Merry Christmas.
Not all of us feel merry. Perhaps none of us do.
For those in grief, this time will be emotional, hard, and unpredictable. This holiday is uncharted territory. We’ve never been here before, at this particular time and place. This can be unsettling and scary. Many of us are wondering about a lot of things.
In the midst of all the uncertainty of life, loss, and grief, here are three things I believe to be true. I hope they will be comforting to you somehow:
- You matter, more than you realize. I believe you are of priceless, eternal value. This is true about you no matter what happened in the past, or what happens in the future.
- Your loss matters. You’re missing someone you love. Your world had been upended, perhaps even shattered. That’s a big deal, because your loved one is a big deal.
- Your heart matters. Your heart has been hit, hard. Perhaps it’s broken. Take care of your heart. Take care of you. Honor your loved one and grieve. Grieve well.
You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You will make it.
I’m glad to be on this road with you.
Merry Christmas,
Gary
P.S. Here are some Holiday Affirmations (taken from Surviving the Holidays Without You) that might help:
- Even in my loss, this holiday can still be good. I’ll begin by managing my own and others’ expectations.
- My holidays will be different but they can still be good.
- I’ll feel alone sometimes. I need alone time, but I’ll be careful not to isolate myself.
- If I want to do the holidays well, I must pay attention to my heart.
- I will watch my “gas tank” carefully. This holiday I will choose what I’m going to do, when, and with whom.
- Safe people will help me stay grounded and sane. I will find and treasure them.
- I don’t have to leave my loved one behind. I can be creative and move on with them in new ways.
- God is with me in my grief. He is my comfort and healing.
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I just found a couple of your books on Amazon. I’m losing my father in pieces from Oct 29th of this year until now. He is on a ventilator and I know he never wanted that. He got West Nile virus in USA Georgia and unfortunately led to brain infection and spinal infection and he is paralyzed from below eyes. Sometimes he will open them, some days not at all. He is still on a ventilator, feeding tube, trach and watching him for the first 5 weeks living in a hospital with him, I totally crashed. I’ve been back and forth since then 3 hour drives. It’s Christmas Eve. I know I’m an adult woman but my daddy was the one that always made Christmas happy. Not by buying gifts but much more. Not so much with the mother. I have been a medical provider for 30 years and this I have no control over and I know what is coming soon. Others in the family in total denial. I know my daddy would never want to live this way.. I don’t know what aspect is worse. My daddy would get me a huge container of fat lighter from the pine sap trees and always bring it to me on Christmas day. I will miss that forever now and I miss his voice. I know it’s not the right way to handle it but I have just stayed home for Christmas and closed the door in my bedroom. I just want Christmas to go away.
Hi Jennifer. I’m so sorry. How awful. And how frustrating. I can’t imagine what that would be like. How did Christmas go?
not really good. I did not go to the hospital. I stayed home and closed the door in a room. My husband doesn’t understand. he stays on the computer and is unavailable. I do not have a job now as I was in between jobs when this happen and I don’t think I can do that right now with all this going on.but in not working brings a whole new set of problems. I am tempted to just leave.
HI Jennifer. I’m so sorry. I’m just now reading your comment. No wonder you feel as you do. It sounds very lonely and isolated. I’m praying for you now…
I just found a couple of your books on Amazon. I’m losing my father in pieces from Oct 29th of this year until now. He is on a ventilator and I know he never wanted that. He got West Nile virus in USA Georgia and unfortunately led to brain infection and spinal infection and he is paralyzed from below eyes. Sometimes he will open them, some days not at all. He is still on a ventilator, feeding tube, trach and watching him for the first 5 weeks living in a hospital with him, I totally crashed. I’ve been back and forth since then 3 hour drives. It’s Christmas Eve. I know I’m an adult woman but my daddy was the one that always made Christmas happy. Not by buying gifts but much more. Not so much with the mother. I have been a medical provider for 30 years and this I have no control over and I know what is coming soon. Others in the family in total denial. I know my daddy would never want to live this way.. I don’t know what aspect is worse. My daddy would get me a huge container of fat lighter from the pine sap trees and always bring it to me on Christmas day. I will miss that forever now and I miss his voice. I know it’s not the right way to handle it but I have just stayed home for Christmas and closed the door in my bedroom. I just want Christmas to go away.
Hi Jennifer. I’m so sorry. How awful. And how frustrating. I can’t imagine what that would be like. How did Christmas go?
not really good. I did not go to the hospital. I stayed home and closed the door in a room. My husband doesn’t understand. he stays on the computer and is unavailable. I do not have a job now as I was in between jobs when this happen and I don’t think I can do that right now with all this going on.but in not working brings a whole new set of problems. I am tempted to just leave.
HI Jennifer. I’m so sorry. I’m just now reading your comment. No wonder you feel as you do. It sounds very lonely and isolated. I’m praying for you now…