Buck up and get over it.
Yep, we’ve all heard some version of that. If we’re in the middle of a pity party, that might be good advice. If we’re hurting and in the midst of healing, however, it’s not very helpful.
“People are telling me to buck up and get over it. Life goes on. Put on your tough shoes. Be strong,” Paula said, with an edge in her voice.
She paused and pursed her lips. Her eyes bore into mine.
“Just how do you get over a husband? Tell me that!” she quipped.
You don’t. That’s impossible.
We never get over people. We learn to cope and compensate. Healing and recovery is about accepting the reality of the loss over time. But getting over the people we loved and have lost would mean forgetting or somehow pretending they never existed.
Ridiculous. We never “get over” husbands, wives, children, grandchildren, moms, dads, siblings, or friends. We never get over a missing loved one.
But we will get through this time. Somehow. Some way. As we grieve well, over time the grief will change. For now, we do the best we can, feeling what comes, dealing with life one small step at a time.
Here’s an affirmation for today:
“I’ll never get over you, but I will honor you by grieving in healthy ways
during this season of loss.”
As Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Be nice to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Take your heart seriously. Breathe deeply.
Adapted from the Bestseller Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (2015 USA Best Book Awards Finalist, National Indie Excellence Award Finalist).
Photo Credit: ©unsplash.com
People don’t realize it, you don’t get over it you go through it. And hopefully someday we can get through it. some days are better than others ,empty yes. But always filled with love and memories
Hi Sharyn. Well said. You are so right. Thank you for sharing!
People don’t realize it, you don’t get over it you go through it. And hopefully someday we can get through it. some days are better than others ,empty yes. But always filled with love and memories
Hi Sharyn. Well said. You are so right. Thank you for sharing!
People don’t realize it, you don’t get over it you go through it. And hopefully someday we can get through it. some days are better than others ,empty yes. But always filled with love and memories
Hi Sharyn. Well said. You are so right. Thank you for sharing!
I was just told (again) yesterday that since it’s been 16 months since my partner died that it’s time for me to sell everything, put a few belongings in a U-Haul and move somewhere far away. Seriously? What would that gain me, aside from losing my complete support base and what little is left of my emotional foundation?
Yes, maybe the memories would be foggier without the constant visual cues, but the memories are what I have left of my beautiful beau and the happiest years of my life.
“Well, you’d make new memories in a new place,” people say. Maybe, maybe not. But if I’m going to make new memories, I’m sure I can do it where I live now just as easily. Anyway, new memories are overrated. I prefer to have the old ones keep me company for now.
Hi Tammy. Thanks for commenting. I’m so sorry. Other want to fix, and we just need to grieve – in our own way – in our own time. Keep breathing depply and taking your heart seriously. You are doing better than you know…
I was just told (again) yesterday that since it’s been 16 months since my partner died that it’s time for me to sell everything, put a few belongings in a U-Haul and move somewhere far away. Seriously? What would that gain me, aside from losing my complete support base and what little is left of my emotional foundation?
Yes, maybe the memories would be foggier without the constant visual cues, but the memories are what I have left of my beautiful beau and the happiest years of my life.
“Well, you’d make new memories in a new place,” people say. Maybe, maybe not. But if I’m going to make new memories, I’m sure I can do it where I live now just as easily. Anyway, new memories are overrated. I prefer to have the old ones keep me company for now.
Hi Tammy. Thanks for commenting. I’m so sorry. Other want to fix, and we just need to grieve – in our own way – in our own time. Keep breathing depply and taking your heart seriously. You are doing better than you know…
I was just told (again) yesterday that since it’s been 16 months since my partner died that it’s time for me to sell everything, put a few belongings in a U-Haul and move somewhere far away. Seriously? What would that gain me, aside from losing my complete support base and what little is left of my emotional foundation?
Yes, maybe the memories would be foggier without the constant visual cues, but the memories are what I have left of my beautiful beau and the happiest years of my life.
“Well, you’d make new memories in a new place,” people say. Maybe, maybe not. But if I’m going to make new memories, I’m sure I can do it where I live now just as easily. Anyway, new memories are overrated. I prefer to have the old ones keep me company for now.
Hi Tammy. Thanks for commenting. I’m so sorry. Other want to fix, and we just need to grieve – in our own way – in our own time. Keep breathing depply and taking your heart seriously. You are doing better than you know…
Thank you when I’m going through hell I will keep going through Christ.
Hi Gaydee. Yes, that’s it exactly. Well said. I will do the same. Blessings to you…
Thank you when I’m going through hell I will keep going through Christ.
Hi Gaydee. Yes, that’s it exactly. Well said. I will do the same. Blessings to you…
Thank you when I’m going through hell I will keep going through Christ.
Hi Gaydee. Yes, that’s it exactly. Well said. I will do the same. Blessings to you…
My grandma has been gone 24 years and mom 16 years. I still at times think, I need to call them as I haven’t talked to them in awhile, then reality hits me. Same with my grandson, I think, I could get this for Trent……..I will always grieve the loss as he was to carry my casket, I was not to bury him at age ten.
Hi Lucinda. I’m so sorry. Yes, losses like that change our world, and our futures. Ugh. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know.
I just lost my husband how will I ever get thru this horrible nightmare
Hi Lucinda. I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself. Please reach out here any time. You are not alone.
My grandma has been gone 24 years and mom 16 years. I still at times think, I need to call them as I haven’t talked to them in awhile, then reality hits me. Same with my grandson, I think, I could get this for Trent……..I will always grieve the loss as he was to carry my casket, I was not to bury him at age ten.
Hi Lucinda. I’m so sorry. Yes, losses like that change our world, and our futures. Ugh. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know.
My grandma has been gone 24 years and mom 16 years. I still at times think, I need to call them as I haven’t talked to them in awhile, then reality hits me. Same with my grandson, I think, I could get this for Trent……..I will always grieve the loss as he was to carry my casket, I was not to bury him at age ten.
Hi Lucinda. I’m so sorry. Yes, losses like that change our world, and our futures. Ugh. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know.
Thank you, Gary. I needed that boost in my grief.
Shirley Holub
Hi Shirley. Good to hear from you. Glad to be in this together!
Thank you, Gary. I needed that boost in my grief.
Shirley Holub
Hi Shirley. Good to hear from you. Glad to be in this together!
Thank you, Gary. I needed that boost in my grief.
Shirley Holub
Hi Shirley. Good to hear from you. Glad to be in this together!
Perfect timing after the week I had last week. TY
Hi Barb. Don’t you love weeks like that? I’m hoping this one is a little better. Blessings…
Perfect timing after the week I had last week. TY
Hi Barb. Don’t you love weeks like that? I’m hoping this one is a little better. Blessings…
Perfect timing after the week I had last week. TY
Hi Barb. Don’t you love weeks like that? I’m hoping this one is a little better. Blessings…
I’m not doing well. I lost Gene Oct 2015. I just don’t want to go on without him. I don’t know what I am going to do. This was a good post and I read all of your posts and send them on to my son. I do need help. Gayleen
Hi Gayleen. Your love for Gene is so clear. Our hearts are wired to love, and when separation, even temporary, takes place, it can be so painful. I’m so sorry. Praying for you now…
I’m not doing well. I lost Gene Oct 2015. I just don’t want to go on without him. I don’t know what I am going to do. This was a good post and I read all of your posts and send them on to my son. I do need help. Gayleen
Hi Gayleen. Your love for Gene is so clear. Our hearts are wired to love, and when separation, even temporary, takes place, it can be so painful. I’m so sorry. Praying for you now…
I’m not doing well. I lost Gene Oct 2015. I just don’t want to go on without him. I don’t know what I am going to do. This was a good post and I read all of your posts and send them on to my son. I do need help. Gayleen
Hi Gayleen. Your love for Gene is so clear. Our hearts are wired to love, and when separation, even temporary, takes place, it can be so painful. I’m so sorry. Praying for you now…
Thank you,
This really helped today, Thursday it will be. 18 months since I kissed my husband or held his hand.
Some people just do not understand.
Hi Gail. Thanks for commenting. I’m so sorry about your husband. And you’re right – no one really knows how you feel. It’s a lonely process, even though you’re not alone. Please continue to reach out as you need or want to. Blessings to you…
Thank you,
This really helped today, Thursday it will be. 18 months since I kissed my husband or held his hand.
Some people just do not understand.
Hi Gail. Thanks for commenting. I’m so sorry about your husband. And you’re right – no one really knows how you feel. It’s a lonely process, even though you’re not alone. Please continue to reach out as you need or want to. Blessings to you…
Thank you,
This really helped today, Thursday it will be. 18 months since I kissed my husband or held his hand.
Some people just do not understand.
Hi Gail. Thanks for commenting. I’m so sorry about your husband. And you’re right – no one really knows how you feel. It’s a lonely process, even though you’re not alone. Please continue to reach out as you need or want to. Blessings to you…
Not all your replies pertain to me, but today’s “Get OVER It” does. I am probably the worst at doing this. Every day is different & I tell myself, move on, get over it. My husband committed suicide in our home with the intention of suicide by cop. I stayed with him as long as I could but when he fired two random shots into the furniture I knew I had to go. Regret not being able to talk him out of it everyday. House repaired time moved on to 3 years. Some days ok but most filled with trying to get through a day I don’t sit & think what do I do to get to a happy excepting place.
Hi Shirley. Thanks for sharing. What a traumatic and complicated loss. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the internal and external stuff you’ve had to deal with and are dealing with. Sometimes, just getting through the day is a major feat. Thank you for your courage. If I can ever do anything to help, please let me know. Blessings…
Not all your replies pertain to me, but today’s “Get OVER It” does. I am probably the worst at doing this. Every day is different & I tell myself, move on, get over it. My husband committed suicide in our home with the intention of suicide by cop. I stayed with him as long as I could but when he fired two random shots into the furniture I knew I had to go. Regret not being able to talk him out of it everyday. House repaired time moved on to 3 years. Some days ok but most filled with trying to get through a day I don’t sit & think what do I do to get to a happy excepting place.
Hi Shirley. Thanks for sharing. What a traumatic and complicated loss. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the internal and external stuff you’ve had to deal with and are dealing with. Sometimes, just getting through the day is a major feat. Thank you for your courage. If I can ever do anything to help, please let me know. Blessings…
Not all your replies pertain to me, but today’s “Get OVER It” does. I am probably the worst at doing this. Every day is different & I tell myself, move on, get over it. My husband committed suicide in our home with the intention of suicide by cop. I stayed with him as long as I could but when he fired two random shots into the furniture I knew I had to go. Regret not being able to talk him out of it everyday. House repaired time moved on to 3 years. Some days ok but most filled with trying to get through a day I don’t sit & think what do I do to get to a happy excepting place.
Hi Shirley. Thanks for sharing. What a traumatic and complicated loss. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the internal and external stuff you’ve had to deal with and are dealing with. Sometimes, just getting through the day is a major feat. Thank you for your courage. If I can ever do anything to help, please let me know. Blessings…
This just happened to me!! My most supportive and helpful friend observed that though I am so brave and so strong and doing well living alone I am just not over losing Barry. (22 months) REALLY?????
I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself. We all need that.
This just happened to me!! My most supportive and helpful friend observed that though I am so brave and so strong and doing well living alone I am just not over losing Barry. (22 months) REALLY?????
I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself. We all need that.
This just happened to me!! My most supportive and helpful friend observed that though I am so brave and so strong and doing well living alone I am just not over losing Barry. (22 months) REALLY?????
I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself. We all need that.