Kids dream. For them, anything is possible.
Then we grow up.
We take some hits. Life doesn’t go the way we planned. We lose – relationships, jobs, opportunities, and people.
The dreams morph over time. Then, well, they mostly disappear. And our broken hearts settle for what is.
When people die, some dreams do too
“My dreams are gone. Anything I thought I wanted to do disappeared. The goals are no more. It was all tied to him,” Renee said.
“I miss the future with him. It’s not there anymore,” she shared.
When Renee’s husband died, her future was turned upside down. Anything they had planned together was erased. Her dreams, hopes, and goals died with him.
Loss is like an earthquake
You know this if you’ve lost someone close: the earthquake hits, and then the aftershocks continue. Collateral damage starts to appear, and can continue to surface for months, even years later.
Then you’re faced with not only the pain, but massive rebuilding. The key is to not be in a hurry. This isn’t a sprint. As you focus on taking care of yourself and healing well, you’ll be able later to handle the challenges of remaking the future – one step at a time.
An affirmation for today:
“My dreams are shattered. I’ll focus on healing well, and retool the future when it’s time.”
Grieving and healing take great courage. You are braver than you realize.
Adapted from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (Amazon Bestseller, USA Best Book Awards Finalist, National Indie Excellence Book Award Finalist).
Photo Credit: ©photodune.net
16 months without my love, and I long for him more than ever. Having both been burned in our first marriages, we never married each other. Now after court battles with his family members, his ex-wife’s family members demanding I give them his cars, etc., I understand how foolish we were not to make our relationship official. He really left me a mess.
And once I prevailed in the legal skirmishes, I made some poor financial decisions because I just wasn’t thinking right. I’ve wasted a ton of $$$ remodeling a house I’ll probably never live in. I have nowhere to go, no family to turn to and nothing to do except work.
After fighting the world for more than a year – inside and outside of courtrooms – I realize I didn’t win anything at all, because all I really want is to have him back in my arms. And I want our dreams back. I don’t want to start over with anyone else, if that were even an option. I’m only 56 and can’t believe I might be on planet Earth another 25-30 years without a partner.
Hi Tammy. I’m so sorry. Loss upon loss. So much is beyond our control. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. We trip along, hoping to stumble forward. In other words, you are not alone. And yes, you’re right – all of this is related to just wanting him back – and that’s natural. Thankfully, now is not forever, and these feelings will most likely change with time. But you will always miss him. Always. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Again, I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing.
16 months without my love, and I long for him more than ever. Having both been burned in our first marriages, we never married each other. Now after court battles with his family members, his ex-wife’s family members demanding I give them his cars, etc., I understand how foolish we were not to make our relationship official. He really left me a mess.
And once I prevailed in the legal skirmishes, I made some poor financial decisions because I just wasn’t thinking right. I’ve wasted a ton of $$$ remodeling a house I’ll probably never live in. I have nowhere to go, no family to turn to and nothing to do except work.
After fighting the world for more than a year – inside and outside of courtrooms – I realize I didn’t win anything at all, because all I really want is to have him back in my arms. And I want our dreams back. I don’t want to start over with anyone else, if that were even an option. I’m only 56 and can’t believe I might be on planet Earth another 25-30 years without a partner.
Hi Tammy. I’m so sorry. Loss upon loss. So much is beyond our control. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. We trip along, hoping to stumble forward. In other words, you are not alone. And yes, you’re right – all of this is related to just wanting him back – and that’s natural. Thankfully, now is not forever, and these feelings will most likely change with time. But you will always miss him. Always. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Again, I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing.
My lovely wife died on the4-10-2016 , we had been together for 37 years , have 3 children , retired early to a cottage in the country. Going to live the dream , chickens , sheep and growing vegetables. Sharon died suddenly at the age of 56 I miss her so much , she is my life and I don’t feel as if I can go on without her . Everything now seems pointless, even getting a shave I think to myself what’s the point Sharon’s not here to say oh you’ve had a shave are we going out .
Oh no. I’m so sorry about Sharon. What a terrible shock, and I Know that’s putting it mildly. And then over time, the loss sinks in, and the heart, well, shakes and breaks and shatters. Please stay connected to others, and be patient with yourself. Reach out when you want or need to. Don’t try to do this alone. None of us can. We’re in it together. Please feel free to make contact here any time.
My lovely wife died on the4-10-2016 , we had been together for 37 years , have 3 children , retired early to a cottage in the country. Going to live the dream , chickens , sheep and growing vegetables. Sharon died suddenly at the age of 56 I miss her so much , she is my life and I don’t feel as if I can go on without her . Everything now seems pointless, even getting a shave I think to myself what’s the point Sharon’s not here to say oh you’ve had a shave are we going out .
Oh no. I’m so sorry about Sharon. What a terrible shock, and I Know that’s putting it mildly. And then over time, the loss sinks in, and the heart, well, shakes and breaks and shatters. Please stay connected to others, and be patient with yourself. Reach out when you want or need to. Don’t try to do this alone. None of us can. We’re in it together. Please feel free to make contact here any time.
My lovely wife died on the4-10-2016 , we had been together for 37 years , have 3 children , retired early to a cottage in the country. Going to live the dream , chickens , sheep and growing vegetables. Sharon died suddenly at the age of 56 I miss her so much , she is my life and I don’t feel as if I can go on without her . Everything now seems pointless, even getting a shave I think to myself what’s the point Sharon’s not here to say oh you’ve had a shave are we going out .
Oh no. I’m so sorry about Sharon. What a terrible shock, and I Know that’s putting it mildly. And then over time, the loss sinks in, and the heart, well, shakes and breaks and shatters. Please stay connected to others, and be patient with yourself. Reach out when you want or need to. Don’t try to do this alone. None of us can. We’re in it together. Please feel free to make contact here any time.
My dear beloved son, Mark, died 10/13/16, 3 days after his 29th birthday. He committed suicide. He lived for 8 days in an irreversible The chaplain at the hospital called and told me to come out to Sacramento , they weren’t sure how long he might live. I flew out the next day. I was in shock when U saw him. I prayed and prayed that God would perform a miracle and bring him back. I stayed with Mark for the 8 days before he dies. I talked to him about everything, over and over. I played him I yelled for him to was The Eagles and I hoped he could hear me, the music. I held his hand all day. I slept in a chair in his room I wanted him to live but as his condition worsened I asked God to please take him. It was heart wrenching . The excruciating pain I feel is so intense at times that I can hardly breath. He was my love, my beautiful loving son. I didn’t know he was in so much pain. He called me 3 hrs. before he died. I cannot believe he is gone.
HI Barbara. Oh no. I’m so, so sorry about Mark. Thank you for sharing him with us, and your story of your final days with him. I felt a small part of your pain, I believe, as I read. I can’t imagine. And this is still so fresh too. Please be kind to yourself and stay connected to people who support you well. And feel free to email me any time.
My dear beloved son, Mark, died 10/13/16, 3 days after his 29th birthday. He committed suicide. He lived for 8 days in an irreversible The chaplain at the hospital called and told me to come out to Sacramento , they weren’t sure how long he might live. I flew out the next day. I was in shock when U saw him. I prayed and prayed that God would perform a miracle and bring him back. I stayed with Mark for the 8 days before he dies. I talked to him about everything, over and over. I played him I yelled for him to was The Eagles and I hoped he could hear me, the music. I held his hand all day. I slept in a chair in his room I wanted him to live but as his condition worsened I asked God to please take him. It was heart wrenching . The excruciating pain I feel is so intense at times that I can hardly breath. He was my love, my beautiful loving son. I didn’t know he was in so much pain. He called me 3 hrs. before he died. I cannot believe he is gone.
HI Barbara. Oh no. I’m so, so sorry about Mark. Thank you for sharing him with us, and your story of your final days with him. I felt a small part of your pain, I believe, as I read. I can’t imagine. And this is still so fresh too. Please be kind to yourself and stay connected to people who support you well. And feel free to email me any time.
My dear beloved son, Mark, died 10/13/16, 3 days after his 29th birthday. He committed suicide. He lived for 8 days in an irreversible The chaplain at the hospital called and told me to come out to Sacramento , they weren’t sure how long he might live. I flew out the next day. I was in shock when U saw him. I prayed and prayed that God would perform a miracle and bring him back. I stayed with Mark for the 8 days before he dies. I talked to him about everything, over and over. I played him I yelled for him to was The Eagles and I hoped he could hear me, the music. I held his hand all day. I slept in a chair in his room I wanted him to live but as his condition worsened I asked God to please take him. It was heart wrenching . The excruciating pain I feel is so intense at times that I can hardly breath. He was my love, my beautiful loving son. I didn’t know he was in so much pain. He called me 3 hrs. before he died. I cannot believe he is gone.
HI Barbara. Oh no. I’m so, so sorry about Mark. Thank you for sharing him with us, and your story of your final days with him. I felt a small part of your pain, I believe, as I read. I can’t imagine. And this is still so fresh too. Please be kind to yourself and stay connected to people who support you well. And feel free to email me any time.
My son is gone. My future is gone. my dreams and happiness is gone. There is no joy only sadness and tears. My son is gone. I wish God had taken me instead. I sleep because there is a chance I might see him in my dreams. All I want to do is sleep.
Hi Robin. I’m so sorry. The pain must be incredible. I can’t imagine. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Is there anyone where you are that you can share with freely, without fear of judgment? We all need people like that who will walk with us in our pain.
My son is gone. My future is gone. my dreams and happiness is gone. There is no joy only sadness and tears. My son is gone. I wish God had taken me instead. I sleep because there is a chance I might see him in my dreams. All I want to do is sleep.
Hi Robin. I’m so sorry. The pain must be incredible. I can’t imagine. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Is there anyone where you are that you can share with freely, without fear of judgment? We all need people like that who will walk with us in our pain.
My son is gone. My future is gone. my dreams and happiness is gone. There is no joy only sadness and tears. My son is gone. I wish God had taken me instead. I sleep because there is a chance I might see him in my dreams. All I want to do is sleep.
Hi Robin. I’m so sorry. The pain must be incredible. I can’t imagine. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Is there anyone where you are that you can share with freely, without fear of judgment? We all need people like that who will walk with us in our pain.
I thank God for our precious memories…..i’ve just turned 70, Monica and I finally married in 2008 after previous relationships on both sides, we met when we were 15/16 and stayed friends throughout our life…..I loved her from our first meeting but parents considered we didn’t know our own minds……in those days you had a great respect for them and didn’t argue, but that couldn’t change how we both felt about each other….our marriage was the “icing on the cake”…….regrettably she died in Feb this year from a rare form of cancer but I feel enormously privileged and honoured to have shared her life……a huge part of me went with her when God called her home and my life will never be the same again……difficult days, days to take one at a time. I will always love her, that will never change.
HI Brian. Thank you for sharing Monica with us. I’m so sorry. Your love for her is so obvious and evident. And what a blessing your relationship must have been. Yes, life will never be the same. Difficult days…yes. One at a time…sometimes it’s one moment at a time. And you’re right – love endures, and your love surely will. Blessings to you…
I thank God for our precious memories…..i’ve just turned 70, Monica and I finally married in 2008 after previous relationships on both sides, we met when we were 15/16 and stayed friends throughout our life…..I loved her from our first meeting but parents considered we didn’t know our own minds……in those days you had a great respect for them and didn’t argue, but that couldn’t change how we both felt about each other….our marriage was the “icing on the cake”…….regrettably she died in Feb this year from a rare form of cancer but I feel enormously privileged and honoured to have shared her life……a huge part of me went with her when God called her home and my life will never be the same again……difficult days, days to take one at a time. I will always love her, that will never change.
HI Brian. Thank you for sharing Monica with us. I’m so sorry. Your love for her is so obvious and evident. And what a blessing your relationship must have been. Yes, life will never be the same. Difficult days…yes. One at a time…sometimes it’s one moment at a time. And you’re right – love endures, and your love surely will. Blessings to you…
I thank God for our precious memories…..i’ve just turned 70, Monica and I finally married in 2008 after previous relationships on both sides, we met when we were 15/16 and stayed friends throughout our life…..I loved her from our first meeting but parents considered we didn’t know our own minds……in those days you had a great respect for them and didn’t argue, but that couldn’t change how we both felt about each other….our marriage was the “icing on the cake”…….regrettably she died in Feb this year from a rare form of cancer but I feel enormously privileged and honoured to have shared her life……a huge part of me went with her when God called her home and my life will never be the same again……difficult days, days to take one at a time. I will always love her, that will never change.
HI Brian. Thank you for sharing Monica with us. I’m so sorry. Your love for her is so obvious and evident. And what a blessing your relationship must have been. Yes, life will never be the same. Difficult days…yes. One at a time…sometimes it’s one moment at a time. And you’re right – love endures, and your love surely will. Blessings to you…
Hi Gary,
It has been 12 years since our son left our earthly home for his heavenly one; he was 20 years of age at the time of his accident. Neither, my husband, nor I, are the same people we were before his sudden, unanticipated death. We will never get to see him graduate from college, get his first real job, meet the girl of his dreams, marry and raise a family. So many hopes and dreams lost forever.
His sister, though happily married with one child and eager to have at least two more children, misses her brother, having lost her only sibling and all the future memories they would have made together, as well as someone to share old family memories with.
Our present and future is not the one we had planned or expected. I left my career of 28 years, went back to school and graduated with a Masters degree in mental health counseling. I completed the degree my son never had the chance to finish; I feel connected to him through the work that I do each day. I’d give it all back, in a heartbeat, if We could have him here with us today.
Lynn, thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. And I’m so, so glad you’re honoring him by turning the grief into helping others heal and grow. I’m so proud of you — if I can say that! I’m glad we’re in this together. Let’s make a difference, shall we?? And yes, we would certainly give it all up to have them back…
Hi Gary,
It has been 12 years since our son left our earthly home for his heavenly one; he was 20 years of age at the time of his accident. Neither, my husband, nor I, are the same people we were before his sudden, unanticipated death. We will never get to see him graduate from college, get his first real job, meet the girl of his dreams, marry and raise a family. So many hopes and dreams lost forever.
His sister, though happily married with one child and eager to have at least two more children, misses her brother, having lost her only sibling and all the future memories they would have made together, as well as someone to share old family memories with.
Our present and future is not the one we had planned or expected. I left my career of 28 years, went back to school and graduated with a Masters degree in mental health counseling. I completed the degree my son never had the chance to finish; I feel connected to him through the work that I do each day. I’d give it all back, in a heartbeat, if We could have him here with us today.
Lynn, thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. And I’m so, so glad you’re honoring him by turning the grief into helping others heal and grow. I’m so proud of you — if I can say that! I’m glad we’re in this together. Let’s make a difference, shall we?? And yes, we would certainly give it all up to have them back…
Hi Gary,
It has been 12 years since our son left our earthly home for his heavenly one; he was 20 years of age at the time of his accident. Neither, my husband, nor I, are the same people we were before his sudden, unanticipated death. We will never get to see him graduate from college, get his first real job, meet the girl of his dreams, marry and raise a family. So many hopes and dreams lost forever.
His sister, though happily married with one child and eager to have at least two more children, misses her brother, having lost her only sibling and all the future memories they would have made together, as well as someone to share old family memories with.
Our present and future is not the one we had planned or expected. I left my career of 28 years, went back to school and graduated with a Masters degree in mental health counseling. I completed the degree my son never had the chance to finish; I feel connected to him through the work that I do each day. I’d give it all back, in a heartbeat, if We could have him here with us today.
Lynn, thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. And I’m so, so glad you’re honoring him by turning the grief into helping others heal and grow. I’m so proud of you — if I can say that! I’m glad we’re in this together. Let’s make a difference, shall we?? And yes, we would certainly give it all up to have them back…
Lost my love 2 1/2 yrs ago. We were together for 40 yrs. he was everything to me. The last 8 yrs he suffered from cancer and I held his hand through it all. Would do it again just had a total hip replacement operation and a melt down when I got home. Miss everything about him. His birthday wiould have been this Saturday and our 43 anniversary Friday. How do I make it through these rough times. Friends all seem to have left me and how much can I expect of my two grown up daughters. I’m lonely. So alone. Miss him every minute of everyday. So many phonies out there. How do u know when a good heart enters? Thank you
Hi Jo-anne. Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful marriage you had. And 8 years of cancer, wow…that had to be hard, draining, and exhausting. Thank you for taking care of him. Of course you miss him – how could you not? And yes, loneliness is usually the number one thing most of us struggle with over time. And yes again, there are many, many phonies out there – but plenty of good, real, and authentic harts too. How do we know the difference? Time and wisdom, I think. Observe them. What are their relationships like? Are they generous, genuine, compassionate? Do their words match their actions? Do they over-promise but under-deliver? What’s their track record of relationships so far? Most of all…take your time. Don’t get in a hurry. It’s not worth it. And stay connected with people who know grief!
Lost my love 2 1/2 yrs ago. We were together for 40 yrs. he was everything to me. The last 8 yrs he suffered from cancer and I held his hand through it all. Would do it again just had a total hip replacement operation and a melt down when I got home. Miss everything about him. His birthday wiould have been this Saturday and our 43 anniversary Friday. How do I make it through these rough times. Friends all seem to have left me and how much can I expect of my two grown up daughters. I’m lonely. So alone. Miss him every minute of everyday. So many phonies out there. How do u know when a good heart enters? Thank you
Hi Jo-anne. Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful marriage you had. And 8 years of cancer, wow…that had to be hard, draining, and exhausting. Thank you for taking care of him. Of course you miss him – how could you not? And yes, loneliness is usually the number one thing most of us struggle with over time. And yes again, there are many, many phonies out there – but plenty of good, real, and authentic harts too. How do we know the difference? Time and wisdom, I think. Observe them. What are their relationships like? Are they generous, genuine, compassionate? Do their words match their actions? Do they over-promise but under-deliver? What’s their track record of relationships so far? Most of all…take your time. Don’t get in a hurry. It’s not worth it. And stay connected with people who know grief!
Lost my love 2 1/2 yrs ago. We were together for 40 yrs. he was everything to me. The last 8 yrs he suffered from cancer and I held his hand through it all. Would do it again just had a total hip replacement operation and a melt down when I got home. Miss everything about him. His birthday wiould have been this Saturday and our 43 anniversary Friday. How do I make it through these rough times. Friends all seem to have left me and how much can I expect of my two grown up daughters. I’m lonely. So alone. Miss him every minute of everyday. So many phonies out there. How do u know when a good heart enters? Thank you
Hi Jo-anne. Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful marriage you had. And 8 years of cancer, wow…that had to be hard, draining, and exhausting. Thank you for taking care of him. Of course you miss him – how could you not? And yes, loneliness is usually the number one thing most of us struggle with over time. And yes again, there are many, many phonies out there – but plenty of good, real, and authentic harts too. How do we know the difference? Time and wisdom, I think. Observe them. What are their relationships like? Are they generous, genuine, compassionate? Do their words match their actions? Do they over-promise but under-deliver? What’s their track record of relationships so far? Most of all…take your time. Don’t get in a hurry. It’s not worth it. And stay connected with people who know grief!
I lost my wife after 33 years marriage to Cancer,alitte over 18 months ago.It for Jesus Christ in my life.I still very lonely for my wife love back in life.Jesus helps with all the pain and lonely.I have alot of friends on my prayer list.I in VA Medical Center have some medical problems.I been here 8 years.
HI Henry. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your wife. Cancer is an awful disease and so many have been affected by it. I’m so glad for your faith. Jesus knows our grief and our loneliness. He walks with us in our stuff. I’m glad you’re trusting Him. That will make all the difference. I’m praying for you now, and these medical issues you mentioned. Be encouraged. You are deeply loved.
Thank-you,I know understand how Our Father can make you look at things in different ways.I have my savor more close to my heart and into my Life.I still miss the Lovely times I had with my wife.I don’t know if another person can fill-in void,I feel in my heart.I just hard not to be hutt again.Then I marry my wife if for death till us part.But no-one told us how much will hurt if,one die.
Hi Henry. How right you are. And well said. Thank you. Nothing could prepare us for this…
I lost my wife after 33 years marriage to Cancer,alitte over 18 months ago.It for Jesus Christ in my life.I still very lonely for my wife love back in life.Jesus helps with all the pain and lonely.I have alot of friends on my prayer list.I in VA Medical Center have some medical problems.I been here 8 years.
HI Henry. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your wife. Cancer is an awful disease and so many have been affected by it. I’m so glad for your faith. Jesus knows our grief and our loneliness. He walks with us in our stuff. I’m glad you’re trusting Him. That will make all the difference. I’m praying for you now, and these medical issues you mentioned. Be encouraged. You are deeply loved.
Thank-you,I know understand how Our Father can make you look at things in different ways.I have my savor more close to my heart and into my Life.I still miss the Lovely times I had with my wife.I don’t know if another person can fill-in void,I feel in my heart.I just hard not to be hutt again.Then I marry my wife if for death till us part.But no-one told us how much will hurt if,one die.
Hi Henry. How right you are. And well said. Thank you. Nothing could prepare us for this…
I lost my wife after 33 years marriage to Cancer,alitte over 18 months ago.It for Jesus Christ in my life.I still very lonely for my wife love back in life.Jesus helps with all the pain and lonely.I have alot of friends on my prayer list.I in VA Medical Center have some medical problems.I been here 8 years.
HI Henry. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your wife. Cancer is an awful disease and so many have been affected by it. I’m so glad for your faith. Jesus knows our grief and our loneliness. He walks with us in our stuff. I’m glad you’re trusting Him. That will make all the difference. I’m praying for you now, and these medical issues you mentioned. Be encouraged. You are deeply loved.
Thank-you,I know understand how Our Father can make you look at things in different ways.I have my savor more close to my heart and into my Life.I still miss the Lovely times I had with my wife.I don’t know if another person can fill-in void,I feel in my heart.I just hard not to be hutt again.Then I marry my wife if for death till us part.But no-one told us how much will hurt if,one die.
Hi Henry. How right you are. And well said. Thank you. Nothing could prepare us for this…
My biggest dream was for us to make it to our tenth wedding anniversary, but we only made it to about seven and a half. If I count from the day we had our “first” adult date, we did make ten years.
I met Phil,when I was in seventh grade. He was one of my teachers. First impression was total fear, but by the end of eighth grade, I was “in love”. Our names doodled in my notebooks, by me. Tears on the last day of school. But we became friends, in the purest sense. Kept in touch four or five times a year, and I would visit him at school when I had time. My soul is old. I was the baby of my family by ten years. I went to all four elementary schools in my town, plus the Jr high and on to regional high school. Knew lots of people, but no real, true close friends, except Phil. When his first wife passed suddenly, he chose me to form a new “link of trust” as he liked to call it. We had a rather full life together in the short time we had. He had a second stroke in 2011 and I morphed from wife to advocate and care giver. I know it sounds greedy, but I wanted more time. Now, I only dream of the time I get to be with him again. Memories are like sharp swords. People are crueler than I ever imagined. I’m trying to give myself time, but it’s literally making me physically sick. Other than that, there are no more hopes, no more dreams. Just lots and lots of tears and pretending, so anyone around me doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Grief has just sucked the life and joy out of my life. I have no purpose…..
Hi Barb. You have been through so much. Your love for Phil is so rich, and so deep. I’m so sorry – this loss is so very big. Memories like sharp swords – yes, I can see that, and almost feel it. And yes, we pretend a lot in our world, don’t we? It’s almost as if we spend most of our time being actors and actresses on some kind of stage. I don’t think God wants it that way. I believe He created us to be honest, real, and authentic. We, on the other hand, have developed mask=wearing into an art. Sigh. I’m praying for you now…
Barb……….I feel for you so much, life can be so cruel, my wife and I had a lifelong friendship but only married some 8 years ago…….precious, precious years with no arguments…….as you get older you realise just how important and fleeting time is and losing her just compounds the feeling……the time we had was never long enough and just 6 months after her death its still so hard being on my own.
I wish you well for the future.
Hi Brian. Thanks for your comment and support. Yes, it’s hard, hard, hard. I’m so sorry. And no – the time is never long enough. We were so blessed.
My biggest dream was for us to make it to our tenth wedding anniversary, but we only made it to about seven and a half. If I count from the day we had our “first” adult date, we did make ten years.
I met Phil,when I was in seventh grade. He was one of my teachers. First impression was total fear, but by the end of eighth grade, I was “in love”. Our names doodled in my notebooks, by me. Tears on the last day of school. But we became friends, in the purest sense. Kept in touch four or five times a year, and I would visit him at school when I had time. My soul is old. I was the baby of my family by ten years. I went to all four elementary schools in my town, plus the Jr high and on to regional high school. Knew lots of people, but no real, true close friends, except Phil. When his first wife passed suddenly, he chose me to form a new “link of trust” as he liked to call it. We had a rather full life together in the short time we had. He had a second stroke in 2011 and I morphed from wife to advocate and care giver. I know it sounds greedy, but I wanted more time. Now, I only dream of the time I get to be with him again. Memories are like sharp swords. People are crueler than I ever imagined. I’m trying to give myself time, but it’s literally making me physically sick. Other than that, there are no more hopes, no more dreams. Just lots and lots of tears and pretending, so anyone around me doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Grief has just sucked the life and joy out of my life. I have no purpose…..
Hi Barb. You have been through so much. Your love for Phil is so rich, and so deep. I’m so sorry – this loss is so very big. Memories like sharp swords – yes, I can see that, and almost feel it. And yes, we pretend a lot in our world, don’t we? It’s almost as if we spend most of our time being actors and actresses on some kind of stage. I don’t think God wants it that way. I believe He created us to be honest, real, and authentic. We, on the other hand, have developed mask=wearing into an art. Sigh. I’m praying for you now…
Barb……….I feel for you so much, life can be so cruel, my wife and I had a lifelong friendship but only married some 8 years ago…….precious, precious years with no arguments…….as you get older you realise just how important and fleeting time is and losing her just compounds the feeling……the time we had was never long enough and just 6 months after her death its still so hard being on my own.
I wish you well for the future.
Hi Brian. Thanks for your comment and support. Yes, it’s hard, hard, hard. I’m so sorry. And no – the time is never long enough. We were so blessed.
My biggest dream was for us to make it to our tenth wedding anniversary, but we only made it to about seven and a half. If I count from the day we had our “first” adult date, we did make ten years.
I met Phil,when I was in seventh grade. He was one of my teachers. First impression was total fear, but by the end of eighth grade, I was “in love”. Our names doodled in my notebooks, by me. Tears on the last day of school. But we became friends, in the purest sense. Kept in touch four or five times a year, and I would visit him at school when I had time. My soul is old. I was the baby of my family by ten years. I went to all four elementary schools in my town, plus the Jr high and on to regional high school. Knew lots of people, but no real, true close friends, except Phil. When his first wife passed suddenly, he chose me to form a new “link of trust” as he liked to call it. We had a rather full life together in the short time we had. He had a second stroke in 2011 and I morphed from wife to advocate and care giver. I know it sounds greedy, but I wanted more time. Now, I only dream of the time I get to be with him again. Memories are like sharp swords. People are crueler than I ever imagined. I’m trying to give myself time, but it’s literally making me physically sick. Other than that, there are no more hopes, no more dreams. Just lots and lots of tears and pretending, so anyone around me doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Grief has just sucked the life and joy out of my life. I have no purpose…..
Hi Barb. You have been through so much. Your love for Phil is so rich, and so deep. I’m so sorry – this loss is so very big. Memories like sharp swords – yes, I can see that, and almost feel it. And yes, we pretend a lot in our world, don’t we? It’s almost as if we spend most of our time being actors and actresses on some kind of stage. I don’t think God wants it that way. I believe He created us to be honest, real, and authentic. We, on the other hand, have developed mask=wearing into an art. Sigh. I’m praying for you now…
Barb……….I feel for you so much, life can be so cruel, my wife and I had a lifelong friendship but only married some 8 years ago…….precious, precious years with no arguments…….as you get older you realise just how important and fleeting time is and losing her just compounds the feeling……the time we had was never long enough and just 6 months after her death its still so hard being on my own.
I wish you well for the future.
Hi Brian. Thanks for your comment and support. Yes, it’s hard, hard, hard. I’m so sorry. And no – the time is never long enough. We were so blessed.
I’m dying inside and out
HI Kimberly. Yes, it feels like that, doesn’t it. “Life” and what it means to live changes after a loss like this. Ugh.
I’m dying inside and out
HI Kimberly. Yes, it feels like that, doesn’t it. “Life” and what it means to live changes after a loss like this. Ugh.
I’m dying inside and out
HI Kimberly. Yes, it feels like that, doesn’t it. “Life” and what it means to live changes after a loss like this. Ugh.
I feel as if I want to run like a crazy women I seen my son shoot himself. and can not stand my life grief is hard I miss my Kyle so much. I’m so alone there is no more family .. I had social anxieties Kyle had just turned 20 Kids have it so bad nobody understands about social anxieties and what our kids have to live with. Kyle birthday is Sept 19, he is 25 in Heaven I Love you Kyle Momma misses you so much.
HI Kimberly. Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine. How awful and traumatic. I know you miss Kyle so much. And you’re right. Kids are in a pressure cooker almost all the time. Your love for him is so clear and evident.
I feel as if I want to run like a crazy women I seen my son shoot himself. and can not stand my life grief is hard I miss my Kyle so much. I’m so alone there is no more family .. I had social anxieties Kyle had just turned 20 Kids have it so bad nobody understands about social anxieties and what our kids have to live with. Kyle birthday is Sept 19, he is 25 in Heaven I Love you Kyle Momma misses you so much.
HI Kimberly. Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine. How awful and traumatic. I know you miss Kyle so much. And you’re right. Kids are in a pressure cooker almost all the time. Your love for him is so clear and evident.
I feel as if I want to run like a crazy women I seen my son shoot himself. and can not stand my life grief is hard I miss my Kyle so much. I’m so alone there is no more family .. I had social anxieties Kyle had just turned 20 Kids have it so bad nobody understands about social anxieties and what our kids have to live with. Kyle birthday is Sept 19, he is 25 in Heaven I Love you Kyle Momma misses you so much.
HI Kimberly. Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine. How awful and traumatic. I know you miss Kyle so much. And you’re right. Kids are in a pressure cooker almost all the time. Your love for him is so clear and evident.
I find the waves come so forcefully at times and don’t want to quit. It’s been 16 months since the loss of my partner. When I get down so hard to get up. Suggestions? Said duplicate comment. But still feeling it
Hi Nanvy. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. Often the second year brings new and different challenges. It’s like the loss is settling in now, and our heart finally know for certain they are not coming back. And this is devastating. People describe is as being in a “deep funk.” No wonder it’s hard for you to pull yourself back up when you get down. The grief is so heavy. Please feel free to email me, and we can “talk” more about this.
I find the waves come so forcefully at times and don’t want to quit. It’s been 16 months since the loss of my partner. When I get down so hard to get up. Suggestions? Said duplicate comment. But still feeling it
Hi Nanvy. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. Often the second year brings new and different challenges. It’s like the loss is settling in now, and our heart finally know for certain they are not coming back. And this is devastating. People describe is as being in a “deep funk.” No wonder it’s hard for you to pull yourself back up when you get down. The grief is so heavy. Please feel free to email me, and we can “talk” more about this.
I find the waves come so forcefully at times and don’t want to quit. It’s been 16 months since the loss of my partner. When I get down so hard to get up. Suggestions? Said duplicate comment. But still feeling it
Hi Nanvy. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. Often the second year brings new and different challenges. It’s like the loss is settling in now, and our heart finally know for certain they are not coming back. And this is devastating. People describe is as being in a “deep funk.” No wonder it’s hard for you to pull yourself back up when you get down. The grief is so heavy. Please feel free to email me, and we can “talk” more about this.
Everyone says I am strong, doing well and are amazed at how well I am carrying myself. I do have a great support system in my friends and family, but I miss my husband so much at a level I didn’t know existed. We dd EVERYTHING together, church, grocery shopping, mall shopping, movies, dates…you name it we did it…always together. I had known him for 50 years and married nearly 47 years. Our birthdays were a day apart..he died on my birthday!! I was 16 when I met him…he was my first love. Our future plans and dreams are no more. My life as I know it is no more. I want the hurt to go away…the hurt no one really sees…but it is the one I feel daily!! I miss his voice, his touch, his smile…
Hi Debra. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry. Your love for him is so, so clear and evident. What a huge loss. No wonder you miss him. How could you not?
I know exactly what you mean. My husband and I were married for 48 years, we married in our teen years. I hold it all together but inside I’m screaming. It’s been 3 1/2 years and the pain is still unbearable at times. If I stay very, very busy I get along better….but I do get so tired.
Hi Margery. Thanks for sharing. What a long, wonderful relationship and marriage. I’m so sorry. Yes, the pain is excruciating and so intense at times. And the fatigue. Goodness, the fatigue. Grief is so exhausting and draining. Sometimes I think missing someone requires more energy than just about anything else. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know.
Debra, you have described how I feel. I met my husband when I was 12. We were married for 59 years, and our anniversary is coming up in September. I don’t know how I will handle that. I lost him almost 11 months ago. It is so very hard. So many memories…..
Hi Audrey. Thanks for sharing. What a long, wonderful relationship you had. Amazing. No wonder this is hard. I’m so sorry.
I could have written what you did, some of it almost word for word. We are on a journey of highs and lows to be sure. We just have to enjoy and appreciate the good days and acknowledge and get through the bad ones. Sunday is the first anniversary of my husband’s death. Unimaginable.
Hi Susan. Thank you for sharing. Those anniversaries can be so hard. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. I’m so sorry about your husband.
Hi Gary, I am Anna,
As I read the stories of other readers, it all comes down to “dreams” yes, shattered dreams is all I have, the dreams of one day take an overseas trip somewhere in this world. Steve, my husband had never had the opportunity to travel let alone hop in a plane. That was one of our many dreams we wanted to share together but his poor health did not allow it. He was so special to me since the day we met. He drove hundreds of kilometres interstate to bring me to where he was so that we could continue our journey of getting to know one another until the day we got married. Wherever we would go we went together. We both learned from each other so much.
The day I lost him that all crumpled down to million pieces and that’s exactly how my heart is, broken and shattered. The day Steve died I died also, life is not the same without him and I know there is nothing that will bring him back, nothing. He was my world, my all my everything. Everyday is a struggle to live to face each day knowing he is not there.
Hi Anna. Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful relationship and marriage you had. Your love for your husband is clear and evident. I’m so sorry. I know it feels like your heart has been ripped out, and life is changed forever. Yes, every day is a struggle. His absence is crushing at times, I’m sure. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Please take care of yourself on this difficult road. It can be long, unpredictable, and very bumpy.
Everyone says I am strong, doing well and are amazed at how well I am carrying myself. I do have a great support system in my friends and family, but I miss my husband so much at a level I didn’t know existed. We dd EVERYTHING together, church, grocery shopping, mall shopping, movies, dates…you name it we did it…always together. I had known him for 50 years and married nearly 47 years. Our birthdays were a day apart..he died on my birthday!! I was 16 when I met him…he was my first love. Our future plans and dreams are no more. My life as I know it is no more. I want the hurt to go away…the hurt no one really sees…but it is the one I feel daily!! I miss his voice, his touch, his smile…
Hi Debra. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry. Your love for him is so, so clear and evident. What a huge loss. No wonder you miss him. How could you not?
I know exactly what you mean. My husband and I were married for 48 years, we married in our teen years. I hold it all together but inside I’m screaming. It’s been 3 1/2 years and the pain is still unbearable at times. If I stay very, very busy I get along better….but I do get so tired.
Hi Margery. Thanks for sharing. What a long, wonderful relationship and marriage. I’m so sorry. Yes, the pain is excruciating and so intense at times. And the fatigue. Goodness, the fatigue. Grief is so exhausting and draining. Sometimes I think missing someone requires more energy than just about anything else. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know.
Debra, you have described how I feel. I met my husband when I was 12. We were married for 59 years, and our anniversary is coming up in September. I don’t know how I will handle that. I lost him almost 11 months ago. It is so very hard. So many memories…..
Hi Audrey. Thanks for sharing. What a long, wonderful relationship you had. Amazing. No wonder this is hard. I’m so sorry.
I could have written what you did, some of it almost word for word. We are on a journey of highs and lows to be sure. We just have to enjoy and appreciate the good days and acknowledge and get through the bad ones. Sunday is the first anniversary of my husband’s death. Unimaginable.
Hi Susan. Thank you for sharing. Those anniversaries can be so hard. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. I’m so sorry about your husband.
Hi Gary, I am Anna,
As I read the stories of other readers, it all comes down to “dreams” yes, shattered dreams is all I have, the dreams of one day take an overseas trip somewhere in this world. Steve, my husband had never had the opportunity to travel let alone hop in a plane. That was one of our many dreams we wanted to share together but his poor health did not allow it. He was so special to me since the day we met. He drove hundreds of kilometres interstate to bring me to where he was so that we could continue our journey of getting to know one another until the day we got married. Wherever we would go we went together. We both learned from each other so much.
The day I lost him that all crumpled down to million pieces and that’s exactly how my heart is, broken and shattered. The day Steve died I died also, life is not the same without him and I know there is nothing that will bring him back, nothing. He was my world, my all my everything. Everyday is a struggle to live to face each day knowing he is not there.
Hi Anna. Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful relationship and marriage you had. Your love for your husband is clear and evident. I’m so sorry. I know it feels like your heart has been ripped out, and life is changed forever. Yes, every day is a struggle. His absence is crushing at times, I’m sure. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Please take care of yourself on this difficult road. It can be long, unpredictable, and very bumpy.
Everyone says I am strong, doing well and are amazed at how well I am carrying myself. I do have a great support system in my friends and family, but I miss my husband so much at a level I didn’t know existed. We dd EVERYTHING together, church, grocery shopping, mall shopping, movies, dates…you name it we did it…always together. I had known him for 50 years and married nearly 47 years. Our birthdays were a day apart..he died on my birthday!! I was 16 when I met him…he was my first love. Our future plans and dreams are no more. My life as I know it is no more. I want the hurt to go away…the hurt no one really sees…but it is the one I feel daily!! I miss his voice, his touch, his smile…
Hi Debra. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry. Your love for him is so, so clear and evident. What a huge loss. No wonder you miss him. How could you not?
I know exactly what you mean. My husband and I were married for 48 years, we married in our teen years. I hold it all together but inside I’m screaming. It’s been 3 1/2 years and the pain is still unbearable at times. If I stay very, very busy I get along better….but I do get so tired.
Hi Margery. Thanks for sharing. What a long, wonderful relationship and marriage. I’m so sorry. Yes, the pain is excruciating and so intense at times. And the fatigue. Goodness, the fatigue. Grief is so exhausting and draining. Sometimes I think missing someone requires more energy than just about anything else. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know.
Debra, you have described how I feel. I met my husband when I was 12. We were married for 59 years, and our anniversary is coming up in September. I don’t know how I will handle that. I lost him almost 11 months ago. It is so very hard. So many memories…..
Hi Audrey. Thanks for sharing. What a long, wonderful relationship you had. Amazing. No wonder this is hard. I’m so sorry.
I could have written what you did, some of it almost word for word. We are on a journey of highs and lows to be sure. We just have to enjoy and appreciate the good days and acknowledge and get through the bad ones. Sunday is the first anniversary of my husband’s death. Unimaginable.
Hi Susan. Thank you for sharing. Those anniversaries can be so hard. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. I’m so sorry about your husband.
Hi Gary, I am Anna,
As I read the stories of other readers, it all comes down to “dreams” yes, shattered dreams is all I have, the dreams of one day take an overseas trip somewhere in this world. Steve, my husband had never had the opportunity to travel let alone hop in a plane. That was one of our many dreams we wanted to share together but his poor health did not allow it. He was so special to me since the day we met. He drove hundreds of kilometres interstate to bring me to where he was so that we could continue our journey of getting to know one another until the day we got married. Wherever we would go we went together. We both learned from each other so much.
The day I lost him that all crumpled down to million pieces and that’s exactly how my heart is, broken and shattered. The day Steve died I died also, life is not the same without him and I know there is nothing that will bring him back, nothing. He was my world, my all my everything. Everyday is a struggle to live to face each day knowing he is not there.
Hi Anna. Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful relationship and marriage you had. Your love for your husband is clear and evident. I’m so sorry. I know it feels like your heart has been ripped out, and life is changed forever. Yes, every day is a struggle. His absence is crushing at times, I’m sure. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Please take care of yourself on this difficult road. It can be long, unpredictable, and very bumpy.
My husband passed in 2014. Some days are as above, an earthquake. There are times I feel the hurt should be over but then almost 50 years are not easy to forget- laughter, tears etc. No one puts pressure but me. I have many good days but also many tears. This is so different than the life we planned together. I am thankful to have my faith and Christian people who write excellent articles like the above. I remind myself many have gone through and emerged. God is faithful.
HI Ann. Thanks for sharing. Yes, we think the hurt is almost gone, and then it surprises us again. And again. And again. And you are right. God is faithful. He knows all about loss and pain. And He walks with us in ours. I’m so sorry.
My husband passed in 2014. Some days are as above, an earthquake. There are times I feel the hurt should be over but then almost 50 years are not easy to forget- laughter, tears etc. No one puts pressure but me. I have many good days but also many tears. This is so different than the life we planned together. I am thankful to have my faith and Christian people who write excellent articles like the above. I remind myself many have gone through and emerged. God is faithful.
HI Ann. Thanks for sharing. Yes, we think the hurt is almost gone, and then it surprises us again. And again. And again. And you are right. God is faithful. He knows all about loss and pain. And He walks with us in ours. I’m so sorry.
My husband passed in 2014. Some days are as above, an earthquake. There are times I feel the hurt should be over but then almost 50 years are not easy to forget- laughter, tears etc. No one puts pressure but me. I have many good days but also many tears. This is so different than the life we planned together. I am thankful to have my faith and Christian people who write excellent articles like the above. I remind myself many have gone through and emerged. God is faithful.
HI Ann. Thanks for sharing. Yes, we think the hurt is almost gone, and then it surprises us again. And again. And again. And you are right. God is faithful. He knows all about loss and pain. And He walks with us in ours. I’m so sorry.
My future is unknown now since my husband died. We had such dreams but they were for us together. I just seem to be able to focus on one day at a time now. I have no dreams anymore only longing for what might have been.
HI Karen. Yes, our dreams take a hit. Sometimes, they disappear altogether. Loss makes us afraid to dream again. I’m praying for you now. You are stronger and braver than you know.
My future is unknown now since my husband died. We had such dreams but they were for us together. I just seem to be able to focus on one day at a time now. I have no dreams anymore only longing for what might have been.
HI Karen. Yes, our dreams take a hit. Sometimes, they disappear altogether. Loss makes us afraid to dream again. I’m praying for you now. You are stronger and braver than you know.
My future is unknown now since my husband died. We had such dreams but they were for us together. I just seem to be able to focus on one day at a time now. I have no dreams anymore only longing for what might have been.
HI Karen. Yes, our dreams take a hit. Sometimes, they disappear altogether. Loss makes us afraid to dream again. I’m praying for you now. You are stronger and braver than you know.
Joshua n I were going to buy a house together n he was going to take care of me n his daughter. I’m afraid of being homeless he always said mom I’ll take care of you we’ll always be together my son meant the world to me. It’s been a year n a half today I lost him I have no idea what the future holds
Hi Nan. I’m so sorry. This anniversaries can be so challenging. Fear is a terrible thing. Please feel free to email me any time. Praying for you now…
Joshua n I were going to buy a house together n he was going to take care of me n his daughter. I’m afraid of being homeless he always said mom I’ll take care of you we’ll always be together my son meant the world to me. It’s been a year n a half today I lost him I have no idea what the future holds
Hi Nan. I’m so sorry. This anniversaries can be so challenging. Fear is a terrible thing. Please feel free to email me any time. Praying for you now…
Joshua n I were going to buy a house together n he was going to take care of me n his daughter. I’m afraid of being homeless he always said mom I’ll take care of you we’ll always be together my son meant the world to me. It’s been a year n a half today I lost him I have no idea what the future holds
Hi Nan. I’m so sorry. This anniversaries can be so challenging. Fear is a terrible thing. Please feel free to email me any time. Praying for you now…
Thanks for another “Hit the Mark” article as I move toward my GirlMic Leslie’s DOD memory on September 1, 2016.
Hi Wy. Thanks for your encouragement. You’re good at that! I’ll be praying for you as Sept. 1 approaches.
Thanks for another “Hit the Mark” article as I move toward my GirlMic Leslie’s DOD memory on September 1, 2016.
Hi Wy. Thanks for your encouragement. You’re good at that! I’ll be praying for you as Sept. 1 approaches.
Thanks for another “Hit the Mark” article as I move toward my GirlMic Leslie’s DOD memory on September 1, 2016.
Hi Wy. Thanks for your encouragement. You’re good at that! I’ll be praying for you as Sept. 1 approaches.