Grief often gets physical.
“I have headaches. My back hurts. My stomach bothers me almost every day. I have dizzy spells. I think my body is falling apart,” Shirley shared.
Seemingly out of the blue, Shirley’s daughter Corinne was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. The treatment was severe enough that Corrine finally opted to go on hospice care. After six months with a good quality of life, Corinne died at home surrounded by her husband, her two daughters, and the rest of her loving family. She was 44.
“After Corinne’s death, I’ve been getting hit with one thing after another. I had tests done. Nothing. Then I wondered, could this be grief?” Shirley asked.
When grief gets physical
Many people experience new, exacerbated, or strange physical symptoms following the death of a loved one. When grief hits, it smacks our bodies too.
Grief is form of stress. As such, it naturally taxes our immune system and causes our bodies to work harder to maintain health. In the short term, we might be able to manage without too much distress. Over the long haul, however, grief can wear us down. All kinds of health issues can surface.
We can experience headaches, muscle aches, tightness in the chest, and neck pain. Some report chest pain, palpitations, or rapid heartbeat. Others complain of stomach pain, intestinal distress, bowel changes, heartburn, or nausea. Many experience air hunger (the feeling of not being able to get enough air), frequent colds, or persistent respiratory infections. The list goes on and on.
Our immune systems are suppressed. Our bodies are feeling our distress. We are more vulnerable physically.
Grief is not an illness like the common cold, where we can expect to recover and be as good as new in a few days. Grief is more like an extended battle or a demanding marathon. We must learn to pace ourselves and appreciate that our entire system is under duress.
Weathering this physically challenging storm is a long-term adventure. Taking ourselves and our bodies seriously is a key to grieving in a healing and healthy way.
The death of a loved one affects our whole person. Experiencing some grief-related physical symptoms is natural and common.
“I miss you so much it hurts, literally. Grief pounds me, body and soul.”
Some important reminders:
These almost go without saying, but making sure the following three things are in place in your life can make a radical difference in your ability to weather the grieving process well.
- Good nutrition (eating healthy and hydrating well)
- Adequate sleep (since grief is exhausting, you might need more than usual)
- Regular exercise (burns off emotion, releases endorphins, and bolsters the immune system)
Taking good care of yourself is one powerful way to love your loved one and honor his or her memory.
Adapted from the newly released bestseller, Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child. You can watch the Shattered videos here: Gary, Michelle
Photo Credit: ©photodune.net
My mom passed away 3 months ago and I feel so tired and mentally distracted to do anything. All day I keep thinking on all the things I didn’t get to do with her and also wondering of what caused her death (she dies in her sleep) and even though at that time we decided not to do an autopsy. it kills me know not to know why she left me so young. (she was only 59) Seems like i am constantly looking for an answer and I miss her every second of every day. We were super close and had so much left to do.
Hi Fatima. I’m so sorry about your mom. So young. And yes, that kind of situation creates all kinds of questions. It can be an emotional quagmire. No wonder you’re feeling as you are. And we keep experience more and more losses along the way – simply because they are no longer here. Ugh. Please feel free to reach out here any time. And thank you for sharing.
I can relate to exactly what you’re feeling. My mother passed away in her sleep on January 6, 2018. We too were very close. I have the same questions floating in my mind on repeat. I miss her so much. I’m getting myself physically evaluated as we speak, due to this horrible grief I’m feeling from her death.
Hi Recquell. I’m so sorry about your mom. How tragic and painful. Yes, those questions float around and keep coming back. I hope the physical check up goes well. Please be as kind to yourself as you can.
I lost my son 31/1/17 he took his own life. Since then my life has been a battle. I had counselling didn’t work. I have also had I’ll health heartburn tiredness. I had to move as I was suffering rewind.
I seem to have to fight for everything in life whereas I could handle it before my son died I can’t handle pressure I just want peace.
Noone seems to understand I never experienced grief like this how long does it take to be me normal again.
Hi Caroline. I’m so sorry about your son. This is so, so, so hard. And this situation is complicated, because of the means of his death. No wonder you feel as you do. Do you have anyone around you who is safe – who will just meet you where you are and listen and support you? We all need people like that. And no one will really know how you feel – it’s your loss and yours alone. But there are many who can relate. There are so many on this grief road who have lost a child, some in similar circumstances too. If you haven’t, I would encourage you to check out The Compassionate Friends, or Bereaved Parents USA. Both are great organizations for those who have lost children – no matter what age. Please reach out here any time, Caroline. You are not alone.
Hi Gary….I lost my mom in 2014 and my dad in 2016. I was the executor to the will so I had to take care of bills, selling the house, ect. My siblings and I then went to Houston Tx where we grew up to bury my dads ashes in his plot. I know I really hadnt felt right since losing my.mom, but since going to Houston, I have basically been a wreck…anxiety, depression, exhaustion, allergies and It feels like Im really just ” starting” the real grieving process and it scares me because I thought I was “through” it already….can it hit ypy that much time later?
Btw, I went to Houston in June 2017
Hi Holly. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your mom and dad. Huge losses. And then being the executor is not exactly an easy task. And yes, grief can hit at any time. Sounds like going back to Houston was a trigger that dislodged the grief within and now it is spilling out. Let it come. Find healthy ways to express it, as best you can. The grief will change over time, as you process it and “get it out.” Do you have someone you can share freely with, who will listen and accept you in the midst of this. You need someone like that, if possible. And please feel free to shout out here any time. This is TOUGH. Please be patient with yourself.
Thank you for writing this, I lost my mum last week, even aged 32 I feel too young to have lost my mum 🙁 I am heart broken. I cry at everything, I am so exhausted. Worst of all my family dont get on so I feel very isolated as I feel in the middle. Luckily I have a wonderful husband whos my rock but I needed to read this and see others are going through it too horrible as that sounds.
Hi Lo. I’m so sorry about your mum. What a terrible, huge loss. And I’m so glad you have a good, supportive, kind husband. That can make all the difference. Exhaustion, crying, emotions, feeling isolated, etc. Yuck. Rest assured you’re not alone, and there are plenty of us on this road with you. Please feel free to reach out here any time. Thank you for sharing.
Sorry to hear about this. Its true you are not alone. I feel for you, no matter what age we feel like orphans when we lose a parent. good that you have a supportive husband. Prayers
Carol, thank you for your encouragement and support of others. Blessings to you…
Im so glad i just found this site. I had open heart surgery 2 years ago. i keep having follow ups to make sure im ok. On paper i am but i have been anxious and depressed ever since. I have a pet sitting bizi started 16 yrs ago. I started with a pug he was 9 months at the time He was 16.5. I can barely stand it..he passed away 4 weeks ago. I know its hard for some to understand but he was my soulmate and the most important being in my life.. now that he is gone i have cried and had panic attacks bad enough to end up in Er 3 days ago. My anxiety and pain came back in full force. I feel like im losing my mind in despair.
Hi Carol. I’m so sorry about what you’re going through. Our pets can be family – and sometimes they can be the safest part of our lives. No wonder you’re hurting and feeling as you are. Depression and anxiety after cardiac events and surgeries are not unusual. It’s scary, and life-changing in many ways. Our own mortality becomes, well, very evident. This is HARD. Do you have anyone around you that you can share freely with, without fear of judgment? We all need people like that. There are also some pet loss sites out there. You might consider googling what kind of support is out there for those who have lost pets. And please feel free to share here any time. I know it feels like you’re crazy, but right now you’re in a crazy situation, feeling alone, with a lot of grief. That’s exhausting, frustrating, and confusing. There is hope out there. Breathe deeply, and keep reaching out.
I lost my 29 year old son of a cardiac arrest in June 2017 ..now I get colds virus and even had pneumonia,I feel like I’m going to get some other sickness..could this be because of my broken heart ?
Hi Patrice. Ugh. I’m so sorry about your son. How tragic. Yes, this could be grief. Please visit your doctor regularly to make sure nothing more serious is going on physically. Grief whacks our immune systems pretty good, and frequent illnesses are not uncommon. Please feel free to reach out here any time, Patrice. Blessings to you.
I feel your pain. I lost my 47yr old son on the morning of new years eve. 2017. He was out cycling with his friends when he drpped down dead. His friends tried to save him but couln’t bring him back. I am suffering with palpitations and lmissed heart beats. . I wake in the night suddenly with my heart racing. Its so difficult to describe the effect of the loss. it’s like a physical illness.
Hi Carole. Thank you for sharing, and for supporting others. If there’s ever anything I can ever do for you, please let me know. I’m so sorry about your son. You’re right…it’s so hard to describe the ways a loss like this affects us. Sigh. Blessings to you…
I’m in my mid forties and lost my best friend to cancer last month and an ex with whom i was in the process of getting back together with, died last week in his sleep. They were both in their forties also. I feel numb and have chest and neck pain, struggle to catch breath and won’t let myself cry. I feel like if i were to cry, i would unravel completely. Is this normal to feel?
Hi Josephine. Goodness. Two such huge losses, in quick succession. No wonder you feel as you do. If you get concerned, please seek medical input to make sure everything is okay – and don’t hesitate to do so. Grief can often cause symptoms like this – yes – and usually expressing the grief helps – crying, writing, drawing, screaming, etc. I know it’s scary. Terribly so. Do you have someone you can consult with and share freely with about this? Please feel free to write any time, Josephine. And thank you for sharing.
I was just reading Josephine’s tragic story. How awful to lose two very special people in your life, so close together. I’m also in my 40’s. My father died 29yrs ago from a massive heart attack. (I was 17). Such a sudden, horrible loss. It brought my mother & i closer, then i developed arthritis at 21. Again. My mother was there for me. This time she isn’t. She died on 28th October 2017. Cancer. I’m so lost without her. She was my best friend, great company. Very independant & a lovely, caring woman. I’ve started bereavement group counselling sessions. Every Friday, 2hrs for 5 months. Meeting kind, sympathetic, supportive people, that are experiencing the same sort of feelings can be very comforting. Plus i’ve started a diary. I write down at the time, exactly how i’m feeling. I date it & write the time. So i can look back & see how my feelings are changing. It can soothe things a tiny bit.
Hi Vicki. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry about your mom and dad. Huge, massive losses. Ugh. And I’m so proud of you for how you are dealing with and processing the grief. Way to go! Keep up the good grief work. Your heart is healing, whether you are aware of it or not. And please feel free to reach out here any time. Blessings to you…
This is an enormous relief to know it’s not just me. My mum passed away 2 years ago on 6th a February under traumatic circumstances, she was only 50 and I was only 29. After that I didn’t have time to grieve as I had my 16 year old brother to look after (no dad around). All this happened 3 months before my wedding. During this time my mums dad fell ill with terminal lung cancer and I also had to care for him with my aunt. He passed away that November and without ever having a real dad in my life, he was the closest thing to it I had.
In order to give my brother more stability and to have our house feel like his home we had to extend our house for an additional bedroom. He was also at college and was struggling so when I got home every night I sat with him to help him with his work. He passed with 3 distinctions. I also work in a professional environment (an actuary) where I am expected to sit and pass exams – which somehow I have managed to do.
I am exhausted now.
I barely shed a tear for mum for 18 months as I was so busy looking after everything and everyone else. And now that it’s my time to grieve everyone else has moved on and can’t see that I am struggling with life. My body is all over the place, I can’t concentrate, all I want to do is sleep, everything aches, my body constantly twitches, I’m paranoid that “I’m next” after 2 major losses in a short time…. I feel like I am going mad and I can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. I just want to move on and feel better but I don’t know how…
HI Becca. I’m so sorry. Two such quick, massive losses. No wonder you’re struggling. No wonder you’re exhausted. I’m exhausted just thinking about what you’ve shared here, and I know that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Please seek a doctor’s advice if you get concerned about these physical symptoms. Your peace of mind is SO important in this process. One step at a time. One small, baby step at a time. And then the next. And then the next. Please reach out if I can help. Blessings to you…
Thank you, my Mother just passed this past week and I keep feeling jittery when I think about it. The funeral is this Tues Feb 6th I’m hoping I can handle it
HI Janie Marie. I’m so sorry about your mom. No wonder you feel jittery. You may feel this way, off and on, for a while. Many people do. I hope the funeral went well and was honoring to her in every way. If I can help in any way, please give me a shout. Blessings to you.
Hi Gary thank you for this lovely article/ it’s exactky what’s happening with me right now. I lost my mum last May and it feels like yesterday. We were SO close and I had the honour of being with her when she Passed. But it left me traumatized. Apart from the obvious heartbreak which feels at times unbearable (I have anxiety disorder so that makes my “physical grief” even worse) and I just don’t know what to do. I do bereavement counseling etc but it hits hard when I’m just trying to get through. I only hope there is some advice or wisdom you can give? Thank you again.
HI Will. I’m so sorry about your mum. Ugh. What a massive loss. It was such a blessing that you were there, but it has its tough down side too. As you work with and through the grief, over time it will change. Right now, I know that seems remote and impossible at times. Anxiety can take over in a flash. You will get through this. Do what you know to do to grieve well and honor her – moment by moment, day by day. Try not to look down the road too far. Take things one baby step at a time. Over the months, all these moments will add up to healing and adjustment. You will never be the same, but you will heal. Please feel free to shout out here any time. Thank you for sharing with us…
I just lost my brother this past weekend and friday after we heard i felt what seems like what happened to hum 54 perfect health died of a massive heart attack
Donna, I’m so sorry. How sudden and shocking. If there’s any way I can help, please let me know. Praying for your family now…
This article is was very useful thank you so much for knowledge on this topic. I’m actually a lot more confused because since my dad passed away on July 12,2017 it has been hard for allow and ever since then my menstrual cycle hasn’t been the same. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared I might have a serious illness and I’m only 19. With 2 kids and a husband. You see I get my period every 2 1/2 months, which is not normal and I have a little bit of acne (somewhat like middle school all over again) and insomnia and also not to mention I’m just 20lbs overweight. I got all of this when my dad passed. I just would love some insight on what maybe I have or I just don’t know. I think about my dad every day and the fee weeks after his passing I couldn’t grieve like I should’ve instead I got to try to fill everyone’s needs from my mother’s to my kids it was just so much. It hurts as bad as it did 7months ago.
Hi J. Thank you for sharing with me, and us. I’m so sorry about your dad. What a terrible loss. Ugh. And on wonder you’re having some of the physical issues you are. If you’re concerned, please get them checked out by a doctor, just to be sure. You need reassurance that all is well, and not more uncertainty in your life right now. The fact that all this has come on since your dad died is a pretty good clue that this is grief related. One thing for sure – as you focus on grieving well, the rest of life will fall more into place. Please be kind to yourself…
I just loss my fiance a week ago from bladder cancer that had spread, he was only 55 year s old. He was the love of my life, we were going to get married this summer. I have been physically sick, since this happened. I can’t eat, or sleep, I feel sick all the time. I don’t know how to get through this.. I don’t know if I can go on without my Phil..
Oh my. No wonder you feel as you do. I’m so sorry. How terrible. I’m hoping that you have someone safe that you can share with. Please don’t try to do this alone – you weren’t meant to. We’re in this together, and there are other people out there who know grief who will walk with you. Please reach out. Help is out there.
My brother died on Christmas Day. I have never known what pain was like until I got that phone call. I am a healthcare professional and in the military. I am suppose to be tough. But honestly, I am having difficulty just putting one foot in front of the other trying to make it through the day. Find some support out there. It’s impossible to go through this alone.
Hi Tina. Oh no. I’m so sorry. No wonder you’re feeling as you are. Yes, find support! We weren’t meant to do this alone, ever. Our loss is our own – individual and unique – but we are in this together, and can lean on each other in our pain. Please be patient with yourself, Tina. If I can help, give me a shout.
My heart at goes out to all on this site. I can not believe the depth of loss and grief that people here are withstanding. I have complex situation: My mom is dying in hospice now- my sister and I have been caretaking her- she and my son the people closest to me. Thank God my son is healthy. My mom’s loss is huge, but she IS very old and I have degrees of acceptance with the huge grief. However just months prior I had a break up with man I though I wa marrying and spending my life with (friend of 37 years) AND my therapist/ spiritual teacher of 25 years (very reputable head of a large meditation center and very large private practice) suddenly disappeared as he became an alcoholic in the last couple years was shut down for sexual harassment charges (some of which had recently effected me). He had been my spiritual /psych anchor as I worked my way out of childhood abuse w/ my dad. I know have grief from all these losses in teh past few months plus a car accident w/ car totaled where someone hit me out of nowhere- I some terrible PTSD symptoms from old trauma that got kicked up plus all the current losses. I am getting help- but I have had panic attacks, insomnia, a feeling of dread and some depression (have kept working, somehow- am a therapist).. I find small tasks like cooking and grocery story challenging now, get exhausted and overhwhelmed so easily, feel brain foggy and a little dissociative at times- like I”m watching myself talk or do things (when stressed, which is often). I was a dynamo of a single mom/professional- I have loved life so mucy- and I feel a cloud over me all the time now and enjoy little. I am trying to rebuild my senes of safety and hope. I am sending out love to all on this sit for healing and comfort and love to reach you. My friends have been AMAZING at least by phone and found a friend i my building to meditate with each evening- this is a life saver. Isolation is a NO! Also loving my son and having a new therapist to help through all the loss. Being a single mom w/ huge responsibilities to my son AND patients I can’t just “take some time off” for my rattled system to recover. I get Adrenalin rushes and feelings of doom at times. Taking a little medicine- just to get through the days without having panic. THANK YOU for listening. BLESS YOU ALL from my heart to yours.
HI Maggie. Oh my. What a journey you have been on. I’m staggered by all you have endured, and are enduring. Please continue to be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. If I can ever be of help, please reach out. Blessings to you…
Will it get easier??? I need hope! Thank you!
Hi Maggie. I sure hope so! I do think grief changes with time. On some level, we will always grieve because we will always miss them. But as we grieve well, the loss takes its place somehow in our hearts. Eventually, we begin to live again with new purpose and meaning. We speak their names, and tell their stories. We honor them any and every way we can. We share our loneliness with others who know grief and are somehow comforted, bit by bit. One moment at a time, Maggie. One moment at a time. Please feel free to reach out any time. Thank you for sharing.
Cumulative grief is yukky. Sounds like you are doing your best. Well done.
hello i’m not one to talk about this i have just kept it in and my health has got bad b/c i’m always so depressed i lost my grandson then 9 years after my daughter both few years ago and even though it’s been years i still can’t get over it she was my first born and also my first grandson her son…a yr after my daughter my cuz…then my sister daughter …list goes on …sometimes i don’t think this pain will go away …and i been sick from it …i just don’t know how to deal with losing my daughter ..she was 29 …her b-day is coming jan 3..and wish holidays it’s even worst it’s like i lost a big part of me and a big part of me left with her …thank you for reading ..
HI Marian. I’m so sorry about your daughter and your grandson. These losses change us. They upend our lives, and nothing, nothing is the same. No wonder you’re hurting. And there is no time limit on grief. Please be as kind to yourself as possible. If there’s anything I can ever do for you, please let me know.
Thank you so much for writing this article. I literally just google-searched “after my child died I felt crazy tired dizzy” and that’s how I found this. Our son died On September 6, 2017 just moments after he was born. So it has been almost 4 months but I still feel so strange every day that I was thinking I need to get my brain checked out. My head and vision feels exactly like having a hangover every single day. Or like when you’re sick and have a fever plus medicine head. It makes me feel like I have brain damage and like I’m going insane. This article gave me hope that maybe it is “just” grief.
Hi Rachel. Thank you for sharing. I’m so, so sorry about your son. Losses like this change everything, and leave us stunned and shaken. Our bodies get hit, hard. Please be kind to yourself, and get checked out when necessary. Grief can do some strange things. If I can ever help, please give me a shout. Blessings to you…
I lost my husband of 54years one year go tomorrow. We were inseparable all our lives. We never went anywhere without the other. 20 years before his death he had a stroke which left him unable to talk or use his right arm but he was determined and soon could walk and even do yard work and things around the house but in April 2015 he was diagnosed with lung cancer. Although we tried all the treatments he could handle, the tumor was inoperable and all we could do is watch it and hope he would get strong enough to try some new treatments. Unfortunately he went into the hospital on 10/26/16 and just went down hill. He was sent home on Hospice on 11/16/16 and passed on 11/26/16, two days after Thanksgiving. I had taken care of this wonderful man for 20 years and was able to work three days a week as well as take care of our house and drive him wherever he had to go and always felt pretty good. Within a week or less I felt I aged 20 years and started having all kinds of health issues. I cry multiple times per day and feel my whole purpose in life is gone. I miss him so much. I have been told it can take two years or more to handle this. My family is great but they can’t feel the void he left, it all seems so unreal. I am having a lot of stomach and bowel issues and just found out this can be from grief. A surgeon wants me to have my gallbladder out even though all tests are normal. After reading some of these posts I think I should wait on surgery and see how things go. Thanks for the insight. I know I will never completely get over the pain of missing him but hopefully things will get better. I am going on 77 and still working because it helps a little to keep busy.
Hi Barbara. Thank you for sharing. A loss like this changes everything. I’m so sorry. No wonder this has been a rocky road. Please be kind to yourself and patient – very patient – with yourself. There is no timetable or time limit on this – just other people’s opinions based on what they have been through. This relationship and marriage was yours, and yours alone, so the grief involved will be unique to you too. Please try to take things as they come, one thing at a time, one moment at a time. And please feel free to reach out and share here, any time. If I can help, please let me know.
Dear Barbara
I lost my husband 8 months ago. Feeling weak and shaky each day. No motivation.i don’t feel normal at all. Sadness and loneliness most times, Would like to get back to feeling normal. Nobody else know what this feeling is like. All the best Judy
Thank u for your comments, I am going through almost identical issues, health issues I did not ever experience, always healthy. I have slowed down considerably. I cry in private, brace for the outside world. Will it ever go, though my life has changed and it will never b the same. I was married for 58 years ,feel I will never get over his death. Thank u for sharing
HI Glenda. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry about your husband. No, we never get over a person, especially a spouse. We just live on with a large hole in our hearts. If I can help, please let me know. Keep being kind to yourself – as much as possible.
My husband, Chuck, passed away on September 2, 2015. I still deal with some “nervous stomach” symptoms about once or twice a week on average, and other things that come and go less frequently than they did in the first year afterward.
About a month after he passed away, my skin started breaking out in different areas, but the majority of the problem is on my forearms. It pretty much went away after the first year & a half, then started back up again about 6-7 months ago. I have the hardest time not scratching/picking (don’t know why..not really itchy.. I feel like a little kid that has no control!, so healing comes very slowly and it has left many scars on my forearms, now, so that I’m very self conscious about it when wearing shorter sleeves. I started using Tea Tree Oil on them & it sometimes helps when I remember to use it. I’m almost thinking something like hypnosis may be needed for this part of my “Symptoms of Grief”. I’m sorry that this is so long..it’s just that your story above really hit home with me, and it’s hard for me to talk about this skin issue with anyone who isn’t judgemental/scolding. Thank you so much for your time and your help to everyone who is hurting in so many ways because of our losses!
Hi Carol. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry about your husband, and about all the ripple effects that seem to be flowing from that loss. Ugh. What a challenge! Another option might be to consider seeing a therapist certified and trained in EMDR. Or, if you haven’t yet, check and see if there is a grief support group in your area. This is so hard. Thank you for taking your grief seriously and wanting to work through it. Please feel free to contact me any time. Blessings to you…
Carol, I am sorry for your loss and your heartache. I “lost” my daughter almost 2 years ago and along with her, my granddaughters. Losing people who are still here is harder sometimes (for me) because of the lack of closure. It has taken its toll through divorce, moving, etc. Everything hit at once. God gets me through. What I want to tell you is, I started with eczema when all of this broke out in my life. I went to a dermatologist 4 times, tried different and strong creams and was told to go home and live a happy go lucky life! Yes, wouldn’t that be nice. Anyway, eczema can be from stress. Please ask your doctor, there are some treatments that do help some. Take care!
Hi Lori. Thank you for sharing and for your compassionate encouragement of Carol. Well done! And I’m so sorry. Goodness, you’ve had a lot of loss on top of each other. I’m glad you’re still standing. If I can do anything for you, please give me a shout. Blessings to you…
I lost both of my twin daughters on October 27, 2017. I was exactly 5 months along and going in for a routine ultrasound when they told me there were no heartbeats. Not only did I have to give birth to my lifeless angels, but I’ve had to undergo surgeries due to complications after the birth. They were my first children and it is absolutely breaking me down. I am trying so hard to heal and cope in healthy ways but it’s hard. I’ve had anxiety attacks and irregular heartbeats. I thought something was seriously wrong with me. It has made me even more worried because of the complications that have already come up. I have never dealt with this kind of pain and stress before so it’s all unchartered territory and I don’t know what to expect. I’ll be fine one minute and then will break down into uncontrollable tears the next. This article gave me a little piece of mind knowing that it is more than likely just the process of all this. I also think it’s very thoughtful of you to reply to everyone’s posts on here. They are heartbreaking and everyone has a unique and individual struggle even though we are all suffering. I hope we can all find comfort somewhere…someday.
Hi Jamie. Oh my. I’m so, so sorry. How devastating, and complicated. No wonder you’re feeling as you are. Please be patient with yourself – this road is rocky, uneven, and takes time to navigate. You are not alone, and please continue to reach out here, and feel free to share anything, any time. If there’s anything I can do to support you, please let me know. I’m so sorry, Jamie. Breathe deeply. Be kind to yourself. Let the grief come out, bit by bit.
Thank you for this article. My wife and I lost our 24 year old son suddenly this past July. We are still reeling from it, and this article really hits home. We’re thinking that we won’t be able to make it through the holidays, but we have 4 other children and 4 grandchildren, so we are trying to forge ahead. We’re still crushed.
Hi Greg. Oh my. Ugh. I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry. Yes, the holidays will be hard. The challenge is to find ways to honor and remember him, and give people the opportunity to grieve in healthy ways. If I can help or support you in any way, Greg, please let me know. No wonder you’re crushed. Blessings to you…
So pleased I found this. My beloved Dad died 2 months ago. He had been ill – he was 87 – but it was still sudden. He died at he and my Mum’s home in the kitchen in his sleep. I am an only child as my brother died 12 years ago from cancer. I miss my dad so painfully and have been ill ever since in odd ways. Symptoms like food poisoning and flu and zero appetite, glands up and spotty skin. I’m sort of OK then consumed by unbearable sadness and pain that seem claustrophobic. I know people think they are being kind when they say he had a nice death and I know they are right but I don’t want him dead at all. I feel it sort of minimizes my loss. I know when I say he was 87 some people think Oh Well what do you expect. Plus I’m so worried about my mum on her own. I have read some heartbreaking stories on here, people losing children and partners. Just awful. Best wishes to everyone grieving.
Hi Sarah. Thanks so much for sharing, and I’m so sorry about your dad. Grief sure does smack us physically, doesn’t it? And in every other way too. And yes, people can “try to make us feel better” and end up minimizing our pain and loss without meaning to. Frustrating. It can be lonely. No one else had this relationship – just you and your dad. Special. One of a kind. Unique. So, no wonder you’re hurting and perhaps even feeling a little “lost.” Please feel free to reach out and share any time. Glad we’re in this together!
I lost my dad on 15th October 2017, he had suffered Oesophagael cancer for 3 years, treatment, surgery & given 6 months to live back in June. I devoted as much time & energy over the 3 year period to him that I could, travelling with him & caring for him & my mum, I’ve remained physically well throughout, however since his death I have had virus after virus, flu, lost my voice but most scarily dizzy spells & nausea. I’ve never experienced this before or ever felt faint so this is very upsetting. I’m eating well, trying to sleep when I can but the dizziness is really holding me back & affecting my confidence
It’s comforting however to read that I’m not alone in experiencing the physical symptoms of grief. My best wishes to all x
Hi Kirsty. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your dad. What a massive loss. It hits us on so many levels. No wonder you’re feeling as you are. You are definitely not alone.
Sarah. I am so, so sorry for your loss. My dad died a little less than two months ago at 62. He was not in good health but his death was also sudden and unexpected. I handled it fairly well initially but a few weeks ago I started breaking down physically and emotionally. First I got a persistent UTI which turned into a kidney infection. Then I got a terrible bacterial chest infection which I am still trying to shake off. The fever and physical pain is unbearable and sometimes I honestly feel like I am going crazy. Everything hurts SO much. My ears, my skin, my teeth, my joints – it aches and aches. I literally just spent the last 5 minutes crying uncontrollably and pounding my legs with my fists and pulling at my hair – I am in complete anguish. My husband and close family are very supportive but I also feel like a lot of people diminish my pain because I lost him as an adult and he was in poor health anyway. Like that makes it easier? Anyway, I feel such sympathy for your situation and I can completely relate. Let’s ride this horrific wave together and hopefully we will come out stronger on the other end. Clearly we are not alone in our grief. I am so sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.
Hi JJ. Thank you for sharing with us, and thank you for your kind, compassionate response to Sarah. I’m so sorry about your dad. Ugh. And yes, it hits us in so, so many ways. And yes…you will ride out this wave, and you will be stronger in the end. You will use this grief, and you are already using it for the good of others – as evident in your response to Sarah. Speak his name. Tell his story. Honor him in every way you can. You will get through this. And please feel free to reach out here any time. Blessings to you…
I am grateful to come upon this article. I lost my mother a week ago after a long lengthy battle with cancer – my sister and I were her caretakers. Though we expected this, grief has hit me hard. I expected the sadness, anger, depression. What I didn’t expect was the physical pain – it’s literally hard to get out of bed in the morning as I feel almost flu-like aches. I’m forcing myself to get out and get going but it’s hard not to “hermit” as I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. It’s been the hardest thing to explain.
HI Tab. Thank you for sharing with us. And I’m so sorry about your mom. Thank you for caring for her and loving her the way you did. What a great labor of love that was. And yes, grief smacks us in all areas. All of us get “surprised” by grief somehow. It’s hard to figure out what’s happening, because we’ve never been exactly here before. Please be kind to yourself. Please be patient with yourself. And please feel free to share here any time. You are not alone. Far from it!
This has been the most stressful year of my life. Within the last six months, I lost my mother-in-law, my uncle, and my dad. In addition to all that sorrow, my children had major life events. My son left the seminary and returned to the business world and my daughter got engaged. My body is suffering from all the stress. I currently have a stiff neck and lack of energy. I have been to the doctor more this year than ever before. It’s been one thing after another: knee problems, neck problems, flu lasting a month, clumsy accidents, anxiety panic attacks, nausea. I have been anticipating the loss of my dad for a year. I have good days and bad. I’m so ready to be better. I’ve been athletic for 30 years and I don’t enjoy exercise anymore.
Hi Terri. Thank you for sharing this. Ugh. What a terrible string of losses. What a bunch of hits you’ve had to endure. It’s like your body said, “ENOUGH!” I’m so sorry. Speaking as an old athlete myself, I can only imagine the frustration. Please be kind to yourself, and get around people who are safe, and helpful to you. Please let me know if I can help in any way. Do you have anyone safe you can share freely with??
I’ve often wondered if grief was causing physical issues in having. Last year I was diagnosed with a hiatal hernia, gastritis and reflux. I continually have issues with it. Our twins were born at 28 weeks and our son died at 31 days old. I had a very traumatic birth. We had to make the decision to remove life support for him. That was 22 months ago. The twins birthday is 9-7-15. So we are approaching a 2nd birthday then a death date the next month. Grief is a painful thing that has been a roller coaster.
Hi Jessica. Yes, it’s very possible. It’s important not to take risks, and check out symptoms you’re unsure about. But yes…there are so many possible physical issues that stem from grief. Yes, it’s a roller coaster. I’m so sorry. Please feel free to reach out here any time. Praying for you today…
My daughter Hazel would have been 6 this December. She was born with Trisomy 18 which we discovered at 20 weeks gestation. We opted to let her be and live what life she could. She made it to 5 and a half weeks of age and died in my arms one night at home where we also cared for her ourselves. 6 years on and I hold it together for weeks and then crumble by myself. I’ve had breathing problems with not getting enough air (hyperventilation apparently), chest pain, neck and throat pain. I’ve thought I was having a heart attack more than once. I think of her every day, wonder what she would have looked like, sounded like, her laugh. I thought I was finally learning to live with her loss but now I think my body is taking the toll of trying to cope and manage the pain. Its a long and very hard place to be.
Hi Vanessa. Thank you for sharing with us. I’m so, so sorry about Hazel. How traumatic and heartbreaking. No wonder you’re having all these symptoms – and yes, they take a toll over time. Our bodies just need time, and sometimes some help, to adjust to huge hits like this. You’re right – it’s a very hard place to be. Please feel free to write, vent, and share as you want or need to. I’ll be glad to help any way I can. Blessings to you…
Hi I lost my darling brother Geoff on 7 October 2017 after a brain aneurysm.He was 59 years old and I am his youngest sister by 5 years.We were so close and finding the grief journey very painful…I am experiencing all the physical symptoms at the moment…no concentration,Light headed,exhausted but unable to sleep well,lack of appetite,having to keep the house tidy and in order as a coping strategy!…trying to support his partner from a distance and was also with Geoff until he took his last breath.I am a Christian but the battle is real.I also suffer from anxiety and am on medication.thanks Margie
HI Margie. I’m so sorry about Geoff. How awful. Sudden. I can only imagine how painful and confusing all this has been for you – especially since it’s so recent. Shock has to be huge for you. Yes, it’s hard – hard, hard. Please be kind to yourself. It will not be life as usual now. And please reach out and feel free to share here any time. Blessings to you….
I lost my husband 11 years ago. He was killed in my front yard while changing the brakes on my sons truck and it fell on him. I have felt like I aged so much I can barely get out of bed without hurting. My shoulder hurts and my mind is so foggy I can hardly think. I suffer from bad headaches nearly everyday. You are so right.
Hi Loree. I’m so sorry about your husband. How awful. What a huge, terrible loss. No wonder you’ve felt as you have. If there’s anything I can do for you, please feel free to let me know. Praying for you now…
My 36 year old son killed himself on 5-19-17. My daughter died 11-30-2002 from overdose of antidepressants. I had never really gotten over her death and struggled with depression since she died. I feel nauseated every day. I cry every day along with feelings of anger. I can’t sleep and no appetite. I struggle to make it through every day. I am so tired. I am now on 2 antidepressants but it doesn’t seem to help much
Hi Ann. I’m so sorry. What massive, huge losses. It’s a wonder you’re still standing. Do you have anyone where you are that you can share freely with? Someone safe who will just listen and be with you in this? We all need people like that. Please feel free to reach out here any time. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Blessings to you…
I am so sorry Ann
Gary,
I lost my son Justin on May 19, 2016 in an auto accident leaving behind a new wife, 7 week baby girl and a new home he never haf a chance to move into. I had a Benefit on the anniversary to raise money for MSSUCKS. He was diagnosed 3 years prior to his death. I hate saying that. I feel that he is still with us jyst in a different way. I talk yo him everyday and jounal a few times a week. I still struggle and no one understands. My daughter tells me people get tired of hearing it over snd over again. My faith is helping see me through but my mind feels broken and i feel exhausted much of yhe time. I just ordered your book.
Daniello
I lost my son 7/25/2015 Cody was at a house party when a fight broke out and he walked out door’s to see what happened. His girlfriend told him not to get involved and he leaned up against the chimney. The next someone fired a gun and missed who they were shooting at. Cody said I think I been hit as he lifted his shirt. Then he collapsed, he’d been hit by a hollow point bullet. He die when he collapsed. I’ve been dealing with grinding my teeth, lower back pain. I’ve awakened up not being able to hardly get dressed because of severe pain in my right shoulder, the pain my breathing hard. I don’t sleep well, because it takes me so long to fall asleep and then I have 3 alarms and someone to call me so I can get to work. I have been nauseous for over two weeks when they gave me something so I could eat. Right now I’m in physical therapy for 2 tendon in my left leg that are really inflamed. I have a sore that just popped up on the right side of my neck that makes my neck and headache. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Hi Daniello. Oh no. What a terrible tragedy. I’m so sorry about Cody. I can’t imagine the pain and confusion, and anger. No wonder you feel as you do. How can I help? Have you heard of the Compassionate Friends or Bereaved Parents USA? They are wonderful organizations that help those who have lost children, no matter what age or what circumstances. Please be kind to yourself and very patient with yourself. And feel free to reach out here any time. Praying for you now, Daniello.
I know this to be true! I lost my Mom 5 mons ago, she was my best friend and the best Mom!!! I was her care taker for 4 yrs. prior to her passing. Since she has been gone, i feel like my world is upside down. I cry everyday and miss her so much it hurts. In the last month i developed this horrible aching in all my joints and muscles and terrible fatigue. It ebs and flows, some days are better than others. Just wish i knew how to get through this and come out ok on the other side. I eat well and try to get enough sleep. Life is so unbearable without her, i just dont know what to do. Would appreciate any feedback.
Hi Justine. I’m so sorry about you mom. What a massive loss, and it will affect everything in your life – and you feel that already. You’re doing better than you know. What you’re experiencing sounds common for a close loss like this. And you’re doing the basics well – and that’s huge. Just don’t isolate. Keep reaching out. See if you can find a support group, or at least a few people who know grief and can listen with empathy. You are not alone – far from it. If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.
I lost my husband 5 months ago. I feel I’m on automatic pilot just doing what I have to not enjoying things. I feel like I am in a dream and want to get back to normal
Hi Judy. Auto-pilot. Yes, that’s what it’s like. Going through the motions. Please be patient with yourself. This is a tough, hard marathon. And yes, it’s surreal – like a dream. Sigh. Please feel free to reach out and share here any time. Blessings to you…
Hi I lost my dad last March and since then I feel I’m a time bomb waiting to go off. I do what I need to do on a daily basis, but life is not enjoyable anymore with out my dad here to share it with
Hi Sharlene. I’m so sorry. That dad-daughter connection can be so, so powerful. Please be patient with yourself in this. Your heart is broken, and it takes time for those broken pieces to somehow come together again. Please feel free to share here any time. I’ll be glad to help however I can.
Hi Justine,
I lost my Mom a month and a half ago. Like you I have been her caregiver for over 8 years. She was my best friend and I feel like I can’t go on without her. I can’t eat, can’t sleep and my heart is constantly aching. Not to mention that I feel as though I can’t breathe most of the time. I keep praying that it will get easier but I see no relief in sight. I cry all day and I’m also having a tough time staying at home because she lived with me and there are so many triggers. When she was living, I took pretty good care of myself and now it’s a struggle just getting to the gym once a week. I also struggle with guilt because as her caregiver, I keep playing her last days over in my mind and thinking whether or not I could have done something different that may have prolonged her life. I pray everyday for relief and acceptance. I also pray the same for you.
Marcia
I lost my mom 10-24-15 , my sister 11-19-15 , my husband 7-13-16 , and a high school friend 7-27-16 . I have been sick a lot and I do try to take care of myself . I work a lot to keep busy because every moment that I’m idle I hurt for them .
HI Karen. Oh my. What huge losses! It’s a wonder you’re still standing. And no wonder you’re been sick a lot. Breathe deeply. Take it one day at a time. Try to feel the grief as it comes, bit by bit. Over time, your immune system will catch up. Keep doing the healthy things you know to do – and that will really pay off down the road. Right now is just a tough, painful season. Please reach out if I can do anything for you. Blessings to you, Karen…
My 21 year old son died in February due to a hiking accident. The first two months I operated in shock and numbness and now the loss is really hitting me. I’ve lost 40 lbs, have migraines, and find it very hard to focus at work. I have found that reaching out to other people who are going through this does help. Thank you.
Terri, I’m so sorry about your son. How tragic, and terrible. Yes, it hits us hard after the shock dissipates. Please be very kind to yourself and patient with yourself. And yes, it helps to be with a few others who “get it.” That’s invaluable. If I can ever do anything for you, please let me know. Blessings…
My mother died when I was 18 months old. My father’s 3rd wife was abusive. My sister& I were not allowed to mention our mother. I buried all my feelings & built a wall around my heart. I ran away from home at 14 & became a very angry woman. My sister committed suicide in 1989.Because I learned early in life to not talk about things I always pretended I was tough. I am now 68 yrs old & in the last few yrs have began grieving for my mother & my sister. Facing that grief & allowing it has stopped most of the anger, but it is difficult. Throughout my life I have had a hard time connecting with people & feel that I am different
HI Shirley. Thank you for sharing. Oh my. You have really been through a lot. And yes, we bury some stuff very deep. Thankfully, we’re not designed to stuff it, and sooner or later it will surface and give us an opportunity to grieve and heal. Well done. I’m so proud of you. A lot of people simply run away from this or self-medicate. As you continue to process, things will become more and more clear. I can feel the loneliness in your words. Please be kind to yourself. And please reach out here any time. Blessings…
Hi Gary,
You really hit the nail on the head. My son died in a car accident 5 years ago last week. The past five years have been an emotional roller coaster which has had major physical side effects for me. Since his passing I find I am unable to sleep at night. My mind can’t seem to shut off. I have gained 40 lbs., most of it around my middle which I’ve heard can be from cortisol buildup from the stress. I now suffer from depression as well. Stomach issues which has led to diverticulitis. Knee problems. Breathing problems (asthma). I even had an attack of “broken heart syndrome” otherwise known as Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. To top it off I had a hernia repair last week on May 30… which als happens to be they the anniversary of the day my son died. Talk about stress! Thank you for posting this.
Hi Mrya. Oh my! Wow. Thank you for sharing about your experiences. I’m beginning to think an entire book should be written about this subject. I’m so glad you know it’s grief-related. I’m glad you’re still breathing. I’m so sorry about your son. Your love for him is so deep and clear. Thank you. Please let me know if I can help, Myra. Blessings…
Hi Myra and Gary,
I’m a dad. I’m sorry for your loss.
I lost my adult son 4 four years ago. As a parent, we feel at that moment a mighty body blow and the waves of emotions. But I now realize the long-term effects of having to carry this loss. My immune system appears to have been compromised and my pre-existing condition of hypotension has worsened.
I watch my diet and exercise on a regular basis, either walking or biking, but I feel my body wants to spiral downwards out of control. I don’t think I’m trying to store my grief up or pretend it didn’t happen!
I have a supportive partner but don’t know what I need to change or put into place to stop this from sliding over the edge.
Thanks
Keith
Hi Keith. Ugh. I’m so sorry. I wish I had a clear answer – other than to do what you can, day by day, to keep feeling and working through the grief. These things hit us so deeply – and they can grind on us. Keep talking. Keep writing or sharing. Stay connected to some good, safe people. We can feel betrayed on so many levels – by our own bodies. Please feel free to reach out here, or email me personally and share or vent. Again, I’m so sorry.
I know this is true my husband died 2/26/2015 . We were just so close and never apart . I found him died and I tried CPR and nothing . After 20 years I don’t know how to live without him . I have back pain neck pain chest pain . I have had all kinds of test and nothing .i did not know this was grief
Hi Valerie. I’m so sorry about your husband. Ugh. And I’m so glad you got things checked out, just to make sure. Yes, grief runs deep. Our hearts and bodies don’t forget. Over time, we release it, and healing can take place. Please be kind to yourself, Valerie.
My wonderful husband died 12-2-2015. Mornings are the worst! Always feel shaky inside not sure why! Stomach usually upset! Don’t want to make plans or commitments or plans never sure how I will feel! I was always so happy! Sister and father died died a year before? What is normal??
Hi Joy. What is normal? What a great question. At this point, “normal” is individual, and it changes quickly. What would be normal for you is to be grieving, hurting, and all that comes with that. Ugh. I’m so sorry about your husband and your sister and father. What massive losses! Please be kind to yourself. Feel the grief as you can, and process it any healthy way possible. Over time, the grief will change. If I can help, please let me know. Blessings to you…
I watched my best friend of 24 years die in front of me and eversince I’ve suffered anxiety and panic attacks and have a whole host of physical symptoms that are ruining my life. I feel so ill all the time and the anxiety is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. I miss my best friend so much as I looked after him and the void is huge. I just want the pain to end but it’s been a year and a half and I feel worse now than ever.
Lisa, I’m so sorry. Your love for your friend is clear. Yes, we get pounded by stuff like this. Our bodies absorb it, and hold it, until we can finally begin to slowly release it over time. Please keep reaching out. Do you have someone there you can share freely with? Please feel free to email me any time. Blessings to you, Lisa…
This is so true and you really don’t realize what is happening. After we lost our two precious grandkids my husband had a stroke, his blood pressure is higher than ever and he gets sick easily. Just trying to get through each day by staying busy is so emotionally stressful, it’s like a roller coaster that doesn’t end. It’s only been 20 weeks and the pain and brokenness is just so hard to deal with.
Hi Diane. I’m so sorry. Sometimes things cascade down upon us in droves. How awful. Please be kind to yourself. And don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone. You will get through this. Breathe deeply.
A year and a half has gone by since my husband died. I think I am getting stronger and then I get whammed with migraines and chest pressure when any painful or stressful experience comes. I haven’t had migraines for at least 20 yrs. Those days set me back and can bring flood of tears and not wanting to get out of bed. The sense of loneliness seems so much worse because it’s these times I realize how alone I am
Yes, you’re right. Physical distress can remind us of, well, a lot, and the loneliness can be so deep. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing.
Well done. I was completely unprepared for the physical manifestations of grief. Some showed up 12 to 18 months out. I had hair loss (thankfully resolved) and I developed IBS which I manage carefully. The bone deep fatigue in the immediate aftermath was startling. Memory problems showed up early on, and blessedly departed.
Friends thought I was crazy. Nope. Just grieving. There needs to be more awareness about this. Thanks for getting the ball rolling, Gary Roe!
HI Mary. Thank you for sharing. Wow. Yes, sometimes they get is months afterwards – it’s like they slowly build up. Our bodies store it all, and then begin to manifest the grief. I’m beginning to think an entire book needs to be done on this. Whew. Thanks again. Please be kind to yourself, Mary. Blessings…
Wow. All I can say is wow. I thought my grieving process was over. I lost my Mom and I I have been through so much physically. The doctors have taken test after test. Nothing. Now I finally face the music and it hurts to even admit it but I am still grieving. I took care of her into she left this earth. Then loss her and had thought I had gotten better each year. It’s only been 3 years and I still feel the pain of the loss even now that I e slowed down to recover physically. Was not sure why I had to come home and leave my job now I know it’s not just physically but emotionally we need to take time to heal. Thanks for sharing this. I had been trying to run from my own emotional pain and process.
Hi Robin. Thank you for sharing. You have been on quite a journey of ups and downs. And you’re right – we all try to run from pain and grief, in our own ways. Certainly we can’t handle the full force of it at any given time – just bits at a time, little by little. In the meantime, some gets stored away in our bodies, which makes taking care of ourselves all that much more important. Keep feeling what you can, when you can, a little at a time. Over the course of weeks and months, that will add up to healthy grieving. And please feel free to reach out any time. Blessings…
Wow. All I can say is wow. I thought my grieving process was over. I lost my Mom and I I have been through so much physically. The doctors have taken test after test. Nothing. Now I finally face the music and it hurts to even admit it but I am still grieving. I took care of her into she left this earth. Then loss her and had thought I had gotten better each year. It’s only been 3 years and I still feel the pain of the loss even now that I e slowed down to recover physically. Was not sure why I had to come home and leave my job now I know it’s not just physically but emotionally we need to take time to heal. Thanks for sharing this. I had been trying to run from my own emotional pain and process.
Hi Robin. Thank you for sharing. You have been on quite a journey of ups and downs. And you’re right – we all try to run from pain and grief, in our own ways. Certainly we can’t handle the full force of it at any given time – just bits at a time, little by little. In the meantime, some gets stored away in our bodies, which makes taking care of ourselves all that much more important. Keep feeling what you can, when you can, a little at a time. Over the course of weeks and months, that will add up to healthy grieving. And please feel free to reach out any time. Blessings…
Wow. All I can say is wow. I thought my grieving process was over. I lost my Mom and I I have been through so much physically. The doctors have taken test after test. Nothing. Now I finally face the music and it hurts to even admit it but I am still grieving. I took care of her into she left this earth. Then loss her and had thought I had gotten better each year. It’s only been 3 years and I still feel the pain of the loss even now that I e slowed down to recover physically. Was not sure why I had to come home and leave my job now I know it’s not just physically but emotionally we need to take time to heal. Thanks for sharing this. I had been trying to run from my own emotional pain and process.
Hi Robin. Thank you for sharing. You have been on quite a journey of ups and downs. And you’re right – we all try to run from pain and grief, in our own ways. Certainly we can’t handle the full force of it at any given time – just bits at a time, little by little. In the meantime, some gets stored away in our bodies, which makes taking care of ourselves all that much more important. Keep feeling what you can, when you can, a little at a time. Over the course of weeks and months, that will add up to healthy grieving. And please feel free to reach out any time. Blessings…
thank you for writing this…. I lost my husband 08/2015. He was diagnosed with cancer 2 months prior to that and I found I was fighting everything. I had a hard time with breathing…. I kept holding it without realizing it. But again, I fought every cold, my allergies are still bad and now I have new issues with my shoulder. It was and still is difficult to find time to exercise or even eat right or even eat. I have always put others before myself and I know this isn’t good. I at trying everyday to make it better. To put myself first.. Thanks again
Hi Jane. Thanks for sharing. It’s so hard to take care of ourselves sometimes – especially for those who are used to taking care of everyone else. Please be patient with yourself and you learn this. It takes time, focus, and some effort. Slowing down helped me a lot – of course, I probably need to slow down even more. Blessings to you…
thank you for writing this…. I lost my husband 08/2015. He was diagnosed with cancer 2 months prior to that and I found I was fighting everything. I had a hard time with breathing…. I kept holding it without realizing it. But again, I fought every cold, my allergies are still bad and now I have new issues with my shoulder. It was and still is difficult to find time to exercise or even eat right or even eat. I have always put others before myself and I know this isn’t good. I at trying everyday to make it better. To put myself first.. Thanks again
Hi Jane. Thanks for sharing. It’s so hard to take care of ourselves sometimes – especially for those who are used to taking care of everyone else. Please be patient with yourself and you learn this. It takes time, focus, and some effort. Slowing down helped me a lot – of course, I probably need to slow down even more. Blessings to you…
thank you for writing this…. I lost my husband 08/2015. He was diagnosed with cancer 2 months prior to that and I found I was fighting everything. I had a hard time with breathing…. I kept holding it without realizing it. But again, I fought every cold, my allergies are still bad and now I have new issues with my shoulder. It was and still is difficult to find time to exercise or even eat right or even eat. I have always put others before myself and I know this isn’t good. I at trying everyday to make it better. To put myself first.. Thanks again
Hi Jane. Thanks for sharing. It’s so hard to take care of ourselves sometimes – especially for those who are used to taking care of everyone else. Please be patient with yourself and you learn this. It takes time, focus, and some effort. Slowing down helped me a lot – of course, I probably need to slow down even more. Blessings to you…
I don’t understand how taking care of myself honors my loved one. I’d like more on this but hsvrv never seen anyone elaborate on the topic. Though I know it’s important thing to do all of our life why and his is it seen as an honor ?
Hi Kathi. HI Kathi. Thanks for writing, and good question. The assumption is that our deceased loved one would want us to take good care of ourselves. In other words, taking good care of ourselves in one way of honoring our loved one’s wishes (though perhaps unspoken). We honor them by remembering our relationship with them, their love and concern of us, and taking care of ourselves in turn.
Hope that helps. If I missed the target, please continue to ask. And please feel free to reach out here any time, Kathi.
I don’t understand how taking care of myself honors my loved one. I’d like more on this but hsvrv never seen anyone elaborate on the topic. Though I know it’s important thing to do all of our life why and his is it seen as an honor ?
Hi Kathi. HI Kathi. Thanks for writing, and good question. The assumption is that our deceased loved one would want us to take good care of ourselves. In other words, taking good care of ourselves in one way of honoring our loved one’s wishes (though perhaps unspoken). We honor them by remembering our relationship with them, their love and concern of us, and taking care of ourselves in turn.
Hope that helps. If I missed the target, please continue to ask. And please feel free to reach out here any time, Kathi.
I don’t understand how taking care of myself honors my loved one. I’d like more on this but hsvrv never seen anyone elaborate on the topic. Though I know it’s important thing to do all of our life why and his is it seen as an honor ?
Hi Kathi. HI Kathi. Thanks for writing, and good question. The assumption is that our deceased loved one would want us to take good care of ourselves. In other words, taking good care of ourselves in one way of honoring our loved one’s wishes (though perhaps unspoken). We honor them by remembering our relationship with them, their love and concern of us, and taking care of ourselves in turn.
Hope that helps. If I missed the target, please continue to ask. And please feel free to reach out here any time, Kathi.
I find this article to be true in my life. My husband passed on March 18, 2016. Since that time I have been to the hospital and doctors more than I ever have in my life. We were only married three years.
One month after his death something bit me and I was in the E/R. A few months later the leakage in my left breast which has had clear for at least three years off and on turned brown. I had to have breast surgery to remove a duct to be biopsied. It came back negative. Now I am having problems with my left foot. I have been to the podiatrist twice and it does not seem to be getting better. These physical ailments are more of a distraction. My real pain is emotional. I miss my husband every moment of every day.
HI Joyce. Thanks for sharing. Oh my. Yes, we can have all sorts of physical manifestations of grief. Whether they have root in physical illness or not, they are very real. It’s not just in our head…far from it. Your love for him is so clear. I’m so sorry. Blessings to you…
I find this article to be true in my life. My husband passed on March 18, 2016. Since that time I have been to the hospital and doctors more than I ever have in my life. We were only married three years.
One month after his death something bit me and I was in the E/R. A few months later the leakage in my left breast which has had clear for at least three years off and on turned brown. I had to have breast surgery to remove a duct to be biopsied. It came back negative. Now I am having problems with my left foot. I have been to the podiatrist twice and it does not seem to be getting better. These physical ailments are more of a distraction. My real pain is emotional. I miss my husband every moment of every day.
HI Joyce. Thanks for sharing. Oh my. Yes, we can have all sorts of physical manifestations of grief. Whether they have root in physical illness or not, they are very real. It’s not just in our head…far from it. Your love for him is so clear. I’m so sorry. Blessings to you…
I find this article to be true in my life. My husband passed on March 18, 2016. Since that time I have been to the hospital and doctors more than I ever have in my life. We were only married three years.
One month after his death something bit me and I was in the E/R. A few months later the leakage in my left breast which has had clear for at least three years off and on turned brown. I had to have breast surgery to remove a duct to be biopsied. It came back negative. Now I am having problems with my left foot. I have been to the podiatrist twice and it does not seem to be getting better. These physical ailments are more of a distraction. My real pain is emotional. I miss my husband every moment of every day.
HI Joyce. Thanks for sharing. Oh my. Yes, we can have all sorts of physical manifestations of grief. Whether they have root in physical illness or not, they are very real. It’s not just in our head…far from it. Your love for him is so clear. I’m so sorry. Blessings to you…
I know this is true. I don’t feel well. Lots of health issues. I still feel like I can’t get along without him.
HI Gayleen. I’m so sorry. When half our heart is gone, it’s hard to see straight, or to even function sometimes. Keep reaching out. Keep trusting. Keep breathing deeply. Praying for you now…
I know this is true. I don’t feel well. Lots of health issues. I still feel like I can’t get along without him.
HI Gayleen. I’m so sorry. When half our heart is gone, it’s hard to see straight, or to even function sometimes. Keep reaching out. Keep trusting. Keep breathing deeply. Praying for you now…
I know this is true. I don’t feel well. Lots of health issues. I still feel like I can’t get along without him.
HI Gayleen. I’m so sorry. When half our heart is gone, it’s hard to see straight, or to even function sometimes. Keep reaching out. Keep trusting. Keep breathing deeply. Praying for you now…
my grandma passed a week ago im 14 years old i only cried once which was at the funeral we were close and i know that she is dead and she isnt coming back but now im having weird back pain arm pain and other stuff and it feels like im having a heart attack but my mom said its just me grieving is she right? and none of this started until the day after she died
Hi Malachi. Thank you for writing and sharing with me. I’m so sorry about your grandma. These losses hit us hard – our bodies and our health too. Yes, it could be grief, especially since it started after your grandma died. However, if you’re really concerned, you might consider seeing a doctor just to make sure, and for your own peace of mind. These things can be scary. I know. I’ve been there (my dad died of a heart attacks and I had chest pain after he died). And please feel free to write or email me any time. Please take care of yourself.