the new handicap Toyota van when it first came out, as he loved to ride all day & look out the window at the sun. Sometimes I would just ride & make the same turn all over town, just to keep the sun on his side! When he was born, 6/10/78, he weighed 5lbs. & was 18″, little tiny fella. He spent his first 8 months of his life at Kosairs Childrens Hospital. He had 2 surgeries on his heart, one on his lungs, & one on his stomach. They put in a gastronomy tube so he could be fed, as he could not suck a bottle & later he needed for all his liquids. He left this earth with it still there, which I kept him well hydrated & nourished everyday. We brought him home when he was 8 months old & I promised God that if he let Ricky live, I would live everyday for him. When he was 10, he was hospitalized for 5 days with Pneumonia, and that was the only time in the rest of his 38 years, he was ever hospitalized. We had many doctors appointments, every kind of therapy, tests, labs, & out-patient procedures. He was home schooled through our school system & he graduated in 1999, diploma, cap, gown, the whole works! He was very healthy & oh so happy, all the time. He loved everyone & was so loved by all. He was our life. In September he came down with some allergie symptoms, that he did often. However, this was one of his worst episodes. It became a sinus infection. I took him in to see his doctor & he put him on an antibiotic, but he only got worse. On September the 20th he was having some serious breathing problems. We immediately took him to the ER, and not only was he admitted he was placed on a ventilator & was put in Intensive Care.We never left him during his entire hospitalization. He remained on the vent for 19 days, under total sedation. Finally the doctors, his Pulmonary Doctor & his Cardiologist said that he had to come off the ventilator, because it was causing more harm to his heart. So, they tried weaning him off for the next 5 days & then they put a trache in him. 5 days later, they sent him home with the trache, continuous O2,& a humidifier that hooked to his trache. He came back home, hospital bed, tranche with two hoses attached & a feeding pump attached to his g-tube for continuous feedings. He could no longer get in the floor to play as he had for 30 some years, he could no longer play with his musical toys that he had played his entire life, & he could not have anything by mouth. His life & ours was completely changed.He could not sleep, as his bed had to be angled at a 30 degree, he could not hold his toys as he had to wear those big mittens to keep him from pulling off the hoses & or his trache, and he could no longer make any noises. We turned our family room into a mini hospital & we became his 24/7 “nurses”. He had to have a breathing treatment every 4 hours around the clock & had to be suctioned PRN. We slept in the room with him. I prayed & prayed to God to heal this baby so he could have his normal life back. Even tho his little world had changed so drastically he could still smile & wrap his little mittened hands around us. On the Night of October 23rd, he could not sleep. He was very, very restless. We tried everything, but he just wanted up & out of bed. So, after his 12am breathing treatment we got him up. We all three sat on the sofa with him & watched some old TV shows. He kept his little mittened hand on my leg & his other hand on his Dad’s. We talked to him & told him that hopefully in 2 weeks when he returns to his doctor, they may be able to plug his trache & he could play with his toys & maybe be able to eat by mouth again. He smiled just like he knew. At 4am, he was getting sleepy, so we did his breathing treatment & got him back in his bed & within minutes he had fallen asleep. I slept in a recliner beside his bed so I could hold his hand while he slept. Everything was peaceful, even the machines that ran continuously, didn’t seem as loud. At 7am, my husband got up to go to the restroom. He Stopped for a minute to check on Ricky, & he was gone. My baby had gone to heaven in his peaceful sleep. I never felt him leave. My husband woke me crying & said our precious Ricky was gone. My heart stopped, & could not breathe. I cried out, “No, No, Ricky please don’t leave Mommy” over & over. I immediately climbed into his bed & tried to weaken him & check for breathing, anything, I wanted him back, I needed him to wake up. My husband begged me to stop. Said he had already tried, but he was gone. My husband called 911 & I laid there holding my baby in my arms, begging God to take me with him. He needed me to take care of him. I can’t live without him. I cried & begged God. Will him minutes he Police, the Fireman, and the E.M.T.s were standing in my family room around him. I was begging them to save him. They tried, but he was gone. I begged, pleaded & cried for them not to take my baby from me, but after awhile, they picked me up from his bed & I collapsed on the floor. When I came to, they had placed my baby on the gurney to take. I got up & went to him. I kissed him, covered him in his favorite blanket & they took him. I cried to God to please, please take me. For days, I was in a complete fog. I really don’t remember what happened after that. My whole life is forever changed & the person that I was is forever gone. It will be 8 months on June 24 that he’s been gone. I am still struggling to get through each day. Want to continue to go on for him, to live for him, to honor him, but some days I still scream & cry & beg God to take me now so I can be with my baby. I am going to therapy, but I just am still having a hard time. Everyone says they know how I feel, but the truth is they don’t unless they have lost a child. I wish I could talk to another Mother who knows exactly how I feel. I hope that you get this message personally & that you may be able to send me back a message of something very encouraging. I really am struggling. Thank You. Rick’s Mom
Hello Frances. Thank you for sharing. Oh my, what a journey you have been on. I’m so, so sorry for all you have been through. Thank you for taking your heart seriously. Please continue to take care of yourself and be patient with yourself. This is so hard. And please reach out whenever you need or want to. I’m here to help. Blessings to you, Frances.
Frances, Thank you for caring for your precious son Rick and for sharing. The bond must be so great when you give such love and care for so long. I went to a Griefshare grief group attend private counseling to help with my grief. When you find the right group or counselor it can be a big help I found. May God bless you with a “grief friend”. I’m praying for you.
You are such a good mom, Frances. I am crying reading your post, and I can’t stop thinking about what a great mom you are. What a great dad your husband is! All the love and care you gave Ricky! What value you must’ve brought to his complicated (but clearly joyful) life. Though it was clearly traumatic, I tend to think that it was a beautiful thing for you to be right there with him when he passed.
Hi Hilarie. Thanks so much for supporting others. Thank you for your heart!!
Gary, these are great things for us to do as we grieve our loved ones. Taking care of ourselves is so important. It is crucial to moving on. The one that really resonates the most with me is Telling Their Story because it helps me remember their passion, their dreams, and what they learned in life that will help me, my children and my grandchildren. Thank you for your heartfelt truth.
Hospice volunteering is near to my heart. I was all set to help in my area a while ago, but life took a different turn. I hope to get back to it.
Hi Kathy. Thanks for sharing. Tell those stories…I know you do, and will. And thank you for using your grief to help others. Life does take turns, doesn’t it? Be kind to yourself. Blessings to you…
Speaking their names is very important to me. If no one talks about them, it’s like they never existed or everyone has forgotten them. I think most people believe it will upset me, or maybe it just upsets them. A lot of people think death is contagious. Sometimes people will change the subject when I mention a deceased love one. I’m sorry if it makes them uncomfortable, but I will continue to speak my loved ones name as long as I live. Thank you and God bless you Gary for all you do.
Hi Kay. Thanks for sharing. Good for you! Keep speaking those names. I will too. Thanks for your encouragement. Blessings to you…
I appreciate the help you offer. I had to get to a point in life to where I could accept heart healing. That time is now… thank you
Hi Tina. Thanks for sharing. Yes, we have to be ready to heal…or heal a little. So much of grief and healing is timing. If I can help, shout out – email, message, etc. Be kind to yourself…