Merry Christmas.
Not all of us feel merry. Perhaps none of us do.
For those in grief, this time will be emotional, hard, and unpredictable. This holiday is uncharted territory. We’ve never been here before, at this particular time and place. This can be unsettling and scary. Many of us are wondering about a lot of things.
In the midst of all the uncertainty of life, loss, and grief, here are three things I believe to be true. I hope they will be comforting to you somehow:
- You matter, more than you realize. I believe you are of priceless, eternal value. This is true about you no matter what happened in the past, or what happens in the future.
- Your loss matters. You’re missing someone you love. Your world had been upended, perhaps even shattered. That’s a big deal, because your loved one is a big deal.
- Your heart matters. Your heart has been hit, hard. Perhaps it’s broken. Take care of your heart. Take care of you. Honor your loved one and grieve. Grieve well.
You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You will make it.
I’m glad to be on this road with you.
Merry Christmas,
Gary
P.S. Here are some Holiday Affirmations (taken from Surviving the Holidays Without You) that might help:
- Even in my loss, this holiday can still be good. I’ll begin by managing my own and others’ expectations.
- My holidays will be different but they can still be good.
- I’ll feel alone sometimes. I need alone time, but I’ll be careful not to isolate myself.
- If I want to do the holidays well, I must pay attention to my heart.
- I will watch my “gas tank” carefully. This holiday I will choose what I’m going to do, when, and with whom.
- Safe people will help me stay grounded and sane. I will find and treasure them.
- I don’t have to leave my loved one behind. I can be creative and move on with them in new ways.
- God is with me in my grief. He is my comfort and healing.
Photo Credit: ©photodune.net
Thank you.
Thank you.
Gary,
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I can’t begin to tell you how much your postings have helped me.
Bless you, Rhonda. Thank you for your encouragement!
Gary,
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I can’t begin to tell you how much your postings have helped me.
Bless you, Rhonda. Thank you for your encouragement!
Gary,
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I can’t begin to tell you how much your postings have helped me.
Bless you, Rhonda. Thank you for your encouragement!
Hi Gary,
Pitch perfect as usual. The only thing I would add is, if it is possible for you to remember the joy with your loved one, do so. It’s OK to smile at a memory as well as tear up.
Because language is important to me, I’ve started using the phrase “move forward” instead of “move on” Move on seems to have the connotation of leaving someone behind while move forward seems more self-positive.
Be well and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with your family.
Marcie
Hi Marcie. I so love your comments! And you are so right – remembering the joy is huge. We do forget that. Thank you. Blessings to you!
Hi Gary,
Pitch perfect as usual. The only thing I would add is, if it is possible for you to remember the joy with your loved one, do so. It’s OK to smile at a memory as well as tear up.
Because language is important to me, I’ve started using the phrase “move forward” instead of “move on” Move on seems to have the connotation of leaving someone behind while move forward seems more self-positive.
Be well and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with your family.
Marcie
Hi Marcie. I so love your comments! And you are so right – remembering the joy is huge. We do forget that. Thank you. Blessings to you!
Hi Gary,
Pitch perfect as usual. The only thing I would add is, if it is possible for you to remember the joy with your loved one, do so. It’s OK to smile at a memory as well as tear up.
Because language is important to me, I’ve started using the phrase “move forward” instead of “move on” Move on seems to have the connotation of leaving someone behind while move forward seems more self-positive.
Be well and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with your family.
Marcie
Hi Marcie. I so love your comments! And you are so right – remembering the joy is huge. We do forget that. Thank you. Blessings to you!
Merry Christmas Gary
Merry Christmas Gary
Merry Christmas Gary
Thank you, Gary, for thinking of me during the holiday season. I lost my daughter, Shannon, on Thanksgiving Day 3 years ago. For some reason this year seems more difficult than the previous years grief. What I have found through attending a grief group that specifically is for the loss of a child, is this feeling will never go away. Losing a child, no matter the age, is the most painful thing I’ve endured. Every week before our group meeting starts, we pray that nobody new comes through the door. This is not a club that looks forward to new people because the pain is excruciating for new people and takes us back to our child’s death.
I wish you and your family the best this holiday season.
HI Nancy. I’m so sorry about Shannon. Yes, grief moves – it’s a moving target – and time does not necessarily mean things gets easier or less painful. You are so right. I’m glad you have the support you do, that’s huge. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Blessings to you, Nancy.
Thank you, Gary, for thinking of me during the holiday season. I lost my daughter, Shannon, on Thanksgiving Day 3 years ago. For some reason this year seems more difficult than the previous years grief. What I have found through attending a grief group that specifically is for the loss of a child, is this feeling will never go away. Losing a child, no matter the age, is the most painful thing I’ve endured. Every week before our group meeting starts, we pray that nobody new comes through the door. This is not a club that looks forward to new people because the pain is excruciating for new people and takes us back to our child’s death.
I wish you and your family the best this holiday season.
HI Nancy. I’m so sorry about Shannon. Yes, grief moves – it’s a moving target – and time does not necessarily mean things gets easier or less painful. You are so right. I’m glad you have the support you do, that’s huge. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Blessings to you, Nancy.
Thank you, Gary, for thinking of me during the holiday season. I lost my daughter, Shannon, on Thanksgiving Day 3 years ago. For some reason this year seems more difficult than the previous years grief. What I have found through attending a grief group that specifically is for the loss of a child, is this feeling will never go away. Losing a child, no matter the age, is the most painful thing I’ve endured. Every week before our group meeting starts, we pray that nobody new comes through the door. This is not a club that looks forward to new people because the pain is excruciating for new people and takes us back to our child’s death.
I wish you and your family the best this holiday season.
HI Nancy. I’m so sorry about Shannon. Yes, grief moves – it’s a moving target – and time does not necessarily mean things gets easier or less painful. You are so right. I’m glad you have the support you do, that’s huge. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Blessings to you, Nancy.
Useful advice. Thank you and have the best possible Christmas yourself.
Joy
Hi Joy. Thank you! Blessings to you…
Useful advice. Thank you and have the best possible Christmas yourself.
Joy
Hi Joy. Thank you! Blessings to you…
Useful advice. Thank you and have the best possible Christmas yourself.
Joy
Hi Joy. Thank you! Blessings to you…
Thanks Gary, and Merry Christmas to you. As we move forward in 2017 there will be days that I take 2 steps back but I know I can not stay in this place of deep grief and must continue to make the most of this precious life. God has blessed me so much and on my darkest days I turn my focus to blessings and try to help others.
Hi Janet. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so proud of you. Yes! We can use our grief and bless others – which leads to healing for ourselves. Blessings to you!
Thanks Gary, and Merry Christmas to you. As we move forward in 2017 there will be days that I take 2 steps back but I know I can not stay in this place of deep grief and must continue to make the most of this precious life. God has blessed me so much and on my darkest days I turn my focus to blessings and try to help others.
Hi Janet. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so proud of you. Yes! We can use our grief and bless others – which leads to healing for ourselves. Blessings to you!
Thanks Gary, and Merry Christmas to you. As we move forward in 2017 there will be days that I take 2 steps back but I know I can not stay in this place of deep grief and must continue to make the most of this precious life. God has blessed me so much and on my darkest days I turn my focus to blessings and try to help others.
Hi Janet. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so proud of you. Yes! We can use our grief and bless others – which leads to healing for ourselves. Blessings to you!
Thank you, Gary. I have read several of your books, gifted them to others, and recommended them often. It seems when you have lost a loved one that you see others all around you who are also grieving. This is my fifth Christmas without my beloved husband. My mother has been in a local nursing home under hospice care for several years now, and she died Nov. 10. She would have been 90 on Christmas Day. I grieve her passing in an entirely different way. My father, age 95, is in the same nursing home. Both were and are alert and aware and in the present mentally but physically depleted. I am seeing an excellent counselor at this time due to the almost unbearable stress of caregiving and continuing to own and operate my late husband’s business. And now I get to attend to the messy details of Mama’s will. It will be complicated. She was not easy to please, and I feel like she is still giving me lists and directions! But this will resolve itself too.
I appreciate your kind, compassionate approach to those of us who struggle.
Hi Aleta. Thanks for sharing. My goodness. You have so much going on. I just prayed for you. Life can be so heavy. Please feel free to reach out any time. Blessings to you…
Thank you, Gary. I have read several of your books, gifted them to others, and recommended them often. It seems when you have lost a loved one that you see others all around you who are also grieving. This is my fifth Christmas without my beloved husband. My mother has been in a local nursing home under hospice care for several years now, and she died Nov. 10. She would have been 90 on Christmas Day. I grieve her passing in an entirely different way. My father, age 95, is in the same nursing home. Both were and are alert and aware and in the present mentally but physically depleted. I am seeing an excellent counselor at this time due to the almost unbearable stress of caregiving and continuing to own and operate my late husband’s business. And now I get to attend to the messy details of Mama’s will. It will be complicated. She was not easy to please, and I feel like she is still giving me lists and directions! But this will resolve itself too.
I appreciate your kind, compassionate approach to those of us who struggle.
Hi Aleta. Thanks for sharing. My goodness. You have so much going on. I just prayed for you. Life can be so heavy. Please feel free to reach out any time. Blessings to you…
Thank you, Gary. I have read several of your books, gifted them to others, and recommended them often. It seems when you have lost a loved one that you see others all around you who are also grieving. This is my fifth Christmas without my beloved husband. My mother has been in a local nursing home under hospice care for several years now, and she died Nov. 10. She would have been 90 on Christmas Day. I grieve her passing in an entirely different way. My father, age 95, is in the same nursing home. Both were and are alert and aware and in the present mentally but physically depleted. I am seeing an excellent counselor at this time due to the almost unbearable stress of caregiving and continuing to own and operate my late husband’s business. And now I get to attend to the messy details of Mama’s will. It will be complicated. She was not easy to please, and I feel like she is still giving me lists and directions! But this will resolve itself too.
I appreciate your kind, compassionate approach to those of us who struggle.
Hi Aleta. Thanks for sharing. My goodness. You have so much going on. I just prayed for you. Life can be so heavy. Please feel free to reach out any time. Blessings to you…
Thanks, Gary, for your words of motivation. Right at this moment, I am feeling okay. My daughter passed away on May 19, 2016. She was only 43. She was my daughter, my friend, my confidant. Now she’s in Heaven. I know where she is. I know she is in my future. She is a spirit and I am a spirit. Death cannot separate us. I talk to her daily, as we did when she was here on earth. God designed it that way. I thank God for her and the way He designed us. She is just as real as my Savior, the Holy Spirit and my Heavenly Father. Jesus said He would ask the Father to send a comforter. And He did! We will have a balloon release this Christmas and say Merry Christmas to Kayla! God is good!
Hi Shirley. Thank you for sharing! You are so right. I’m proud of you. Loss can, if we’re willing, help focus us on what’s important, and what’s eternal. Thankful for you. You are a blessing!
Thanks, Gary, for your words of motivation. Right at this moment, I am feeling okay. My daughter passed away on May 19, 2016. She was only 43. She was my daughter, my friend, my confidant. Now she’s in Heaven. I know where she is. I know she is in my future. She is a spirit and I am a spirit. Death cannot separate us. I talk to her daily, as we did when she was here on earth. God designed it that way. I thank God for her and the way He designed us. She is just as real as my Savior, the Holy Spirit and my Heavenly Father. Jesus said He would ask the Father to send a comforter. And He did! We will have a balloon release this Christmas and say Merry Christmas to Kayla! God is good!
Hi Shirley. Thank you for sharing! You are so right. I’m proud of you. Loss can, if we’re willing, help focus us on what’s important, and what’s eternal. Thankful for you. You are a blessing!
Thanks, Gary, for your words of motivation. Right at this moment, I am feeling okay. My daughter passed away on May 19, 2016. She was only 43. She was my daughter, my friend, my confidant. Now she’s in Heaven. I know where she is. I know she is in my future. She is a spirit and I am a spirit. Death cannot separate us. I talk to her daily, as we did when she was here on earth. God designed it that way. I thank God for her and the way He designed us. She is just as real as my Savior, the Holy Spirit and my Heavenly Father. Jesus said He would ask the Father to send a comforter. And He did! We will have a balloon release this Christmas and say Merry Christmas to Kayla! God is good!
Hi Shirley. Thank you for sharing! You are so right. I’m proud of you. Loss can, if we’re willing, help focus us on what’s important, and what’s eternal. Thankful for you. You are a blessing!
Thank you for the encouraging words
Hi Janis. Thank you. Blessings to you!
Thank you for the encouraging words
Hi Janis. Thank you. Blessings to you!
Thank you for the encouraging words
Hi Janis. Thank you. Blessings to you!
Thank you! This time of the year is very, very tough as Trent was killed 12/7/2014. I do not decorate any longer or even put up a big tree. I put a fibre optic 2-3 foot tree up and sent out cards..that is it. I will be holding Christmas on Sunday but there is still that large void in the family. My daughter struggles daily with Trent’s death, such as I but it has gotten easier with time.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Gary!!
HI Lucinda. Thanks for sharing. No wonder this time of year is tough. I’m so sorry. Thank you for taking your heart seriously and processing your grief. Blessings to you! And thank you for your encouragement!
Thank you! This time of the year is very, very tough as Trent was killed 12/7/2014. I do not decorate any longer or even put up a big tree. I put a fibre optic 2-3 foot tree up and sent out cards..that is it. I will be holding Christmas on Sunday but there is still that large void in the family. My daughter struggles daily with Trent’s death, such as I but it has gotten easier with time.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Gary!!
HI Lucinda. Thanks for sharing. No wonder this time of year is tough. I’m so sorry. Thank you for taking your heart seriously and processing your grief. Blessings to you! And thank you for your encouragement!
Thank you! This time of the year is very, very tough as Trent was killed 12/7/2014. I do not decorate any longer or even put up a big tree. I put a fibre optic 2-3 foot tree up and sent out cards..that is it. I will be holding Christmas on Sunday but there is still that large void in the family. My daughter struggles daily with Trent’s death, such as I but it has gotten easier with time.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Gary!!
HI Lucinda. Thanks for sharing. No wonder this time of year is tough. I’m so sorry. Thank you for taking your heart seriously and processing your grief. Blessings to you! And thank you for your encouragement!
Thank you, Gary. May God bless you as richly as you bless others!
Kay Van Dorn
Hello Kay. I’ll take that! Thank you!
Thank you, Gary. May God bless you as richly as you bless others!
Kay Van Dorn
Hello Kay. I’ll take that! Thank you!
Thank you, Gary. May God bless you as richly as you bless others!
Kay Van Dorn
Hello Kay. I’ll take that! Thank you!
Thanks Gary, I needed that. My husbandd got his wings three years ago on the 15th of December. I miss him terribly, but I keep him in my heart. You are truly a blessing.
Hello Thelma. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for your words of encouragement. Blessings to you…
Thanks Gary, I needed that. My husbandd got his wings three years ago on the 15th of December. I miss him terribly, but I keep him in my heart. You are truly a blessing.
Hello Thelma. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for your words of encouragement. Blessings to you…
Thanks Gary, I needed that. My husbandd got his wings three years ago on the 15th of December. I miss him terribly, but I keep him in my heart. You are truly a blessing.
Hello Thelma. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for your words of encouragement. Blessings to you…
Merry Christmas and Happt New Year to you too.
Thank you for your encouragement.
HI Joanne. Thank you! Blessings to you…
Merry Christmas and Happt New Year to you too.
Thank you for your encouragement.
HI Joanne. Thank you! Blessings to you…
Merry Christmas and Happt New Year to you too.
Thank you for your encouragement.
HI Joanne. Thank you! Blessings to you…
Thank you so much, Gary! Thank you for all that you do for the grieving community. Have a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!
Hi Justine. Thank you for your kindness. I’m so glad we’re not alone. Blessings…
Thank you so much, Gary! Thank you for all that you do for the grieving community. Have a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!
Hi Justine. Thank you for your kindness. I’m so glad we’re not alone. Blessings…
Thank you so much, Gary! Thank you for all that you do for the grieving community. Have a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!
Hi Justine. Thank you for your kindness. I’m so glad we’re not alone. Blessings…
Thank you for your support, comforting words and caring, The second year the pain is no less, maybe worse, but I can speak his name now without a flood breaking over the walls I have built around my heart.
Christmas will never be the joy it once was but some of that is my age, I have found a deeper meaning of this season, that is my Savior. Since losing my husband. I have a deeper relationship with the Lord than I ever imagined. I am looking forward to the day we are reunited again, forever.
God bless you and yours, may your Christmas be the best with Christ at the center?
Hi Betty. Thank you for sharing. You are so right. With Christ at the center, grief changes. Jesus gives us perspective, though the pain remains. We’re created for relationship, so I guess that’s not surprising. Blessings to you, Betty. Yes, Christ at the center…
Thank you for your support, comforting words and caring, The second year the pain is no less, maybe worse, but I can speak his name now without a flood breaking over the walls I have built around my heart.
Christmas will never be the joy it once was but some of that is my age, I have found a deeper meaning of this season, that is my Savior. Since losing my husband. I have a deeper relationship with the Lord than I ever imagined. I am looking forward to the day we are reunited again, forever.
God bless you and yours, may your Christmas be the best with Christ at the center?
Hi Betty. Thank you for sharing. You are so right. With Christ at the center, grief changes. Jesus gives us perspective, though the pain remains. We’re created for relationship, so I guess that’s not surprising. Blessings to you, Betty. Yes, Christ at the center…
Thank you for your support, comforting words and caring, The second year the pain is no less, maybe worse, but I can speak his name now without a flood breaking over the walls I have built around my heart.
Christmas will never be the joy it once was but some of that is my age, I have found a deeper meaning of this season, that is my Savior. Since losing my husband. I have a deeper relationship with the Lord than I ever imagined. I am looking forward to the day we are reunited again, forever.
God bless you and yours, may your Christmas be the best with Christ at the center?
Hi Betty. Thank you for sharing. You are so right. With Christ at the center, grief changes. Jesus gives us perspective, though the pain remains. We’re created for relationship, so I guess that’s not surprising. Blessings to you, Betty. Yes, Christ at the center…
Thank you for caring, Gary. Your words have comforted me immensely. Merry Christmas and Happy 2017 to us all!!
Thank you, Paulette. Glad to be in this together!
Thank you for caring, Gary. Your words have comforted me immensely. Merry Christmas and Happy 2017 to us all!!
Thank you, Paulette. Glad to be in this together!
Thank you for caring, Gary. Your words have comforted me immensely. Merry Christmas and Happy 2017 to us all!!
Thank you, Paulette. Glad to be in this together!